Restaurant wedding reception - not paying for drinks?

[CurriedCarbs]

We've decided to go to a local restaurant after our wedding ceremony and essential have our "reception" there - i.e. a nice meal with the guests. Would we BU to only pay for their food and not their drinks? We haven't got a lot of money and we're not really sure we can afford food and drink for everyone. We don't want to say everyone has to completely pay for themselves or limit the guest list even more as we're only inviting close family. Would only paying for food be a reasonable compromise?

So why ask then? I posted a few pages back suggesting two bottles of wine/bucks fizz to start the meal off as some won’t drink wine anyway(you will know if this as they are family) or even just providing a soft drink for everyone at the start of the meal plus jugs of water.

Why ask the question if you can’t provide anything at all and will get snippy with posters making suggestions?

MorrisZapp. We haven’t paid yet but our daughter will have wine, beer and soft drinks available all day (Champagne or Pimms for canapés, the toasts and on arrival at reception and port with the cheese but otherwise still wines). If people want expensive niche whisky or gins then they can buy that but we’re not including them.
We’ve been told for 140 people it is likely to be about £4k maximum for bar bill.

”Why ask the question if you can’t provide anything at all and will get snippy with posters making suggestions?”

Exactly.

You have a very small budget, which is fine. You’ve chosen to spend the portion of your budget available for food and drink on hosting a sit down meal at a restaurant for 20 people. That means you have no spare left for anything to drink. That’s your choice, but don’t then ask whether that’s ok if any answer other than “yes” is unacceptable to you.

There are cheaper ways of feeding and watering 20 people than a sit down meal at a restaurant and restaurant drink prices. Lots of us would rather have done something different and overall cheaper rather than stretching to a restaurant meal and therefore not even managing to provide guests with even one drink.

Honestly what was the point of your post op. You a) clearly don't think it's unreasonable and b) are adamant that you can't afford it anyhow.
What were you hoping to achieve with posting?

Can I ask, those who paid entire bar bill for evening do's ie beer, mixed drinks etc, how much did this cost you?

My dad did 3 free drinks for all guests..had about 100 there. Expected people to buy like..normal drinks so did not make a list of stuff for the bar stafff to refuse, people massively massively took the piss, getting triples and that just because someone else was picking up the tab. Stuff they would never buy if paying themselves. Ended up costing him about 2 grand. He had estimated about a 6-700, given pints and singles with mixer were 2 quid at the time and doubles/glasses of wine 3. Was quite shocked when he realised how many 'friends' had clearly taken advantage. The bar staff told him someone had actually tried to get a BOTTLE of champagne as one of their drinks, that cost over a hundred quid but they had refused as thats clearly pisstaking. I would never do it.

It IS a bit different to drinks ordered with a meal though, and I would factor in the drinks with the meal cost, say estimate a couple each. I would be a bit embarassed to pay for a meal then have people paying for their drinks at the end, and surely it would be a pain in the ass to do anyway.

I would never do it.

Meaning, free bar, of any kind. Not order a bottle of champagne and expect someone else to pay. As that looked like I meant

OP, there's no need to get upset about this. It's fine. You can let your guests know the situation in advance.

Alternatively, would you prefer to arrange a buffet instead? Maybe have more of a party rather than a sit-down meal?

OP, there's no need to get upset about this. It's fine. You can let your guests know the situation in advance.

Agree. Just put a note in with the invitation. Or as it's a small wedding you could phone everyone. Let the restaurant know in advance so that there's a way for people to pay for their own easily..

People aren't being stuck up their own arses, they're just honestly answering the question that you originally asked.

It's your wedding, and you clearly think it's fine not to offer your guests anything at all to drink, so go with that and take your chances that your guests won't think anything of it. Make it clear that you won't be providing anything before the day, tell your guests that you definitely don't want presents and would prefer them to enjoy the meal and be done with it. No point worrying about it or asking for opinions when there is only one answer that you find acceptable.

Plenty of people on here have said they think it's fine, although I think many of them are confused about the difference between not having a free bar and not offering anything at all, so maybe your guests won't have a problem with buying all of their own drinks. They always have the choice of sticking to tap water if they don't want to spend money.

As long as they know in advance, and aren't expected to give presents, it's fine. It would only be rude if you let people buy you gifts and then told them on the day that they don't get a drink.

morris we had a meal for about 18 in a small bistro, we had the whole place. We paid 700 pounds in total for three courses and half a bottle of wine each and a glass of fizzy. We told the restaurant we would pay for more wine if needed.
We paid a tip although they insisted we didn't have to.
The bistro went on to be very popular, at the time it was usually only open during the day. We were their first evening opening. They worked hard to help us keep costs down, we had house wine.

Sorry OP. My phone has lost the plot. Reported my many, many posts.

Sorted it for you.

I have only been to one wedding where drinks were provided for us. There was only wine and champagne for the toast. I would have much preferred a paid bar where I could choose what I wanted to drink.

Every other wedding I have been too has had a paid bar and I would never expect not to pay for my drinks if I am invited to a wedding.

It is fine OP. If the people coming are people who love and care about you they won't give a crap about having to buy their own drinks. They will just want to celebrate with you. If anyone does care than it says more about them. Don't give it any more thought. Just let them know incase they think drinks are free. However, I would never assume that I didn't have to pay for my own drinks in a restaurant, no matter the celebration.

Congrats on your upcoming wedding.

@MorrisZapp

I did this recently in a local restaurant

16 guests
4 courses & canapes
Coffee
Champagne, Wine, Grappa & Limoncello

We got a bit too relaxed with didn't set firm limits on wine (but no one was too ridiculous).

Came to £1,400 so I definitely wouldn't do it with a large wedding but I don't regret doing it as it was an amazing meal.

It was the most expensive part of the wedding as the rest (ceremony, dress, flowers, cake, photographer) came to £500

There are cheaper ways of feeding and watering 20 people than a sit down meal at a restaurant and restaurant drink prices. Lots of us would rather have done something different and overall cheaper rather than stretching to a restaurant meal and therefore not even managing to provide guests with even one drink.
Were you a guest at my wedding

I've been to a few weddings that weren't the formal sit down meal set up. Nobody has ever told guests they're not getting anything to drink unless they cough up.

That's the point a few of us have been making, but the only response to 'here are ways to actually provide a drink to your guests' have been 'fine so we won't invite anyone or we'll cancel our holiday'.

I never get people asking opinions when they only want agreement.

Obviously a big difference between provided a set amount of wine, and opening the bar!

I don't drink wine, I drink beer. Catered events often see me sitting through the meal with water which feels very spartan as others get merry.

I think for a small event for close friends etc who know your situation, asking them to get their own drinks is fine.

I must admit, I'd find a way to have one glass of fizz courtesy of the married couple, even if you have to buy it from asda and serve it as they walk from registry office to restaurant!

Can I ask, those who paid entire bar bill for evening do's ie beer, mixed drinks etc, how much did this cost you?

We had under 70 guests including children, and all drinks, from arrival at 4pm till close at midnight cost just shy of £3,000. This was for beer, softs, wines, fizz, spirits, whisky etc. The evening bit was the cheapest at about £700-£900 for 5 hours.

I must admit, I'd find a way to have one glass of fizz courtesy of the married couple, even if you have to buy it from asda and serve it as they walk from registry office to restaurant!

Actually this could be really nice depending on the setting of the registry office (garden area for instance would be good). Someone could bring along a cooler with some cheap fizz in and everyone have a toast straight after the marriage.

A toast should be provided at minimum.

After that it’s absolutely up to you, no expectations at all.

I have been to a wedding where squash was provided for the toast and that felt cheap beyond words.

Unless you’re on the absolute bones of your arse (and you arent if you’re having a sit down meal) provide one drink.

Have you talked to the restaurant? If you asked them for a deal that included a beer/wine/soft drink they may offer you a set price for not much more than you are already paying. It's really common for restaurants to offer this sort of deal.

Can I ask, those who paid entire bar bill for evening do's ie beer, mixed drinks etc, how much did this cost you?

I had about 80 guests, only about 5/6 kids and I think we spent around £2k on booze - we wanted to provide everything so compromised on a lot of other stuff.

The venue was a village hall for £500 so we literally bought a fuck-ton of fizz, white and red wine, beer and a bit of cider from a combination of Majestic and supermarket. We way overbought and people were leaving with armfuls of booze. We were still drinking it 6 months later but I had terrible visions of me in Threshers in a wedding dress at 10.30pm having run out so I’d rather it was that way.

We could’ve had a hotel wedding with fancy surroundings but wouldn’t have been able to afford the bar bill then.

We didn’t have evening guests and had a lateish ceremony so didn’t need a full evening buffet after dinner - just a fancy cheeseboard and donuts and cake.

Great idea from @cccameron. You could easily stop for a photo opp after the ceremony, before the restaurant. Park a hamper and a picnic blanket and share some wine for a toast.

When I say "easily", I'm talking generally (and being positive).

@SandAndSea - your suggestion would be amazing! I strongly suspect weather won't be on our wide though. I know, I'm probably being pessimistic but I like to think of it as realistic. I'm assuming the worst with weather, hoping for the best and I'll be pleasantly surprised if it's dry

@CurriedCarbs - There are definitely no guarantees with the weather. But maybe you have a park pavilion or a pier or a woodland near you, which could help to offer shelter if needed? I'm in a similar situation to you (engaged) and I think it helps to get creative and think outside the box to really make the day yours. Play with some fun ideas. Sod the weather and just enjoy it!