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Original poster

Restaurant wedding reception - not paying for drinks?

327 replies

CurriedCarbs · 17/05/2019 18:43

We've decided to go to a local restaurant after our wedding ceremony and essential have our "reception" there - i.e. a nice meal with the guests. Would we BU to only pay for their food and not their drinks? We haven't got a lot of money and we're not really sure we can afford food and drink for everyone. We don't want to say everyone has to completely pay for themselves or limit the guest list even more as we're only inviting close family. Would only paying for food be a reasonable compromise?

OP posts:
PattyCow · 18/05/2019 12:00

Its fine OP. Everyone is coming to celebrate with you. It's a meal out to celebrate your marriage.

PuppyMonkey · 18/05/2019 12:00

Oh lord, I hate myself for this OP but I also think I’d be a bit Hmm about no wine at all on the table or a bit of fizz on arrival. I’d expect to pay for all my own drinks at the bar thereafter though.

Would a family member be prepared to pay for the wine as their wedding gift?

PattyCow · 18/05/2019 12:07

If they're young and this poor it won't be as if relations haven't noticed. I think it will be fine.

Imaystillbedrunk · 18/05/2019 12:08

The people you are inviting know you, your circumstances and the plan for the day. Four groups of people? Just give one person in the group a call and let them know that you'll be providing eater for the tables and one bottle of fizz as a toast (if you can afford it) and if they want anything else it's a cash bar on the day.

I don't get what people are saying about cut your cloth. You have already. If I were invited to such a small intimate wedding I would feel honoured, and honestly if I could afford it, I'd sneakily pick up the drinks tab on the day without you knowing.

UnicornDust9 · 18/05/2019 12:21

I’d be expecting at least a glass of fizz/wine on arrival at the very least or some wine on the table.

You keep going on about a birthday meal but this is for your wedding so it’s completly different.

Parker231 · 18/05/2019 12:24

Why are posters not reading the comments by the OP - it’s a small wedding, on a tight budget and they can’t afford to provide drinks. What is wrong with that? I imagine the guests will be very pleased to have been invited - I would. It special to be invited when there are only a a few guests.

SweetNorthernRose · 18/05/2019 12:24

I got round the meal and wine for guests by having my wedding late, having canapes and fizz (for toasts) and then straight to the party! Pie and pea supper and we gave everyone a 'voucher' for one drink at the bar as our favours then everyone bought their own.
I've been to weddings where all drinks were provided, others where none were and everything inbetween. They've all been great in their own way because we've been able to celebrate with the happy couple. Forget what anyone else might think and do what's right for you. Easier said than done when opinions are like arseholes these days i know! Grin

rookiemere · 18/05/2019 12:36

OP I'm not entirely sure why you posted here as it doesn't matter what the responses are - if you haven't got the funds for it, then you can't provide wine.

If the guests haven't had to travel far or are very close family, then I'm sure it will be fine. Just make them aware before the event so it doesn't come as a surprise.

Personally I'd cancel the camping trip to pay for the wine - but then I hate camping so that would be a double bonus for me Grin.

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 18/05/2019 12:50

Unless the wedding is imminent, I'd pick up some work to cover the extra. Students usually are easily able to pick up a part time job, most have to just to cover living expenses.

BarrenFieldofFucks · 18/05/2019 12:55

Chuck a few bottles of wine on the table, work on half a bottle per drinker. Plus a few jugs of water and squash for kids. People buy anything other than that. Tbh it would be very odd to provide nothing at all.

outvoid · 18/05/2019 12:57

No one I know expects a free bar, it’s not a normal thing to have. Offering a drink with the meal is normal though.

Pipandmum · 18/05/2019 13:09

How about you ask someone (or more than one) to provide some drinks as their wedding gift? Cash bar after the meal is only just about acceptable but I’d expect some wine with dinner.

PtarmiganBiscuit · 18/05/2019 13:13

Honestly it’s fine what you are suggesting. It’s a small wedding. Just let people know so they know what to expect.

I went to a BYO wedding last week, it was brilliant, we know they don’t have pots of cash and were really happy to be there to celebrate with them. I’m sure posters here would have hyperventilated.

SillyBillyBandy · 18/05/2019 13:18

So your sister is getting married. Has only invited family to the tube of 16 people to celebrate. And some of you would be Hmmabout not being provided with booze?!?! Well jog on then.

Hopefully OP you have a normal loving family who wouldn't give a shit as long as you were happy.

SmarmyMrMime · 18/05/2019 13:20

It's not a formal enough setting to need welcome drinks.

It would be nice to provide for a glass of wine at the table. For 13 adults, that's not a large quantity. If that absolutely can't be provided for, make sure there are jugs of water at the table so there is something provided for people to drink and forewarn guests so they have enough cash and know the set up.

I've happily brought drinks to self catered weddings. I've got no issues with a cash bar, but it is normal to provide a drink (wine) along with the meal rather than risking people eating without refreshment.

Blueskiespls · 18/05/2019 13:22

Never been to a wedding reception with a free bar!! Food offered-Yes. Drinks- guests just purchase themselves at the bar? Can't see the issue.

It's not rude, weird, cheap or tacky. It's 100% normal where I live !

Corbylee · 18/05/2019 13:24

It's fine op! I didn't pay for food either, small family wedding. Everyone new before hand, there was a buffet in evening but at the restaurant people bought their own. Small family wedding. If anyone had complained they'd of been uninvited Grin

NorthernKnickers · 18/05/2019 13:25

Only on MN are fully funded drinks receptions obligatory. I'm in my 50s, so have been to many, many weddings in my time, and not one has had a free bar! Not one!! Yes, most (but not all!) have had a 'welcome drink' and most (but not all) had a couple of bottles of wine on tables...but that's it! Anything else was up to guests to purchase at the bar.

The PP who said it was 'talked about' at a recent wedding where you had to buy your own drinks...shame on you! How fucking rude!!

PBobs · 18/05/2019 13:37

I think no drinks is fine but I agree with the previous poster to make sure there's a system in place/agreed with restaurant and explained to guests regarding how to buy drinks. If there's a bar might be easiest to do no table service for drinks and just ask guests to purchase at the bar. Do they offer corkage? I'm sure you've asked but in case you haven't might be worth doing a quick price check at the supermarket for 3 bottles of own brand fizz. Or maybe the restaurant would let you do that anyway? Just for guests as they arrive?

Eliza9919 · 18/05/2019 13:39

Not sure where we can cut down really... It's already costing us more than we'd like but we'd rather have our family there than just the three of us plus witnesses

Apologies if already suggested, I haven't finished reading the whole thread. Could you have a garden party at home instead? That would work out much cheaper.

I would do that if we weren't in the middle of work on our house. I'd order in m&s platters and put on a bbq. We are having a registry office ceremony and then a meal in a pub with a lovely garden, on a Friday as it's cheaper. It's already got a bouncy castle so the kids are sorted. We are paying for all drink though as well as food.

PuppyMonkey · 18/05/2019 13:48

I’m also in my 50s and have been to many weddings with a free bar. I wouldn’t expect it, but it is definitely not just “a thing on MN.”

churchthecat · 18/05/2019 13:51

So no chance of taking your own and restaurant just charging corkage? Have you asked?

Teddybear45 · 18/05/2019 13:53

Do you need to pay for the food? If your wedding is on a low budget otherwise I think you should just get people to pay their own way entirely. Would be easier in terms of bills etc

Hellywelly10 · 18/05/2019 13:53

I dont think a licenced reastaurant would allow you to byo and accept corkage, they make most of the money on drinks. Unlicenced reastaurants are few and far between but there may be one in your town as byo would save you a ton of cash. I went to a wedding in a carvery type pub. It was very clear that we were buying our own drinks at the bar. There was also an outside area for the kids to play, was a goid day out.

Hellywelly10 · 18/05/2019 13:54

Good even