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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Restaurant wedding reception - not paying for drinks?

327 replies

CurriedCarbs · 17/05/2019 18:43

We've decided to go to a local restaurant after our wedding ceremony and essential have our "reception" there - i.e. a nice meal with the guests. Would we BU to only pay for their food and not their drinks? We haven't got a lot of money and we're not really sure we can afford food and drink for everyone. We don't want to say everyone has to completely pay for themselves or limit the guest list even more as we're only inviting close family. Would only paying for food be a reasonable compromise?

OP posts:

nettie434 · 17/05/2019 20:22

The most important thing is that you don’t feel you spend more than you can afford, especially if paying for drinks mean you have to pare the guest list even further. I actually think that it’s simpler to make it clear everyone needs to buy their own drinks. I personally find that whenever I go to an event where there is eg 1 bottle of red and 1 bottle of white on each table, the hollow legged people drink it all and I end up having to go to the bar if I want any .

If you are having the M&S cake at the restaurant, you could perhaps order a few bottles for the toast but otherwise let everyone look after themselves.

RottnestFerry · 17/05/2019 20:24

What's the point of this? Does it make you feel superior? Seriously unpleasant to brag in this manner

You have a serious problem if you misinterpreted that as a brag. Get some help!

Bluthbanana · 17/05/2019 20:24

It's doable. I've never been to a wedding where everything is free. DH and I had a meal at a nice pub near the registry office we used. We booked the tables in advance and said it was for a family party. They did a lunchtime menu which was what everyone ordered from, and we got in a round of drinks. Because it was a pub it was pretty obvious what the deal with the bar was and those drinks were kept separately from our bill. We went back to MIL's for the cake and more drinks. It cost us about £190 in the pub to feed 18 (inc 4 children) and get a round of drinks. Not everyone was drinking alcohol though.

Coronapop · 17/05/2019 20:25

It's a lot of hassle for both guests and waiting staff if every guest sitting down for meal wants to order a drink of their choice which they then have to pay for, resulting in change being required etc.... Better to put house wine on tables and ask for money instead of gifts to offset cost a bit. Or ask parents to pay at least for wine.

Merryoldgoat · 17/05/2019 20:27

I’ve been to weddings where everything was provided and where there was a cash bar after dinner. At a few the provided drinks were very scant.

The availability of free booze in no way affected how much I enjoyed the night.

The inconvenience is what guests remember so being herded around for photo ops, not being told the very fancy venue doesn’t take cards so you’re stuck scrounging, the DJ ruining the dancing by ignoring the requests - shit like that sours the memory, not paying for drinks.

I say this as someone who provided all booze - we cut other stuff to provide that but we were able.

Just make sure it’s well organised, well communicated and joyful and it will be lovely.

AllFourOfThem · 17/05/2019 20:27

I’ve never been to a wedding where there hasn’t been at least a welcome glass of champagne or equivalent, and bottles on the table followed by a toast.

I’d be quite happy to celebrate with friends or family for their wedding and I would hate to think they went into financial difficulties to provide any alcohol, but I think you will need to make it very clear because otherwise I would expect there to be a minimum of a drink or two provided.

PinkSparklyPussyCat · 17/05/2019 20:33

We had a welcome Buck's Fizz or orange juice, water and half a bottle of wine on the table and fizz for the toast. Anything else the guests had to pay for. There was no way I was paying for them all to get pissed! As far as I know no one had a problem and, if they did, tough!

Disfordarkchocolate · 17/05/2019 20:34

It wouldn't bother me at all, people manage this when they go put in groups ie share a bottle with a friend.

scubadive · 17/05/2019 20:41

Sorry op I would hate this and think you cant expect quests to attend a wedding, travel, buy a gift, outfit etc and then provide food and drink. Whether that is sandwiches and fizz in a church hall or a full banquet, whatever you can afford. Even just canapes and drinks is thats all you can do but dont invite people to a restaurant to celebrate your wedding and then expect them to buy all their drinks

scubadive · 17/05/2019 20:42

sorry 'not' provide food and drink

BlackcurrantJamontoast · 17/05/2019 20:45

You would need to tell them with the invite as I don't think people would bring cash or cards to a weeding at a restaurant. Maybe a small note in clutch but not a full wallet.

churchthecat · 17/05/2019 20:49

At this wedding we went to where not a single drink was provided we had spent over £300 on travel, hotel and gift.

willstarttomorrow · 17/05/2019 20:50

I think the problem OP is that wine is usually included with the meal. I have been to weddings where a couple of bottles are placed on the table for guests to share and others where the wines is served by the waiting staff. I have never been to a sit down meal where wine has not been included as part of the meal unless it is tea total, even when the bride and groom are on a stict budget. After the meal and people wanting beer etc. during then everyone has been okay going to the bar and paying for themselves. At the end of the day you are hosting and if you were hosting and the rules of hosting do not change because it is your wedding. I have been to amazing weddings where the venues have allowed b.y.o or the hosts have been able to buy drinks on supermarket deals or the equivalent and bring them to the venue. If you have set your heart on somewhere where this is not the case then you really need to provide a welcome drink and at least wine and water with the meal.

dreichuplands · 17/05/2019 20:50

I have been to one wedding where we had to buy our own drinks, I got the impression that most of the guests thought it was pretty usual. So in some groups I think it is more standard than others.
We had a group of 20 in a bistro for our evening meal, we budgeted half a bottle of wine each, with more if needed. We didn't even drink that much.

Langrish · 17/05/2019 20:52

Give them a glass of something fizzy as they arrive and make it clear in advance, no worries.

dreichuplands · 17/05/2019 20:53

Are the restaurant okay with managing this OP, it could be a bit of a headache in a restaurant with no bar.

mydogisthebest · 17/05/2019 20:56

Almost every wedding I have been to has had free drinks. Certainly all family weddings and my family are certainly not well off.

Me and DH had a free bar. I can't remember what it cost as it was almost 40 years ago but it wasn't that expensive. I guess it helps that my family and friends don't drink loads just because it is free.

Hecateh · 17/05/2019 20:56

Close family is how many? I think this has an influence.

Close family 20, then a sherry/bucks fizz on arrival with option of fresh orange on arrival. One red, One white on table (see if restaurant will do corkage on your own wine, good ones will) and cava/prosecco for toasts (1 bottle per 6 adults) and again on corkage if restaurant will. All other drinks to be bought at bar. Bargain with restaurant if they are reluctant on corkage. Buy their wine and corkage on fizz or vice versa.

Close family 50+ then a sherry on arrival - sale or return as most won't bother. All drinks from bar.

elsabadogigante · 17/05/2019 20:59

Better to put house wine on tables and ask for money instead of gifts to offset cost a bit.

Why not just charge admission, it's more honest. Cannot believe anyone would be this tacky.

As long as you make it clear to people it's fine. I've been to BYOB weddings and those are great because BYOB is far cheaper than restaurant or pub prices.

PMSL @ 'have everyone back to yours', no one on MN ever lives in a pokey flat in a tower block or a tiny terrace house with a yard.

BlackPrism · 17/05/2019 21:07

Why not just buy a few bottles of wine the table?

TurnTheFreakingFrogsGay · 17/05/2019 21:12

I have never ever been to a wedding where the guests were meant to pay for their own drinks. My own included. I cringe at the thought.

You cringe at the thought of having to pay for your alcohol? or at the thought of being poor enough to not be able to afford to fund all the guests alcohol? Sounds a bit snobby.

I wonder if it's a class thing? I'm working class and the most that's been provided is a glass of bubbly to toast and sometimes a bottle of wine of the table but even at ones where that hasn't been provided there's been no arsey comments or people whinging about paying for their own.

Shows the bubble some MNers are in to not understand that many many many people aren't so comfortable financially that they don't need to give a second thought to paying for everyone's booze.

Bluntness100 · 17/05/2019 21:19

I am not sure I'd classify it as snobby, more pretentious. Anyone with money wouldn't boast or look down on someone for not being able to buy drinks.

It is a class thing, but not in thr way you think. The poster simply has no class to say such a thing.

LolaSmiles · 17/05/2019 21:23

Class thing or social circle thing.

I've been to some budget weddings and some super flash ones and all have had the usual fizz on arrival, wine with the meal and guests pay for own after that. The only difference was the most flash one had put money behind for each person for 3 drinks and we all got tokens to trade in before you paid your own. That was like entering a whole new world to me.

The free alcohol was news to me when I planned our wedding and found US wedding blogs who advised having a cake and punch reception for an hour after church rather than have guests buy a drink later after their meal.

TooLittleTooLate80 · 17/05/2019 21:29

I reckon I've been to 8 weddings and only one had a completely free bar.Of the three wedding meals I've been to all had 2/3 bottles of house wine on the table so thats maybe something to consider but it's not something I'd ever take for granted either.

Leftielefterson · 17/05/2019 21:33

Completely fine OP. I wouldn’t even tell the guests this upfront frankly I find it odd that any guest would expect this

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