Getting old is harder for attractive people

[SignedUpJust4This]

My sister is really struggling with accepting the aging process. She is approaching 50 and it's all she talks about. I am a bit younger but couldn't care less.

I am trying to work out if this is simply because I'm younger or if it's because she was always the good looking one. I am not worried about losing my looks as such because I never had any in the first place. Is aging harder to accept when you were previous a looker? Interested to hear other people's experiences.

I've never had attractive looks as in sexy, but have a fresh-faced youthful glow, complimented by a petite build. As 40 beckons, I'm beginning to notice fine lines, and while I was refused service for alcohol at 37, those days are probably creeping to an end.

In a way, my visibility is increasing. I was easily overlooked. I'd have to defend my position in queues or get assertive for attention as I was easily dismissed as just being a girl hanging around. A couple of school aged kids has helped as I'm now taken seriously as "mum" status

Facially I have changed very little since my late teenage years and am very easily idenifiable as myself on every picture since I was two and had hair! It will be a surprise to register my looks changing when they have been so consistent. My assets are quite natural, I rarely do make-up, and having decent hair, have never bothered doing much with it. I may feel the need to put more effort in in the future. I have no aspiration to more desperate measures, and they frequently age worse in the long run.

It does surprise me seeing others aging around me. Some school friends are suddenly venturing into middle age. Others are late bloomers and maturing into their looks. It's currently shocking me at middle-aged people on TV thinking they should be young, then twigging it's 20 years since they were young and if they were a fresh faced 30 then, they'll be 50 now.

Must go and dust that portrait off in the attic

Once upon a time I turned heads everywhere I went, now I practically get shoved out of the way, that takes a bit of getting used to.

I think, like after having children , it's something you have to accept and adapt to. You have to learn to appreciate things in a new way.

For instance, my stomach will always have shrink marks. At first I hated them but now I love them. They're a lovely reminder of my bump.

My breasts are no longer as bouncy as they once were (though they were never very pert -thanks big boob genes 🙄) but again are a beautiful reminder of feeding my son and that close bond we still continue to have (he's 2).

My stomach will probably always jiggle a bit. Again, something I found really hard at first but I now accept.

All of these are signs of womanhood. Strength. Courage. Beauty Etc. It's a perspective thing.

I would imagine the key is acceptance and adaptation.
Learn to adapt make up routine and wardrobe when needed.
Learn to accept it is out of your control.
If really desired, slow down the inevitable with retinol creams/facial treatments etc.

Depends on the person's character.

Some conventionally attractive people are rather vain/shallow/one dimensional/base and have serious trouble accepting it; others are not.

Take Joanna Lumley; very conventionally attractive, very (apparently) chilled and happy despite aging.

What stands out for me is how badly men age compared to women. Going on OLD sites, most men over 40 look like a bag of shit

This. My friends are all late 40s to early 50s and look great. Some of the menfolk not so much.

I don’t think so - my dad stayed rather handsome and didn’t age badly at all (he was often mistaken for someone a good 15-20 years younger than he was) and he wasn’t vain or dyed his hair. He was lucky. Mum - loads of babies and health issues did look older and people would assume he was her toy boy. My sisters husband is 10 years younger and she (again babies and health issues) has been called his mum.

DH looks younger than his age and I have had grief in my life so whereas I started taking after dad and looking very young I could pass for my own granny these days.

Stress, babies and bad health - all contribute!

Almost all men on OLD sites lie about their age, usually knocking 20 years off, hence they do look a lot older.

That’s what I was thinking! Not great catches.

Neither youth or beauty are achievements in life.

Why are people so bothered about attracting men? I’m amazed at the number of comments about it in this thread, as it seems like such a pointless thing to even think about. Why on earth would your self esteem be wrapped up in whether men look at you?

I’ve always been somewhere between plain and hideous, and was bullied at school about my looks (amongst many other things 🙄) so aging doesn’t really make much difference. If anything, I think I look better for “nearly 50” than I did for “nearly 30”. It’s somehow more acceptable to be ugly the older you get. As for being invisible, I’m quite happy with that. I don’t want people looking at me thank-you-very-much.

I don’t mind getting older numerically, I just don’t want to look old.

WingBingo - that is true but sadly we are judged on our looks. Mum was generally cast as the ‘dumb blonde’ but she was very sharp and sensible. She played it to her advantage though.

I think though beauty and attractiveness are subjective. I have friends that consider themselves stunners; gel nails, lash extensions, orange fake tan etc and I don't see them as being attractive at all. I think men perceive them as being a good easy shag rather than actually being genuinely good looking.
I have never been a looker so not really bothered about aging, other than the fact my posture has gone quite Neanderthal and the top of my scalp is nearly bald at 40. I have a very thick mane at the nape of my neck which totally sets the Pat Sharpe mullet look off, but I'm alive and well for now so all's good.

That realisation comes with maturity though I think.

YABVU to suggest old=ugly

It's not so much the getting old aspect that bothers me as much as it is maintaining good health. That becomes increasingly imperative as one ages. Get ye to the next yoga class, all ye who feel the need for a boost!

Just to be clear I certainly don't think old=ugly. That was kind of the point of my post.

Well if you're single, you do think about being attractive to men, I certainly do, although I don't dwell on it. It's human nature, and I enjoy it mostly.

I'm like you OP- and as such don't think about my looks now I'm pushing 50. I find women who try too hard irritating tbh.
My physical abilities have really gone down hill and I would far rather have my fitness back.

I think if people have been one trick ponies and have used their looks to manipulate situations then they’ll suffer. Attractive people that are all round good eggs, should fair better.
The one thing I did during the ageing process, that seemed to have the most negative impact was having long hair cut short. DH wasn’t a fan and I almost became invisible to other men, the moment I left the salon.

See I find loads of women in their 40s and 50s attractive. In fact I tend to find older women more attractive than younger ones.

It's all subjective. But culture has a lot to answer for I reckon.

I was told I'm attractive in my 20's, but never believed it as I always felt I had to do a lot to scrub up well. I suppose my figure was ok, but certainly wasn't the best looking person in the bar. By today's standards my 20 year old self would be low maintenance and a bit of a minger!

After having kids though I'd gladly have my 20 year old body back! I feel like a total frump (though only recently had a baby, so heavier than usual and no time for self care). OH is the same and we have both lost interest in our looks and it's not a priority for us right now. Despite this I'm glad I'm healthy and appreciate a body that works reasonably well (with a lot of aches and pains), so I'm trying to just place less importance on looking good. I know some fab looking ladies who are much older than me (who have had kids too, more than me) and they look great though. I wonder what the secret is and if you throw enough money at your looks they will eventually improve.

I'm a single parent and think all men are basically abusers. When I think about it, they must all be able to sniff out how vulnerable I am. But I don't know how to protect myself or how to meet someone that respects boundaries and is a decent human. I don't see trying to remain celibate as the answer, it's lonely and I really don't want to carry on in life being afraid to trust.

Oops wrong thread

I'm very plain, always have been. In my youth I used to dress to try to draw attention to my (then) good figure. So I think from my POV, OP's thought mostly makes sense. That mental shrug of, "Face like a smacked bum, oh well," when I look in the mirror has been there my whole life so it isn't a shock now.

But when I thought I was handling ageing well, in my 40's I had a surprise pregnancy. I was unreasonably delighted with my pregnant shape and my skin. So I guess I was missing my youth even if I wasn't admitting it to myself. I do not recommend a 40s baby for feeling young, though; it was strictly temporary. When DS2 arrived, I aged even faster than before. I'm permanently knackered and people have asked if I'm out with my grandson before.