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Original poster

Getting old is harder for attractive people

265 replies

SignedUpJust4This · 17/05/2019 18:32

My sister is really struggling with accepting the aging process. She is approaching 50 and it's all she talks about. I am a bit younger but couldn't care less.

I am trying to work out if this is simply because I'm younger or if it's because she was always the good looking one. I am not worried about losing my looks as such because I never had any in the first place. Is aging harder to accept when you were previous a looker? Interested to hear other people's experiences.

OP posts:
CountFosco · 18/05/2019 08:03

There's different aspects to this. If you've been taught to value your youthful looks then yes, it will be hard to let them go. If you've always had a lot of attention from men then that can be hard to let go. If you are in a happy relationship with someone who tells you all the time how attractive you are that cushions the effect of aging. If you are happy in your work and your experience is respected that will cushion the effects of aging.

My mother did not place a high value on physical appearance and so DSis and I don't either, my attractiveness was and is based on my wit and intelligence. I am aware that men 10+ years younger than me don't view me sexually but I don't care about that but I don't feel invisible yet at nearly 50.

givemesteel · 18/05/2019 08:58

Yes it's harder. I don't think it is true that if you are good looking then you just becone a good looking older person, I can think of celebrities who were attractive in their 20s but have really lost it as they age. I'm not going to be bitchy and name names.

I'm in my late 30s and this is quite a tough period, as I have really started to lose my looks but I have friends that really haven't and probably look 10 years younger than me. Obviously genes and lifestyle help, but those who still look good tend to be those who havent had kids or are still on their first baby (yes, I had time to go to buggy fit too when I was on mat leave, wait until you've got more than one kid and back at work...!).

So yes I'm hoping when I'm 50-60 it will be easier as we'll all look middle aged by then but at the moment it's too difficult to compare to my fresh faced friends!

SerenDippitty · 18/05/2019 08:59

Look at all the actresses who have plastic surgery in an attempt to hang onto their looks - rather sad in a way.

This is as much about losing their jobs - the entertainment industry does not permit women to visibly age in the same way as men.

Me, well I can see from photos that I was pretty in my early 20s but I must have lacked something as I did not get hit on or asked out very often. I’m in my late 50s now but way more confident than I was in my 20s. I don’t want to look any older than I have to but I will never have surgery or even Botox.

Gwenhwyfar · 18/05/2019 09:04

" I can think of celebrities who were attractive in their 20s but have really lost it as they age. I'm not going to be bitchy and name names."

This is definitely true.

Gwenhwyfar · 18/05/2019 09:06

"We are all ages at work and get on very well. We range from 24 ish to 65, spanning all decades, and all bring something to the table. "

That sounds good. I'm older than almost all my colleagues and that does make me feel old before my time.

Settlersofcatan · 18/05/2019 09:08

I was never particularly into my looks but I didn't realise till I passed around 35 the extent to which people were nicer to me when I was young and attractive. Little things like people would help me with my luggage and even now when I am heavily pregnant with a toddler, people are less helpful to me.

ToastyFingers · 18/05/2019 09:10

I think I have nice features and a decent body but I've always been a bit of a punk and an oddball so I'm not what you'd consider classically shaggable.

I'm greyer, droopier and a bit more wrinkly than I was 10 years ago while I wouldn't say no to turning back the clock, I'm pretty happy just being myself.

SerenDippitty · 18/05/2019 09:11

compared to my peers i probably look better now at 45 than i did at 25 or 35 (have lost weight, no longer wear glasses, have the money to go to hairdressers, etc) but i still struggle a wee bit with aging process.

Wearing glasses does not automatically make you less attractive.

Langrish · 18/05/2019 09:12

TheFormidableMrsC

stopfucking DON'T DO IT! It's SO obvious, I don't care how skilled they think they are, you can tell botox a mile off. It changes the character of your face”.

This. I live in an area where there are lots of well heeled older ladies and men and you can spot the botoxed at 100 paces. The people who look the oldest are perversely those who are trying desperately hard to look young: botox, block dyed hair in a suspiciously dark shade, clothes their 20 something kids would wear and gold sandals (though admittedly the latter usually just the women).

Saw a poster of pop princess Kylie doing some event or other, big up close photo of her face and shoulders. If her name hadn’t been plastered, not sure I would have recognised her at first. She looks very strange indeed, like someone has been at her face in various places with a bicycle pump. I was astonished to read that she’s 2 years younger than me! Looks much older and I suspect it’s because she’s had too much work done. The pressure to stay young for a career must be intense but I couldn’t help thinking she’d look a whole lot better if she hadn’t mucked about with herself so much. I thought it was really sad.

JustDanceAddict · 18/05/2019 09:14

I never had the good looks but I’m still not keen on ageing! It’s not so much loss of looks but having to come to terms with the fact I’m
Getting old every time I look in the mirror. My figure is still ok - obv not what it was but I am conscious of not gaining too much middle-aged spread.
I have had people tell me they hate losing their prettiness, etc so if they’ve focused on that I can see why it would be an issue.,

Ces6 · 18/05/2019 09:16

Might be true but on the other hand they have probably reaped the benefits of being beautiful for many years so I don't feel too sad for them!

Gwenhwyfar · 18/05/2019 09:17

"I never had the good looks but I’m still not keen on ageing! "

Me neither. Ugly AND old - great :)

Shallowhals · 18/05/2019 09:18

That gives me hope “TheFormidableMrsC”! I haven’t slept in three years 😭

Craftycorvid · 18/05/2019 09:18

Got badly bullied when younger and a lot of it was based on my lack of looks. It drove the kind of relationships I ended up in: with a man because he asked not because I was atteacted to him; always the ‘fat friend’ etc. It hasn’t got any easier now I’m older. I do look slightly better now but feel at the moment that my age makes that irrelevant. I’ve never felt I could transcend my lack of attractiveness with other qualities as, in my experience, atteactive men don’t see me as a woman!

malificent7 · 18/05/2019 09:21

I think it would be lovely if we could see wrinkles and grey hair as a change in looks rather than a loss of looks but society isn't geared up like that.

Langrish · 18/05/2019 09:34

It will have to become so though. With our demographic, there will be more oldies than any other group. Advertisers will wake up to that soon and perceptions will slowly change.

Rainbunny · 18/05/2019 09:43

I fully admit that I hate what aging is doing to my body!

I'm in my early forties and while I was never beautiful or even pretty when I was younger, all of a sudden in my thirties I started looking good (good for my standards anyway)! My childish chubby cheeks had slimmed to give me (slight) cheekbones and I was physically the fittest I had ever been, plus I was at a point in life when I could afford to go to a hair salon regularly so it all sort of came together and I got to experience feeling mildly attractive for the first time in my life (I'm sure self confidence had something to do with it as well of course).

Then I hit my forties, life got really busy so I stopped working out as much (at all really for a year or two) which was compounded by putting on a few pounds that all went to my breasts and torso area (it's true about mid-life weight going to your mid section!) I'm fighting back now, mostly by watching my diet and trying to get fit again but it's so hard to shift breast/torso fat once you've developed it.

So yes, I'm being horribly vain about this but having never been a person who was attractive in my teens/twenties, the brief few years of looking good in my thirties felt wonderful and I'm not embarrassed to admit I miss it!!

HappydaysArehere · 18/05/2019 09:51

This post caught my eye as I have a friend who is really concerned about her looks. She had a face lift around a year ago and the lines have gone but I couldnt see that it was necessary. She also worries that she might be putting on weight, her legs are too thin, her hair isn’t behaving itself etc. She has nails done and considers the colour each time. She is in her mid sixties and I am in my seventies so wonder if it’s my age that I think that it’s no good dwelling on something that you can’t help. I should imagine she has always been quite good looking and I have been average in the looks department. So yes, I want to look decent and I don’t like those extra pounds and the way my body shape has changed but hey that’s life.

thetwinkletoescollective · 18/05/2019 10:26

My problem is that I didn't realise what a stunner I was! I just remember feeling fat all the time. I would love to be that 'fat' and look like that now.

LitArt · 18/05/2019 10:40

Men seem to enjoy ageing or not mind it

Because as young people the efforts were more on their performance and talents and less on their cute looks.. lovely hair... gorgeous body.

Yep. They haven't spent their entire lives being told that their physical appearance is the most important thing in the world.

I don't know a single man who worries about wrinkles or being "invisible"

Sarcelle · 18/05/2019 10:47

When I was younger I assumed I had a fabulous personality. Men listened to me and seemed to enjoy my company. Now I am older they don't seem to enjoy my company so much, funny that! Luckily I realised early doors that good looks were fleeting and that whilst you can still be attractive at an older age, there is nothing quite so attractive as a youthful bloom, so there was no point in relying in them. That is where people make a mistake and why ageing can be so hard for some, they put all their eggs in one basket.

One thing I do resent about ageing is that it takes longer to look presentable. Chin hairs, strange texture of hair when it used to be smooth, sunken eyes no matter how much sleep, bitchy resting face that never used to be that bad!

toucantoo · 18/05/2019 11:05

Lots of people harshly judging attractive people as being shallow and not having developed other sides to their personality. It smacks of sour grapes. We all have our attributes and we all rely on all of them. Some people are build like models or are super good looking, or both....and are also super bright, working at a senior level and lovelt to boot. But yes, when their looks go, I am sure some of them are not happy about it. Any time anyone loses any of their positive attributes, it is felt by them. Why are people so damning about good looks.

Itwouldtakemuchmorethanthis · 18/05/2019 11:09

Nope. I think people who dread old age are weirdly obsessed with youth and not the norm.

Gwenhwyfar · 18/05/2019 11:21

"I'm being horribly vain about this but having never been a person who was attractive in my teens/twenties, the brief few years of looking good in my thirties felt wonderful and I'm not embarrassed to admit I miss it!!"

I'm quite ugly, but I think I reached 'OK' with a good figure in mid twenties so obviously I yearn for those times a lot.
I now go to salons with a photo of me then asking them to give me the same hair colour, which never works out.
Ironically, I went on sunbeds when I was 23-26 so looked 'healthy' in photos, but will have presumably aged myself in doing so.
Now, in middle age I generally avoid the sun, but I did get a bit brown in last summer's heat wave. So unfair that damaging your skin makes you look so much better:(

NunoGoncalves · 18/05/2019 11:26

I looked best in my 20s (my figure was way better then) but that's a good thing really as it was during my 20s that I was most insecure and most worried about what people thought of my appearance.

I don't look as good now but that's fine because I don't care what people think anymore!