I've been sacked

[user910]

Two AIBU's in this I suppose.
I stopped being a SAHM almost 6 months ago and started my probation period in a new role. I loved it mainly because I loved my team and thought I'd made a few good friends in our small team.
Management got took over when I was almost 6 weeks in and I felt the atmosphere changed with the new manager and could feel her being very nit-picky with me and not warming to me.
Over the past month, there's been 3 occasions where I've ran 5 minutes late into work. I've informed them every time. I've been going through a difficult time in my personal life as I've been through a bad break up where police had to be involved with my ex becoming aggressive and I've been adjusting to being a single parent to a 2 year old- and although it's no excuse for bad punctuality, it did affect me and I felt completely unsupported at work. My performance at work stayed consistent and I was continuously learning new aspects of the job, though.
The other morning I rang to explain that my toddler was unwell and I just had to ensure he ate and felt a bit better before he went to nursery but I'd make up the missed half an hour whenever they needed me. I was completely snapped at down the phone. I asked the manager a few times during the day if she wanted to have a chat about it and she told me to wait until the end of the day. And right before my shift finished, they sacked me.

I completely understand lates are unacceptable but AIBU to think they could've at least told me in the morning so I could get home to my sick child/be a little more understanding to my circumstances and issue a final warning given that my performance at work was good?

And AIBU to be bothered that NO ONE even messaged to check I'm alright? They are people I spoke to out of work, we went on nights out, we spoke a lot about personal stuff in work, and I just got removed from the group chat and didn't receive a single message.

Please tell me I'm being unreasonable, I feel like I'm not but reading it back I'm worried I sound a bit entitled!

@Playmytune not to justify it but there was 3 occasions where I was 5 minutes late. I'm not sure where you're getting 4 occasions and one being an hour from? After I'd been snapped at on the phone when calling as my DS was unwell and exhausted, I'd had to just throw him in a taxi with me and was on time.

OP I don't think 15 minutes of lateness over a month period is a problem, especially if you have called in. A good employer understands that employees are human beings and allow a reasonable bit of flexibility, especially since most organisations don't have a problem expecting staff to stay late occasionally. I'm sorry to hear you've had such a horrible experience, wishing you better luck next time! I would echo what has been said upthread about public sector, I have found it to be family friendly.

Sounds like a totally family-unfriendly workplace. My own were great in similar situations, but I think the difference is that I'd worked there years pre-kids so they knew I had a lot to offer. It's a tough gig to impress during probation in your circumstances x

What would happen if every employee decided it was okay to be late?
Depends on the workplace and the work, but in many it wouldn't lead to the immediate breakdown of civilisation.

OP here is your answer.... www.gov.uk/time-off-for-dependants

I’ve worked in places where the 5 mins late more than once would have been a big deal....I suspect this is not the lateness though, and that the OP has been very open about her personal circumstances and this is a preemptive strike. If an employer thinks that she will need additional support re work life balance in future, on balance they might have thought better to cut their losses

I am sorry this happened OP, onward and upward though!

@QueenofallIsee definitely don't think it's that - only subtly mentioned in one conversation with my manager, only fully explained during the dismissal conversation. I was very private about personal problems compared to the majority of my colleagues.

This is where life can be really unfair to parents of very young children. Especially difficult for single parents who have zero (or limited) family support.

Young children regularly pick up bugs in nursery, and so while they are ill nursery can often not have them in. Therefore it makes you seem unreliable to your new employer. Unfortunately, in your probationary period you have to prove reliability as well as ability to do the work. Due to circumstances you were unable to show that (it is rather a lot of lates) and they were entitled to do as they did.

It sucks, but apart from looking for another job (a process which also sucks), and hoping you get a more understanding employer this time.

I'm afraid I have to agree with others that saying you were staying at home to feed your toddler first was not the wisest approach as it showed that work was not a priority for you. Toddler gets fed and given Calpol or whatever first thing, and then goes straight to nursery unless really poorly.

I think it places you in a typical catch 22 situation unfortunately, but that's just the way it is for many working parents.

The company may have taken part of that day to decide to let you go, that's why they didn't tell you in the morning.

As a PP remarked, your colleagues may have been asked not to contact you.

Unfortunately the fact you rang up and said you'd be late because you wanted your toddler to eat as he was unwell is probably what did it for you. The manager looked at your previous lateness and then realised that you have little or no support system and he /she thought that there would be lots more of this on the way and decided to sack you. Shitty attitude but it happens

FWIW, where I work no one would have batted an eyelid as long as you made the time up, did a good job and didn't miss important deadlines / meetings. It would have been seen as a fact of life and for 5 minutes, no one would have noticed.

Good luck in finding something new

It's crap to lose your job. I have to agree with pp that several late on probation is a bit of a worry as it's when you should be doing all to impress.Also 5 mins late screams that a bit of effort would have got you in on time.
I think colleagues may contact you in the next few days once the dust has settled if they were friends.
Hope you can get some support in place so that when you next work, you can give your all.

Lucky escape OP.

In my current role my child got sick in my probation period whilst I was leading Audit and it was hideous.

You know what my manager said? ‘Don’t worry - just get home to your baby and we’ll catch up tomorrow’.

I’ve got flexibility, understanding and kindness and had that from day 1, probation or not. I asked in my interview about flexibility.

OP - I don’t know what you do and appreciate different roles have different requirements but if you can be choosy about where you move to.

Just as a bit of hope, most places aren't like this - I've worked in quite a few places as I was a contract change manager for years, in at least ten or twelve different companies that did everything from software to manufacturing to health care and everything in between. I have never seen a place that operated like this. Five minutes wouldn't make anyone even blink, even if it was every day. Coming in half an hour late to deal with a child would be treated with sympathy. If it started happening a lot, there would often be discussions about flexitime or shifting hours. Here's hoping you'll find something better where you are treated like a human and not a faulty robot.

So what reason did they give for dismissal during the dismissal conversation? Was it the lateness or some other reason?

You were in the probationary period though so they can let you go for whatever reason. They maybe thought you were going to become more unreliable after the probationary period and would prefer to take on someone new who was able to be on time all the time.
I appreciate you are trying your best under very difficult circumstances but the needing to ensure your toddler ate and felt better before taking him to nursery may have sounded very "flaky" to your employer. It wasn't that he needed to be taken to the doctor or something like that where the employer may have been more understanding. I am sure that the reason you gave was true but maybe the employer thought it sounded just like you were running late due to being disorganized and hadn't managed to get him his breakfast on time.

I've worked places where it was totally unacceptable to be 5 minutes late. I've also worked places where lateness was tolerated and unfortunately some people took the piss (not saying you were at all though). This had a knock on effect for others and it made those of us who were there on time resentful as we had to consistently pick up the slack for others who always seemed to have some good reason or other. It also meant that others started randomly being late because the late-comers were getting away with it. Maybe the new management want to start the way they mean to go and make sure everyone knows lateness won't be tolerated.

I am sorry for your position - it must be really hard for you - but see it as a positive if you can, you've learnt from this and maybe need to look for a job which is more flexible.

Maybe they were wanting to restructure and you were still just within your 6 month probationary period, so an easy target to use lateness as an excuse

Yuck. So sorry you had to go through that OP. Honestly, it sounds like a vile place to work. Can't be doing with employers who treat adults like children or like slaves.

Also 5 mins late screams that a bit of effort would have got you in on time.
My eyes rolled so hard I think I may have strained something.OP says she was 5 minutes late a couple of times. She asked for half an hour on one single occasion to deal with her child. She is not at fault here and blaming her for having the misfortune to work for a nasty lickspittle manager in a toxic company culture is a shitty thing to do. Either the manager didn't like her, or they needed to make cost savings and conveniently getting rid of an employee during their probation for trumped-up bullshit was seen as most expedient.

I've been late once in the last year. OP was late 3 times in her probation period. That is telling of her future punctuality unfortunately. As we have seen from countless threads, punctuality is a high priority for some and not for others.

Ah OP I do feel sorry for you as we can't help these situations but unfortunately, as an employer it's not their responsibility to be flexible for personal issues. Especially if it's been on a few occasions and you're still in probation period. They don't need to give any kind of warning before dismissal if you're in this period either and punctuality would be something monitored. They could have had a meeting with you and just brought it up as an issue first though giving you a certain time limit to improve and extended probation. It's a shame.

Hope you find something else soon. Good luck!!!

I really feel for you, OP.

I hope you can find somewhere that offers flexitime or more leeway.

Please tell me I'm being unreasonable, I feel like I'm not but reading it back I'm worried I sound a bit entitled!

I'm sorry but you are BU in my opinion.

Late 3 times in just one month and then ringing in to say you're going to be late a 4th time, isn't going to go down well with any employer sadly.

I get that it's difficult being a single parent though.

It is shit, and my current workplace are very accommodating and flexible. But I have worked in other places that were much stricter on time keeping and did not facilitate flexible working.

Unless your car had broken down or something 3 5 minute late instances in a month would have been a written warning. If your workplace is like this then they were probably thinking that if this is how you are when you're on probation what will you be like on a permanent contract.

It's a shame for you, but not all workplaces are ok with flexible working.

What were the 3 late arrivals caused by?

I start work at 8.45 but I arrive between 8.15 and 8.30. This allows time for traffic and other unforeseen hold-ups.
It's unreasonable to be late 3 times in a short space of time.

Companies will need to start being more flexible because generations today are now looking for that type of culture and companies will lose out on the best talent

Not convinced about the talent thing, TBH - as said above, IME the most valuable employees tended not to be those who expected adjustments right from the start (and that's coming from someone who often bent backwards to encourage the less committed)

The "dangling carrot" of happy staff working better in return for these things is a well worn trope, but it doesn't always work out quite like that among folk who lack personal application

OP please don't take it to heart that people are calling you unreasonable for being 5 minutes late a few times. We do sometimes have to deal with shitty, entitled employers to keep our families fed and housed, but your employer was wrong to fire you over this. The fact that they are legally entitled to do so doesn't mean that they were morally entitled. Hold your head up and ignore the dull, cowed, sad people here who are inexplicably proud of their bootlicking skills.