Won’t work but wants money!

[Manclife1]

So, wife and I work in similar jobs, for similar length of time, for same pay and career opportunities. Wife works part time (3 day week) following the birth of our children which was her choice as I wanted us both work a 4 day week and split childcare 50/50.

Youngest goes to high school September and so she no longer needs to pick up/drop off and can go back full time. However, she’s refusing to do so as working a full week would be ‘too exhausting’. In the same breath she’s complaining that we can’t afford nice holidays etc.

AIBU to think shes taking the piss? I’d love to reduce my hours and spend more time with her and the kids but can’t while she’s working so few hours.

PS household tasks split 50/50 apart from laundry which she does on days off.

It doesnt matter. She won't do more so she can't have nice holidays. She has to join the dots up herself.

It does sound as if you dont want to work either though and would take advantage of her picking up more days so resentment has set in. That's not healthy for a relationship.

I think the four days each sounds lovely. I’m another of those who would rather have the time than the money but so long as everything is equal and everyone is happy then why not?

She cant have both. I think if you each worked 4 days your children would get the best of each of you. Seems unfair that one of you should work more than the other one if you're both wanting to take an equally active part in childcare . As you both earn equal amounts I think she's being unfair to you and the children.

Yes - she's taking the piss.
I would expect household tasks to be split about 65/35 with the fact she has 2 days of not working.
Seems she's having her cake and eating it too.
Of course 5 days a week working can be exhausting.
Tell her to join the fucking club.
It's what we do to get by.
It's what we have to do to afford luxuries.
She can have it both ways.
Suggest you both do 4 days a week again.
Say you are exhausted doing 5 days and you both need to work together to get the balance right.
She's a CF.

@gamerchick I actually love my job. Just love spending time with my kids more!

But the point is that OP is NOT happy. It was supposed to be four days each of work for both of them, yet OP's wife is only doing 3 and then complaining about finances.

OP it seems like you need to have a frank discussion with your wife and air your views otherwise resentment will set in.

Is four days a week considered full time in your careers?

Just tell her plainly that if she wants luxuries then she needs to up her working.

@MoreCookiesPlease no would both be part time 32 hrs a week each rather than full 40. Whereas now I work 40 and she works 24. Though we could now both work 40 with a bit of juggling and afford the holidays she wants.

I personally would drop my hours at work to 4 days and cope on the money ypir both bringing in then her choice is she wants a comfier lifestyle

If shes only working 3 days a week the 50/50 split of chores seems unfair

If she thinks 5 days would be too exhausting for her then why should she expect you to be happy working them. 4 days each sounds the perfect solution

I suppose if she's been working part time all the way through primary school ages, going back to full time will feel exhausting. What does she do on her days off apart from picks ups, are you quite sure it's 50/50 around the house, or is she doing stuff when you aren't there? Maybe it's the thought of keeping those things up while adding back in work that it worrying her.

Take the children off on a lovely holiday yourself, she likes to be at home so leave her there!

I think you are missing a lot of

• once the child is at school, your dw will not be able to work full time or 4 days a week wo some before and after school club. There will also need to cover school hols. How much will that cost??

• she is a SAHM so I’m assuming has taken on all tthe HW and parenting and emotional work associated with a child. If she is already tired from that full time job, I’m not surprised she doesn’t want to go back full time to work. Have you told her and prove you will step up and take on 50% of those responsibilities, not just 50% of thee childcare or seeing your dcs more (that’s the nice and easy part)

— we heard a lot about what she doesn’t want to do and what you want. What about what you can do to remove obstacles, look at why it’s not a good idea for her? In. Effect what about HER?

Have a serious conversation with her about all of this. The situation is unfair. She either needs to be doing all of the housework and accepting that there's less money, or she needs to up her work hours to four days a week.

If she refuses to do either of these things then I would tell her that you're dropping down to four days a week because you're exhausted and you want more time at home. See where you go from there.

She sounds very selfish...

@eggs no afterschool care would be needed youngest is at high school.

OP has already said they split cgores.

I think your wife is being unreasonable OP. I wouldnt be happy in these circumstances,

Xpost.

So basically you want things to be better for you wo any talk about how it will make it harder for her.
Do you have any apreciation of what she does whilst she isn’t at work?
Why do you want to work less now that your child will be at school and you won’t really see them? What will you do during the day?
Who will organise the jiggling around hols? Will take time off when thee child is ill etc...

@EggAndButter the child is in high school so no childcare will be needed.

What does she do on the days she isn't working if there are no DC at home? Is she catching up on ironing, cleaning, gardening and just doesn't want to be rushing around more than she feels she needs to?Or does she have a hobby she doesn't want to give up?

Sort x post for me too.

I think you need to give her 3 options:

1. You both work 40 hours a week and have extra money, holidays etc. Do this for x number of years and then both cut back to 32 hours a week.

2. You both work 32 hours a week and have the same income as you do now but you both get time off. Do this for x number of years and then both cut back to 24 hours a week.

3. You both work 24 hours a week now and have less money.

Those are the only fair options. If she won't agree to increase her hours then you will have to take option 3.

Well if she refuses to work full time or even four days, she won’t get thenholidays she wants will she. Simple action/consequence.

It is exhausting but that’s most people’s every day reality... If she wants luxuries like holidays, she needs to work for them like everyone else does. Simple.

Egg do you have golden uterus syndrome? I'd love to take it easy around caring for my high school age children by virtue of owning a uterus but someone has to pay the bills. I'm soooo tired too.

They split chores???
Do they??

All studies show that men vastly overestimate how much they do.
I suspect this is the same here. Thee split isn’t 50/50 (it never is ).
The OP wants an easier life. And expects his dw to work harder.

He didn’t ask for that when the child needed more support and therefore more work from him. He is asking now that he knows his input will be minimum.
But somehow it’s his dw that is lazy