Won’t work but wants money!

[Manclife1]

So, wife and I work in similar jobs, for similar length of time, for same pay and career opportunities. Wife works part time (3 day week) following the birth of our children which was her choice as I wanted us both work a 4 day week and split childcare 50/50.

Youngest goes to high school September and so she no longer needs to pick up/drop off and can go back full time. However, she’s refusing to do so as working a full week would be ‘too exhausting’. In the same breath she’s complaining that we can’t afford nice holidays etc.

AIBU to think shes taking the piss? I’d love to reduce my hours and spend more time with her and the kids but can’t while she’s working so few hours.

PS household tasks split 50/50 apart from laundry which she does on days off.

But I agree that both of you working 4 days each is fairest and probably you will end up with slightly more money than one doing 5 and one doing 3, due to the effect of the personal tax allowance.

Also, now that your youngest DC is starting high school, it's also a good time to ensure that they're all helping out at home, preparing them for adulthood and lightening the load on you and DW.

In the absence of SENs, they are all capable of things like washing, packed lunches, simple cookery, gardening, pet care, bins, pretty much anything really, with supervision to start with obviously.

Maybe she would find it too much and she did (i assume) give birth to the kids.....

I reckon most people find working full-time 'too much' but that doesn't mean they get to choose not to while their other half has to keep bringing home the bacon.

I think that OP's wife could have a little think about her husband and the fact that he'd like to work less as well, and either step up and go back to work so they're on a level playing field, or give him the OK to cut his own hours so he can enjoy some of the freedom she has over the last few years. It's only fair.

If what you say is true regarding 50/50 it would be very unfair for her to work 3 days while you work 5 when the DCs are school. What does she say to justify this though? e.g. why does she think it would be too exhausting for her to work 5 days but okay for you. Also, how do you know that everything is 50/50. Does she agree and if so what is her justification for expecting you to do half of everything when she is the one with the time off while the DCs are at school?

Do you even know what the mental load is

What a horribly uncalled for patronising thing to write.

You’ll get no where trying to argue this.
You’ll get waffle about wife work,emotional labour,wife bore you kids,hard toil
Only time the get a job step up financially speech is dusted down is when it’s a man.then he’s a cock lodger.obvs

Yup, if a woman posted this about her husband, the cries of ltb and cock lodger would be deafening.

If you are sharing the housework who's doing the childcare and the 'wifework' (AKA unrecognized household organization)?

Out of interest OP are you a bloke? People seem to be assuming so might as well get it confirmed.

Oh please! Are people REALLY believing that op contributes at home 50%? When there's NUMEROUS studies that have shown that men often think this but in reality are doing far less? That they don't even consider let alone contribute on the invisible/mental load tasks?

IF op is genuinely contributing 50% then maybe they have a slight point but competitive martyrdom is not the solution.

Instead he needs to have a reasonable discussion about what is achievable in terms of covering all tasks and both working longer hours than currently.

But I'm afraid I strongly suspect the reality is op's wife does the majority of the home tasks/responsibilities and even if she worked longer hours op would STILL expect this to be the case - which is why op's wife is rightly assessing it would be too much for her.

Op perhaps you should take a thorough look at this and similar threads:

https://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/amiibeingunreasonable/3587180-invisible-women-s-work

I would be genuinely surprised even shocked if you're ACTUALLY doing 50%!

I'd LOVE to hear her side!

Eggandbutter & floribunda thank goodness for you! Shocked at what I'm reading here!

"Okay, the only additional tasks as I’ve said is the laundry (which I iron)..." This ENTIRE post PROVES you don't get it at all, that there's LOADS your wife is doing which you're not even acknowledging! It's only the obvious/physical stuff you're aware of.

"besides I’ve lived alone long enough to not be the lazy guys you might know" alone as in not responsible for anyone but yourself?

I'm really not buying you do as much as you claim.

If you are sharing the housework who's doing the childcare and the 'wifework' (AKA unrecognized household organization)?

She's working fewer days, so it's fine if she's doing it. The OP wants to work one less day so he can spend more time with his kids, so clearly he's fine with doing "childcare." Although, high school age kids don't really require that much care. I have two myself.

'the planning, prepping, bills, family occasions etc is give or take 50/50'

So do you remember things like extended family birthdays and think of what to get and buy it, that sort of thing. Do you think ahead of all the things your dc are going to need for the week such as kit, home ec ingredients, etc. Do you know their friends and teachers? All that sort of thing that is constantly buzzing around in your head? No saying you don't, just checking because the mental load often falls to the women.

'if a woman posted this about her husband, the cries of ltb and cock lodger would be deafening

Totally agree and I think OP should call her bluff by saying he will reduce his hours to 4 days a week. Some karmic justice there in her complaining she doesn't have enough money.

wifework' (AKA unrecognized household organization)
Unless you live in Blenheim palace no family have huge household organisation
There is self imposed faff of taking kids to tutors,classes,activities.its not mandatory and doesn’t restrict one from working
Bills paid by DD or online or phone banking
Grade your kids chores by age
Everyone has a job,tasks shared
That’s household organisation, and it doesn’t need an adult working pt whilst kids are at school all day

"Okay, the only additional tasks as I’ve said is the laundry (which I iron)..." This ENTIRE post PROVES you don't get it at all, that there's LOADS your wife is doing which you're not even acknowledging! It's only the obvious/physical stuff you're aware of.

He said they split everything but they laundry 50/50. How do you know what he's considering or not considering? And, again, she's working less, so she should be doing more at home. If he started working less, then that should change.

This ENTIRE post PROVES you don't get it at all, that there's LOADS your wife is doing which you're not even acknowledging! It's only the obvious/physical stuff you're aware of
Your ENTIRE post PROVES you're so blinkered you can't even read what the OP has said. Someone who has no awareness of "wifework" has managed a school appeal for his child, hey?

This woman sounds lazy and entitled as fuck.

'I would be genuinely surprised even shocked if you're ACTUALLY doing 50%!'

My dh easily does 50%, maybe more. It's not that unusual.

Ironing is the only hard work with laundry. The rest is pushing buttons or pegging out. Not hard at all. OP I would stop doing the ironing if I were you.

I do always smell a rat when one partner decides they want to go part time as soon as the hardest work is done

IMHO, the hardest work is only beginning, give me a tantruming two-year-old any day over a bolshy teenager.

Unfortunately we can agree with you, OP, all you like, but you need to convince your wife. If you can cut your hours anyway without your wife upping hers and survive on the money, you should do that.

My DH does at least 50% of the house work and so called "wifework"

Woman’s hour one time ,topic was distribution of tasks,such a post came up
Overwhelmingly consensus was wife work undervalued by man yada yada
Til they elaborated,it was two women,both wives
Big Opinion change and pt wife told to increase working hours

Just to fully understand.
When did you last clean out the fridge/ clean the cooker/ bleach shower/wipe skirting boards/ sort through and discard or purchase clothes.

Do you really do 50/50?

So a (presumed) man comes on wanting to split the workload and earning for his family with his wife equally... and there are women on here suggesting he’s being unfair, assuming that he does less than his wife at home and patronising him. What a load of fruit-loops! It is not unreasonable to expect to adults in a partnership to contribute equally in terms of workload. Just because the wife wants to go to work less and contribute around the house instead, it isn’t her right to insist her husband picks up the slack and provides for her financially to enable this. Perhaps the husband is perfectly capable of doing his part at home fully... and perhaps he would actually prefer to share those tasks with her than to shoulder the financial burden!! You know... like his wife prefers to do!!!

@Fairenuff I’ve a terrible memory for that kinda stuff so it is all in a digital planner with alerts set! 😂

She's not only BU but she also being very selfish

Funny how some women claim that childcare and running a household is harder than going out to work, until their (presumed) male partner wants to do more at home and for this to be balanced by her doing more at work, and give up some of her 'harder' work at home.

It's a shame that when you apparently have the holy grail of the possibility of two part time working parents, that she's not snapping your hand off taking the opportunity.

Do you really do 50/50?
He's said he does, so why would you question it? Because he's a man?

It looks unfair to me too. If DW wants a holiday, she needs to work longer hours. End of.