Won’t work but wants money!

[Manclife1]

So, wife and I work in similar jobs, for similar length of time, for same pay and career opportunities. Wife works part time (3 day week) following the birth of our children which was her choice as I wanted us both work a 4 day week and split childcare 50/50.

Youngest goes to high school September and so she no longer needs to pick up/drop off and can go back full time. However, she’s refusing to do so as working a full week would be ‘too exhausting’. In the same breath she’s complaining that we can’t afford nice holidays etc.

AIBU to think shes taking the piss? I’d love to reduce my hours and spend more time with her and the kids but can’t while she’s working so few hours.

PS household tasks split 50/50 apart from laundry which she does on days off.

wifework, The strain of selecting a present,the demands of posting a card
All the hand written thank you notes on vellum
No wonder a lady cannot work.all those onerous demands

In fact I'd say secondary children need parents after school every bit as much - and if not more - than younger children

They really don't

'there's numerous studies that show that men, even when they - even when their wives/partners - think they're doing X amount actually aren't'

Now you're just making things up

Can you link to a study that shows that even when a wife thinks her husband is doing more, he isn't?

They really don't

Disagree but then opinions are great as long as they work for you.

I’m here virtually every day when DD gets home from secondary. She finds it very valuable!

It was supposed to be four days each of work for both of them, yet OP's wife is only doing 3 and then complaining about finances.

If the OP is currently doing five days a week and wife is doing 3 days a week and both are on similar money - how would finances improve if they instead both did four days a week?

Equality might come faster if certain women didn't think they deserve to stay at home and be supported like 50s housewives because work is too stressful for us delicate flowers.

Totally agree.

I'm fed up with women who think it's fine to work part time with much older children while complaining about sexism and the gender pay gap.

This is rank hypocrisy.

Ive only been on MN a few months but literally every post where the OP is a man, there is a sense he is being unreasonable regardless of what he does or proposes. One guy was on here worked FT and OT and did most of the housework and cooking and he was still BU because he expected his SAHM wife to do some of it!! This OP already contributes 50/50 to household chores and wants to see his kids more but told he must be exagerrating or lying about it because he is a man.
OP i think a 4 day week each seems the fairest option .....and to PP he suggested a 4 day week for both of them years ago so hes not suddenly deciding to cut hours now its a bit easier at home!!

Agree Faire. There's also the question about whether a lot of what is filling the time at home of the part time worker who thinks she is taking on everything is actually necessary.

If you're buying presents for all and sundry for every occasion, then you could probably cut down significantly. Most of the time the presents being exchanged are unwanted by the recipients.

Same for cleaning bathrooms daily, 90% of ironing, making laundry into a full time job as per the daily towel washers etc etc.

A lot of this stuff could be stopped completely or significantly reduced in frequency with no noticeable reduction in cleanliness/appearance and the world would continue to turn.

Fairenuff what studies show is that men overestimate what they do and women underestimate what they do (and overestimate what a man does).

And wivework tasks don’t have to be onerous to take time... and be tiring.

JacquesHammer Would a school aged child not find it equally valuable to have her dad home half the time instead of always mum?

Why are posters questioning a man's ability to do 50/50?? If a woman posts moaning 'I do EVERYTHING' it's not questioned at all and the man is called a cocklodger

Would a school aged child not find it equally valuable to have her dad home half the time instead of always mum?

I’m a single parent. She’s at her dads 1 or 2 nights a week depending on the schedule. He is also there.

@EggAndButter assumptions like those made by you really annoy me. Because a man says it’s 50/50 it has to be untrue, but if a woman says it of course it’s true!! Bit sexist imo.

Plus, didn’t you read the op?
“Wife works part time (3 day week) following the birth of our children which was her choice as I wanted us both work a 4 day week and split childcare 50/50.”
So op’s wife chose to work 3 days a week when children are small and now they’re older and childcare not required she still wants to work 3 days and have 2 days off!!! Wife is indeed very lazy and CFery!!

^ should be have extra 2 days off.

Well some posters are going to feel a tad embarrassed if OP is a woman...

Well some posters are going to feel a tad embarrassed if OP is a woman...

It is a very short OP for a bloke. Where's the wall of Basil Exposition?

My DH works FT and i work about 26 hours a week split over 5 days. Our house hold chores are split about 90/10. He barely knows our DC birthday and has never bought a card for them , let alone dealt with any school admin or dr/dentist apt. I can't understand why the OP is being criticised!!

I think OP is a woman...

Where do you both work where you can both decide how many hours/days you fancy working? Sounds great.

On the balance of probabilities the OP is more likely to be a man, and the username seems to point towards the same, but obviously there are plenty of women with wives and DCs, so the OP could also be female.

I’m a single parent. She’s at her dads 1 or 2 nights a week depending on the schedule. He is also there.

This thread is about a family where both parents live together. Wouldn't it be better for their child to see that men and women can be equal parents and it's not the standard that a man earns the money and the women stays home with the children?

I'd love to not work and have lots of money but sadly that doesn't happen. She should go back to work if she wants to enjoy luxuries.

Studies may show men do less than 50%, but studies are based on averages, whereas here we're talking about a specific case where OP states they're doing 50% so studies are irrelevant.

She is being very unreasonable and unfair. Why shouldn't you both work 4 days (tbh she was being awful not agreeing this at the start, once mat leave is gone it's unreasonable to hog all the time off if your partner wants to split it)?

I'm not sure what you can do though, as clearly you can't force her to work more