Maybe just send him these:
www.google.co.uk/amp/s/mustbethistalltoride.com/2016/01/14/she-divorced-me-because-i-left-dishes-by-the-sink/amp/?client=safari
www.workingmother.com/this-comic-perfectly-explains-mental-load-working-mothers-bear#page-37
I've stolen sandgropers link too. Because what's really shocking is that there's TOO MANY threads like this.
There was also apparently a poster on here who every time she had to do something because her partner was being a lazy shit - as yours is - in "her partner's voice" said as if he was talking to her "fuck you! I don't have to do (whatever task she was doing) because it's beneath me and you don't matter so you Fucking do it!" Or something like that - you get the idea.
My ex tried this kinda crap VERY early on in our marriage. I immediately stopped doing anything for him, told him I would not be treated like a Fucking servant and if he wanted to be treated like a mature, capable adult (including sex) he'd damn well better act like one! It may not be a popular tactic but it worked.
Took about a week. He couldn't cook, was a fussy eater, was army and so needed not only uniform but gym gear clean and ready to use and boots/shoes cleaned, his mothers birthday also fell in the week it flared which went in my favour. By the Saturday he was fed up eating sandwiches while I'd had a week of lovely cooked dinners, he'd no clean rugby gear so couldn't play (too embarrassed to admit reason to team mates) so at this point he had reluctantly "got it", he put a laundry load on, apologised and said he'd make dinner that night (he could manage simple things like pasta or oven dinners but was too lazy/stubborn to do them that week)
The cherry on top was my fabulous mil calling to bollock him for not so much as calling her let alone sending a birthday card - he tried to swerve her onto me and she asked me what was happening - soon as I put her in the picture she asked to speak to him again and she went through him like a rocket! She told him if he'd tried that with her he'd have been out! That he was embarrassing himself and his parents as he wasn't raised to be lazy or entitled and that she'd be checking with me if he'd REALLY bucked his ideas up.
I really do not understand women tolerating laziness.
Frankly why you don't just say to him "quit being a lazy thoughtless piece of shit or fuck off! I am NOT your mother, your PA or servant. You are a grown ass man who knows what needs doing - bloody get on with it!"
Ssd - go on holiday without him! If he's too lazy to even book time off hell mend him! Ex once forgot to book a day off for a concert we were going to - blamed me for not reminding him and expected me to miss out! Hell no! Sold his ticket to a friend and we went without him - last time he forgot!
On another occasion we were sat watching tv the night before leaving for a holiday and he says to me "did you pack X?" At which point it became clear he had expected me to pack his suitcase for him! To which I replied "no I'm not your valet" cue him scrambling to pack with barely a clue where half his things were, bemoaning that specific things weren't washed... Not my problem. I had actually been making it very clear all that week how I was prepping MY Stuff to be packed. He didn't do that again either!
I have 3 men in my life who are/were sahd/single dads at various points, it's very interesting to see their completely different attitude compared to those men who've NEVER lived without a woman doing most of the donkey work.
I honestly agree with pps who've said similar - we won't see true equality until men actually have to do what women currently do as a regular part of life.
There are threads on here currently by posters with newborn babies who's "partners" (for lack of a more accurate description) have abandoned them and the kids in the middle of the night, are leaving the mother who is not only recovering from childbirth but also SEPSIS to do the night duties AGAINST medical advice, and various other examples of shitty behaviour in between.
The men are to blame for acting like this - but yes let's be honest - they wouldn't even DARE if they weren't fairly sure they'd get away with it!
As a group we have GOT to stop enabling such behaviour.
As parents I also see very often on here boys getting away with doing far less at home than girls do. It's bloody ridiculous!
NornIronRock - I DARE you to ask your wife if you genuinely do 50% INCLUDING the mental load and honestly report back her response - because numerous studies show that even the more "enlightened" men aren't doing anything CLOSE to their share when assessed by ergonomics experts.
There's a reason it's an oft recurring thread type - too many lazy men!
"and when I ask to offload a couple of items, he makes a bit of a hash of it or does it so slowly as to enrage me!" Deliberate passive aggressive bullshit it's called strategic incompetence. Anyone who does this past the age of 8 needs to grow the fuck up!
www.workingmother.com/this-husband-admits-to-strategic-incompetence-to-avoid-housework-and-its-infuriatingly-familiar
ManchesterBorn - agree with you too though, as long as a task is completed "good enough" then that's all that's required. When we had dd we went through a period where I was reluctant to back off but I had to learn to. Dd being in clashing patterns/colours wasn't going to kill her! With children in particular you have to let them find their own way to deal. I had a bad attack of gastro while dd was having a horrible time with teething. Ex had a bit of a panic initially but then found a way to help dd and calm her of his own (involving loud music, singing bizarre lyrics to nursery melodies and freezing celery sticks) they both survived! The only thing I did have to drum into him was yes it DOES matter how you make formula up as if you don't have the water hot enough or add too much/ not enough powder that can actually have dangerous effects. But once I had explained that to him he was more careful.
I definitely agree that division of labour has to include daily, weekly, monthly and occasional tasks.
There's a few posters have said "dh is really good" but then when listing what he does most of it isn't even stuff that must be done weekly!
These threads make me glad I'm single 😂😂