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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be struggling with work and nursery runs

156 replies

cheesemixup · 15/05/2019 14:58

So I've finally managed to cut my hours down from work I now do 9.30-5.
My partner takes ds to nursery at 12.
Dd nursery is 35 min away, she starts at 1.

Ds comes out at 5.15 (I'm always late)
And dd at 5.45. By the time I get home it's usually 6.35ish

But I'm shattered!! I feel like I can't cope collecting them, work won't let me leave any earlier and the nursery is funded hours so can't put them in any longer. I was moaning to my partner how I'm struggling and he just called me lazy Sad aibu?

I realise this is something parents do every day, maybe because I'm not in the habit of it just yet?
I also have 9m old baby too and it just feels never ending!!
Is there any way to make it any easier? Or do I just grin and bear it?

OP posts:
BlackBathroom · 15/05/2019 15:00

Ermmm - it's pretty rough - throw in that the kids are tired and clingy - and it can be pretty grim.

IWantMyHatBack · 15/05/2019 15:00

Are they at different nurseries? Confused

TooStressyTooMessy · 15/05/2019 15:01

It’s a nightmare. I needed up reducing how many days I worked as coordinating it all was almost impossible.

Original poster
cheesemixup · 15/05/2019 15:01

Yeah different nurseries as dd is only 2, it's the nearest nursery as the school nursery doesn't take until the child turns 3

OP posts:
BlackBathroom · 15/05/2019 15:02

My tips:

Use a slow cooker so you don't have to cook at night

Talk to the nursery workers to see if any of them will babysit 'privately' for you for half an hour. I've had friends who got one of the nursery nurses to walk the younger sib to the older sibs school - so she was collecting both kids from the same place iyswim

ILoveMaxiBondi · 15/05/2019 15:04

OP some childminders offer funded hours places. If you could get them to the same childminder it would make things a lot easier for you. Where is DP in the evenings? And who has the 9month old?

Original poster
cheesemixup · 15/05/2019 15:05

My partner does the cooking before he goes to work so thankfully that is a massive weight taken off but it's the whole coming out of work, no down time to yourself cause I'm just rushing over to their nurseries!
Ds starts school in August so I'm hoping that eases it a wee bit

OP posts:
Expressedways · 15/05/2019 15:06

Put them in the same nursery or childminder and makes sure it’s local, not 35 minutes away. And who looks after the baby whilst you’re working? Can they not help with pick-ups? Ignoring the fact that your partner had the cheek to call you lazy for being tired (twat) this situation sounds so overly complicated and not sustainable.

Avebury · 15/05/2019 15:06

So who has your 9m old? Could they help at all? Also what are you going to do once school starts because that will add in another set of timings. It is hard while DC are small but logistics also get tricky once they are bigger and need driving to clubs etc. Your partner is going to need to pull their weight too.
Make life as easy as possible for yourself - easy meals, lower housework standards and prioritise your sleep.

Original poster
cheesemixup · 15/05/2019 15:09

My partner brings the baby to my work so I collect older 2 with the baby then we head home.
Partner heads to work for 6.
During the time I'm at work he has the baby

I really really don't want to pull ds out of nursery as he is currently being assessed for austim/adhd and he would struggle so much with the change. We only moved to the area a year ago and it took him ages to settle into the nursery, it's only been since October that he no longer wets himself when going or cries about going Sad

OP posts:
ChocolateAddictionIsReal · 15/05/2019 15:09

Why does the nursery being funded hours stop them staying longer? Can't you top up to pay for them to stay a bit later if the nursery will allow it? That's what I'm doing x

Original poster
cheesemixup · 15/05/2019 15:10

The school is on the same grounds as nursery and my partner will drop him off and pick him up, then he will drop him and baby off at my work and I'll go get dd

OP posts:
ZippyBungleandGeorge · 15/05/2019 15:10

I'm not sure your day is any longer than most people's, bring home around six thirty is normal/early where I live, you start with quite late and you don't have the running around of after school activities. Sorry OP I'm with your DH

Mintandthyme · 15/05/2019 15:10

Who takes your dd to nursery for 1pm? And what are your partner’s working hours?

Original poster
cheesemixup · 15/05/2019 15:10

I can't afford to top it up, it's £54 a day for an extra 2.5 hours

OP posts:
Original poster
cheesemixup · 15/05/2019 15:11

My partner does, so her dad.
Partner works 6-1am

OP posts:
Original poster
cheesemixup · 15/05/2019 15:13

I know it's not much different to other people's, that's why I'm trying not to moan but I'm just finding the change quite hard!! Before I was doing 5am-1pm so I had a few hours to myself and I wasn't in a mad rush to collect everyone

OP posts:
Mintandthyme · 15/05/2019 15:13

X-post there
So your dp is essentially a sahp all day and then goes to work at 6pm?

ILoveMaxiBondi · 15/05/2019 15:13

My partner brings the baby to my work so I collect older 2 with the baby then we head home.

So why can’t he collect the other two on the way and leave them all with you so you can head straight home? Why are they in nursery if he is at home all day?

ChocolateAddictionIsReal · 15/05/2019 15:15

Good grief! £54 for 2.5 hours?!?!

Original poster
cheesemixup · 15/05/2019 15:16

Because most kids go to nursery Confused

Don't think he would be keen to collect them because then they are out a lot earlier, meaning less time in nursery

OP posts:
Original poster
cheesemixup · 15/05/2019 15:17

And he never used to be home all day, that feels a bit like a dig? He had to do evening work because of how my hours fall but it does the kids a world of good to be out at nursery.

OP posts:
MRex · 15/05/2019 15:18

I don't think your DP is being fair to say "lazy", you're tired. 3 little ones and managing the care between you like that I'm surprised he isn't tired too. It won't be forever, try to be kind to each other.

nogooddeedgoesunpunished · 15/05/2019 15:18

Just came on to say I hear you. It's really hard work having no time to yourself and constantly watching the clock. I leave the house most days at 7.30 to drop off and arrive back after 6 with a tired, hungry child. There is zero time to mess around so I run it like a military operation. Car packed the night before, lunch in the fridge waiting to be popped in bags, tea prep done. I agree with other posters. Having the children in the same setting makes life easier but if this isn't possible for now go for easy meal options and you have to relax your expectations of yourself. You can only do so much particularly if you are working full time and having to most of it solo. It's tough though and as for being lazy Angry

ILoveMaxiBondi · 15/05/2019 15:22

Because most kids go to nursery

They don’t have to though if the pick up is causing such chaos in the evening.

Don't think he would be keen to collect them because then they are out a lot earlier, meaning less time in nursery

But it makes your evening so much easier? In fact I would tell him to collect them at 5 meaning you could head straight home from work to them and he could head to work. No babies being shunted about in cars. How far is work from where you live?