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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be struggling with work and nursery runs

156 replies

cheesemixup · 15/05/2019 14:58

So I've finally managed to cut my hours down from work I now do 9.30-5.
My partner takes ds to nursery at 12.
Dd nursery is 35 min away, she starts at 1.

Ds comes out at 5.15 (I'm always late)
And dd at 5.45. By the time I get home it's usually 6.35ish

But I'm shattered!! I feel like I can't cope collecting them, work won't let me leave any earlier and the nursery is funded hours so can't put them in any longer. I was moaning to my partner how I'm struggling and he just called me lazy aibu?

I realise this is something parents do every day, maybe because I'm not in the habit of it just yet?
I also have 9m old baby too and it just feels never ending!!
Is there any way to make it any easier? Or do I just grin and bear it?

OP posts:

Original poster

cheesemixup · 15/05/2019 18:39

We are struggling majorly, before it seemed fair because I got time to myself and he got time here and there but now it is just constantly full on!
By the time I'm home and re heated dinner, changed the baby its practically bed time.
Wash the dishes then I'm in bed myself as I know the baby gets up at 4. It's hard, harder than I imagined

OP posts:

MrsWombat · 15/05/2019 18:42

Does your DD do 5 sessions? Could you drop it to 2 or 3 until September or longer so some days you don't have 2 drop off/pick ups?

littleducks · 15/05/2019 18:43

Goodness if its only been a week no wonder you are finding it hard, takes time to adjust to changes like that and all get used to it.

stucknoue · 15/05/2019 18:45

It's hard, but you need to work out a better system for September, having multiple settings to collect from won't work for the long term.

Purpleartichoke · 15/05/2019 18:46

If you are consistently half an hour late to pick up a child, I’m surprised they haven’t started charging you. Being late to pickup is not sustainable.

Copperandtod · 15/05/2019 18:52

OP I have had the same set up for 19 years. My OH has always worked nights and I have always worked full time and had to pick 4 kids up from 3 different childcare places. It was always a mad rush. Then home tea bed washing. Once you’ve been in the routine for a few weeks it will settle down I’m sure. It’s life for working parents with children.

Snog · 15/05/2019 19:01

Sounds like your dp has a tough life is he is looking after a baby all day and then going out to work until midnight??

Would it make more sense to use a childminder for all 3 kids and then both work 9-5? Is this possible?

adaline · 15/05/2019 19:03

Why can't your partner cope with all of his children?

Original poster

cheesemixup · 15/05/2019 19:04

Because 3 constantly at home is hell on earth? I couldn't manage them all either.

OP posts:

arethereanyleftatall · 15/05/2019 19:11

Adaline - the partner already works a full time job, in to the early hours. Then on top of that you want him to look after 3 under 5s, including a new born all day?
Reverse the roles. How many mothers do you get on mn saying they've looked after the baby all day on their own and it's not fair to then have to make dinner when husband comes home, and everyone says 'yes, you should share cooking.' Yet, here a guy who looks after 3 dc in the morning, baby all day, does the cooking, his share of chores and a full time job- and it's not enough?!?

NewAccount270219 · 15/05/2019 19:17

Would it make more sense to use a childminder for all 3 kids and then both work 9-5? Is this possible?

Presumably the issue is that this would cost a lot more than OP is currently paying. I was wondering the opposite - would it make sense for one of you to cut down your hours? Is that financially viable?

BendydickCuminsnatch · 15/05/2019 19:24

Just because there are women up and down the country doing it and it’s ‘normal’, doesn’t mean it can’t feel utterly shit OP. It sounds so so stressful to work full time then get home for dinner-bath-bed-housework.

My 4yo and 18mo both go to nursery and I don’t work, shock horror 😄 it’s totally fine OP, in fact it’s enriching for all of us, don’t feel bad.

kaytee87 · 15/05/2019 19:27

Fucking hell are people seriously suggesting that the ops husband looks after a 9mo, 2yo & 4yo all day, do the housework and dinner then go out to work from 6pm-1am just to save op from collecting 2 kids from nursery after a normal day at work???
When does your husband sleep op?

kaytee87 · 15/05/2019 19:29

I mean ffs the guy is already at home all day with a baby and all morning with the 2 older kids before doing 2 nursery runs himself.

Llareggub · 15/05/2019 19:33

Tiring or not it isn't sustainable, surely? They are going to get irritated that you are late, are they not?

kaytee87 · 15/05/2019 19:37

You can't keep collecting your child late.

I would ask your DH if he will collect all of the dc and bring them to you at work before you head home but to try and even up the workload he would no longer make dinner as you'd have more time without doing the nursery run.

IceRebel · 15/05/2019 19:44

When does your husband sleep op?

I was wondering the same thing, he must be bloody exhausted.

GreenFieldsofFrance · 15/05/2019 19:46

Hi op, i don't really have any advice but wanted to add some solidarity. I had 3 young ones with a similarish pick up situation as you and I can honestly say some days I didn't know if I could go on. It was the drudgery, the constant negotiating with getting 1 reluctant child down the road to get the other one, knowing the other one would also be difficult to get home. At one point I was doing it with 3 under the age of 5 and i can't even describe some of the scenes of drama we'd have on the way home. All to get in and still have to carry on with more drudgery. Wake up and repeat.

It does pass. Remember it won't be like this forever, it constantly changes but don't be hard on yourself. Just because some people find it easy or even don't find it too bad, some of us struggle with specific things and there's nothing wrong with that. This particular thing was my bug bear.

adaline · 15/05/2019 19:46

Adaline - the partner already works a full time job, in to the early hours. Then on top of that you want him to look after 3 under 5s, including a new born all day?

Well, I was just suggesting it because it might be slightly easier than them both doing two sets of nursery runs each in five hours. OP works full-time too and yet she has to do the evening routine completely solo with three children - why is it any different?

Original poster

cheesemixup · 15/05/2019 19:47

He sleeps from 2am until 8am when I have to leave.
He won't be able to get them any earlier as he would have to leave the house at 4 and he only gets home at 2.

OP posts:

arethereanyleftatall · 15/05/2019 19:49

It's different cos they're asleep for most of it presumably.

MyBlueMoonbeam · 15/05/2019 19:49

Try (on your own all week coz husband working away) managing a child who didn't sleep through the night until he was 5 years old - 8 dogs - 3 horses - a goat - a cat - no central heating - living in the middle of nowhere - no family in the same country - I think some of you need to take a reality check tbh - we had no money & no holidays for 10 years 🙄

Copperandtod · 15/05/2019 19:49

I agree adaline. OP has them solo in evenings so her DH could have them during the day. Same thing

Original poster

cheesemixup · 15/05/2019 19:52

And gets the weekend to sleep in.
I don't, ever.

I've been up every day at 4, sometimes even 3 since my youngest was born 9 months ago.

Bearing in mind this only started a week ago so he has had plenty of sleep before now. I realise that doesn't help as you can't exactly store your sleep but I feel guilty enough as it is and now I just feel worse. Like I'm not pulling my weight or something
I enjoy working, I've been stuck in the house with the same 4 walls since my son was born almost 5 years ago. I finally found somebody to give me a job(I was doing 5am until 1pm) but have now switched it around at the request of my partner but that still isn't working for us either!
Partner prefers evening shift and will not get a job in the day(he could start at 2 but refuses it)

OP posts:

Lwmommy · 15/05/2019 19:54

Sorry if this.has already been said but can you slide.your.shift so instead of 9.30-5 you do 9-4.30?

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