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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be struggling with work and nursery runs

156 replies

cheesemixup · 15/05/2019 14:58

So I've finally managed to cut my hours down from work I now do 9.30-5.
My partner takes ds to nursery at 12.
Dd nursery is 35 min away, she starts at 1.

Ds comes out at 5.15 (I'm always late)
And dd at 5.45. By the time I get home it's usually 6.35ish

But I'm shattered!! I feel like I can't cope collecting them, work won't let me leave any earlier and the nursery is funded hours so can't put them in any longer. I was moaning to my partner how I'm struggling and he just called me lazy Sad aibu?

I realise this is something parents do every day, maybe because I'm not in the habit of it just yet?
I also have 9m old baby too and it just feels never ending!!
Is there any way to make it any easier? Or do I just grin and bear it?

OP posts:
Mintandthyme · 15/05/2019 15:23

you are working full time and having to most of it solo.

Unless I am misreading the op is not doing most of it solo.
Her dp takes the older 2 to two different nurseries, has the baby all day, does all the cooking then drops the baby to the op’s workplace and then goes to work for 6pm.

Lllot5 · 15/05/2019 15:24

I think they could still go to nursery but he could pick them up bit earlier only have to be hour or so, then drop them to you and straight home.

adaline · 15/05/2019 15:24

Sounds like you both have very busy days.

He doesn't finish work until gone midnight, spends his morning looking after three children, has two to drop off at different nurseries, then he still has the baby to watch until he heads off to work until 1am and it starts over.

You're at work all day, have two nursery runs to do, and then have to battle the dinner/bath/bed routine for two young children and a baby on your own!

It sounds like neither of you have much time to yourself and due to your hours you probably don't see much of each other either. It will get better!

You can only do so much particularly if you are working full time and having to most of it solo.

To be fair, he does his fair share too - it's not like he spends all day asleep. He doesn't get in from work until gone midnight and does childcare/nursery runs all day until he goes back to work again!

WaterOffaDucksCrack · 15/05/2019 15:25

I think you just need to get into a routine. With the nursery being so far away I'd be looking at a child minder or something closer to home.

I know it's difficult having done all nursery drop offs and pick ups and cooking/house stuff etc as a lone parent. Compromises/prioritising usually happens when kids are small!

TwittleBee · 15/05/2019 15:26

I'm just shocked that it's an extra £50 a day for your kids to stay a bit later. It would be a lot cheaper to ask a childminder to pick them up and drop them off home!

Here it's only £7 an hour for additional hours.

adaline · 15/05/2019 15:27

Would it be easier for the older two to not attend nursery? Or to go to a childminder instead?

Then all that needs to happen is DP has the children all day, drops them with you for when you finish, then you head home and he goes to work?

beachysandy81 · 15/05/2019 15:31

Could the children switch to a morning session instead? You might still have to drop them but at least at the end of the day they will be home so you can get straight there?

beachysandy81 · 15/05/2019 15:38

It sounds like quite an equal relationship between you and your husband in terms of childcare etc. I hope the baby naps in the afternoon so he gets some downtime, and I hope your children go to sleep relatively early so you get some time then!!!

Original poster
cheesemixup · 15/05/2019 15:39

I usually end up getting the bus after picking up dd as the work just knackers me Blush
I know they don't have to attend nursery but it is so good for them especially ds who is learning all about primary one.

Don't get me wrong my partner does loads around the house, he isn't lazing about or anything!
He usually work from 2 until midnight but because I've changed hours he had to change his as well.

Changing the kids to morning nursery could be a possibility, but have to watch as with ds going 5o school I think he starts at 9, so dd needs to start later than 9.30 preferably.

I don't think he would manage with them at home and would struggle to keep them amused/help them learn and stuff (so would I tbh so no slight on him!)

OP posts:
mindutopia · 15/05/2019 15:40

You need them in the same nursery near school or a childminder. This is madness. It does not get easier when school starts. I have one in school and one in nursery and nursery is only 10 minutes away (it’s the closest one). That is stressful enough. This won’t be sustainable when you have to do a 3pm pick up anyway so you’ll need to figure out a better solution. Childminder that can have them both now and will do afterschool care?

Original poster
cheesemixup · 15/05/2019 15:43

Having DS in school will be so much easier I reckon?
The nursery is on the grounds of the school so not any extra distance. DP drops him off at 9, then doesn't need to go back out until its dd time for nursery, (her nursery is near a tesco so he could grab a few bits) by the time he is on the way back itll be time to pick ds up!
So so much easier but admittedly it's not me doing it so I don't know

OP posts:
EightWellies · 15/05/2019 15:44

I don't understand why your DD is in nursery either, if her dad is at home. I can see why you'd want your DS to be in the school nursery, but your DD is only 2. If you pulled her out until she's old enough for the school nursery then you'd have to do much less running around. Sympathy though, it is all a total juggle.

TFBundy · 15/05/2019 15:44

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

Original poster
cheesemixup · 15/05/2019 15:46

When ds was in his first year of nursery he finished at 3.
So DP dropped him off for 12, I picked him up for 3, went back home then left at 4.30 to pick dd up! So I do think school hours will be easier.
I really don't want the childminder option, I know they are handy but I'd just prefer mine to be in nursery, especially like I say with ds having trouble adapting to things as it is!

OP posts:
EightWellies · 15/05/2019 15:47

Oh and..just thinking ahead to school, is there an after school facility, or will you have to rejig things again?

Original poster
cheesemixup · 15/05/2019 15:48

Dd in nursery because I felt it would help with her speech, I also have been through some trying times with ds behaviour towards her and I felt it would do her some good to be out with children her own age who do not cause her any harm.
She doesn't have any speech either and again felt like being around others would help this!

She has been going a few months now (shock horror when I stayed at home and didn't have a job!!) So would be a shame to pull her out

OP posts:
Original poster
cheesemixup · 15/05/2019 15:52

A good 70% of parents at either nursery do not work. Do you really only send your child if you're working?
Mine would be bored stiff at home, climbing the walls!

OP posts:
adaline · 15/05/2019 15:52

You need to weigh up the benefits of nursery against the extra work it's causing you at the end of the day. If you think they both need to be in nursery, then you'll just have to suck up the stressful evenings - there doesn't really seem to be a way around it.

Personally I would take the younger one out of nursery at least until DS goes to school in September. Your DH already copes with three in the morning, surely he can manage with two in the afternoons? Only having one drop off to manage will make things much easier for the pair of you - surely you must spend a decent chunk of time travelling to/from/between nurseries?

adaline · 15/05/2019 15:52

Surely children are only bored at home if you don't provide them with activities?

floribunda18 · 15/05/2019 15:53

How about putting them both with a local childminder near your house? And collect them both at 5.30pm. Childminders are much more flexible on hours. I never even looked at nurseries as I had to rely on unreliable trains being on time and would have been rushing around every day. They could still go to pre-school.

Fiveredbricks · 15/05/2019 15:58

No @cheesemixup they don't all go to nursery. Most don't go to nursery until 3, if at all. Otherwise we'd need a lot more nurseries, wouldn't we? You don't have to use your full free entitlement either. Why can't DH have them at home two days a week?

Also how are you qualifying for free hours for your dd if you both work Confused you'd be earning over the entitlement threshold. And if you're paying for it, you need to stop and DH needs to have her for an extra few hours a week.

Original poster
cheesemixup · 15/05/2019 15:59

My son goes to nursery, is that not pre school?
He is due to start school in August which is why I'm not keen to change anything.
I realise this means I'm just going to have to suck it up, it's only been like this for a week but I'm just finding it mentally draining. Maybe as I get into the swing of it, it'll become easier

OP posts:
MilkLady02 · 15/05/2019 16:00

Can your partner pick up the kids from nurseries and bring them to your work with the baby?

Original poster
cheesemixup · 15/05/2019 16:00

Because dd was entitled from months back when I wasn't working. Back when DP was doing part time hours and earning under £610 so she was entitled from back then(think January)

OP posts:
Lost5stone · 15/05/2019 16:01

Do you really only send your child if you're working well yes... we couldn't afford to send DD for the fun of it! I just make sure her days are engaging and fun with lots of activities

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