To be struggling with work and nursery runs

[cheesemixup]

So I've finally managed to cut my hours down from work I now do 9.30-5.
My partner takes ds to nursery at 12.
Dd nursery is 35 min away, she starts at 1.

Ds comes out at 5.15 (I'm always late)
And dd at 5.45. By the time I get home it's usually 6.35ish

But I'm shattered!! I feel like I can't cope collecting them, work won't let me leave any earlier and the nursery is funded hours so can't put them in any longer. I was moaning to my partner how I'm struggling and he just called me lazy aibu?

I realise this is something parents do every day, maybe because I'm not in the habit of it just yet?
I also have 9m old baby too and it just feels never ending!!
Is there any way to make it any easier? Or do I just grin and bear it?

For those questioning the free nursery hours - From what OP says about primary 1 she might be in Scotland.

If the OPs child qualified for free 2 years old care which could be due to low income then that eligibility continues even if circumstances change. So if the income goes up free hours may continue

www.mygov.scot/childcare-costs-help/funded-early-learning-and-childcare/

In England it looks like the free 2 year old hours stop if income rises

www.gov.uk/help-with-childcare-costs/free-childcare-2-year-olds

The nurseries aren’t really a problem. OP leaves work. She goes to nursery one picks up one child. She goes to nursery 2 picks up the second child. All 4 of them head home for normal nighttime routine. Not really a huge deal

Surely I’m not the only person still stuck on the 50 odd quid a DAY for 2 and a half extra hours of nursery care? That cannot be right. I’m in the North East of England and that’s the normal daily rate of a nursery here.

Well it’s not £54 for 2 hours, that’s obviously the day rate. They won’t allow OP to just pay for the odd 2 hours (most wont, go be fair) although my nursery would let you pay session rate (1/2 day) however that’s still going to be pretty unaffordable every day

Thanks indianbackground, I hadn’t realised Scotland was different

@adeline you seem really determined to play down the DH's part. He has not a second to himself and they both want to keep the kids in nursery, not sure what he's doing wrong.

No, not at all. I think he's doing plenty but he does have the luxury of only having the baby for the afternoon as the older two are in childcare. OP is either at work or looking after all three children.

It sounds exhausting and I know I couldn’t be doing with all the separate pick ups!!

I also don’t understand how your child still gets free hours now you’re working?

These free hours will stop next term I imagine when you tell them you’re working so what is the plan for your daughter then? Will you be paying for her to go or will she will be at home with your husband?

It must be very hard not having any time with your husband - I think that can place a huge amount of stress on a relationship.

Sounds like you both have it as equally tough

Have your moan. Yes it’s absolutely exhausting and a treadmill. But, it is a phase. You will eventually come out the other side and have a slightly easier routine.
For future decisions on childcare, try as far as possible to have all the children on one site, this makes a massive difference to the stress level and logistics!

It would be very unfair to the DH to have a 2 year old at home as well as 9 month old all day and then have to go do a night shift. He must barely get 5 hours sleep if he's finishing at 1am, time to get home and into bed and then I'll guess children are waking at 6 (or 5 if you're my DD!).

Yes, mum has to have all 3 of them after work but it's only for a few hours before bedtime and then the night is here and she can sleep until the next morning.

I do think it's just a case of suck it up until your DD is at the school nursery. Nursery & school drop off/pick up is rarely simple when working too.

And 3 under 5.. of course you're not going to have time for yourself - it's going to be a number of years before you do.

All the separate pick ups?

There are 2!!!!!!

Op you sound like you are doing a great job at keeping it together. You must be exhausted.

I work days (and commute a fair distance) and dp works shifts. I do the evenings alone with 2 childcare pick ups in opposite directions and it isn't easy. It is bloody tiring and stressful. Just because your dp has it tough too doesn't mean you can't also find it hard.

Your DC will get older and things will get easier. If possible try to get the baby into the same childcare as the 2yr old when the time comes, it'll save all this dashing about.

I think some of the posters have missed that you are in Scotland and our childcare system is slightly different.

You know what, I find working, having one DC, doing all drop offs and pick ups every day, and having a dog bloody tiring so you must both be bloody knackered

The thing that stuck out to me was that you DH wants to do evenings but could do afternoon shifts. Would this help you all in any way? If so i’d be looking at it again

I’m tired just reading about you and your DHs days.

I think you’ve got 3 kids under 5, not great sleepers, and you both work full time. There’s no scenario where you won’t be completely exhausted

Can’t your DH just pick up one kid early and bring them and the baby to you and then you just have to do one pick up?

No my dd hours won't stop, they are already aware we are both working and have said it will continue, because she was entitled from back when we weren't working.
Next April she will be in my son's nursery and by October 2020 the baby would be in the nursery my dd is currently in but would automatically get 30hrs which helps massively.

I'm going to see if I can finish work an hour earlier to save DP having to take baby to me.
It's a lot of faffing about I agree! Maybe I should have just kept being a SAHM

I think it’s very unusual for both parents to work full time actually with 3 under 5. I would imagine most in this situation have a SAHP

Although the nursery situation will have improved by October, your son will be in school so you may have problems with the earlier finishing time. I know a lot of after school provisions have limited spaces, and some don't accept reception aged children at all. Also there will be the issue of finding care during the holidays.

3 under 5 is going to be hard whichever way you cut it and whatever you do.

3 under 5 with two full time working parents and not a lot of money to splash on childcare is always going to be an exhausting nightmare. It is NOT weird to find it grim and relentless. Be kind to yourself and each other. (And do explode any practical ideas for making the logistics easier, of course). Good luck!

Explore. Not explode.

Try to be kind to yourself,you have had a lot of changes to deal with in the last few months .Working as a parent of 3 under 5 s ,is going to be challenging TBH.In a few weeks you will possibly be into a routine and things will seem easier .Going to this sort of set up from SAHM is going to take some getting used to I think.Stick with it but if you feel overwhelmed speak to your partner ,and if it doesnt work out and you have to give up dont feel bad about it .You have tried your best and thats all anyone can do .Sometimes you have to balance the stress of being a working parent against the extra money.

I wont need childcare during the holidays my partner will still be there

Apologies, I wrongly assumed that because you choose to use childcare now, despite having a parent at home, that during the holidays you would also be looking at different activities and clubs.

Consider a nanny for all three of the kids, which may be cheaper than all the nursery fees (and certainly easier) and both parents working day time hours. Much simpler.

She’s not paying any nursery fees 😭 how on earth could a nanny be cheaper?