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Original poster

To ask how many of you got engaged after 5+ years?

171 replies

StrawberriesAndVanilla · 15/05/2019 13:08

Was chatting with a friend the other day about her upcoming wedding anniversary, and ended up talking about how her and her DH got engaged after just over 5 years of being together.

It got me wondering how common waiting 5 years (or more) is for an engagement?
I remember when I was a kid, I used to think couples become engaged, married, bought a house and had a kid on the way all within 5 years!

I see some old friends on my Facebook getting engaged within 18 months - 2 years of being with their partners, and question whether they're jumping the gun, or if 2 years is a more appropriate time to wait as opposed to 5?

I've been with DP coming up to 5 years this year, and we're blissfully happy, talk about a wedding and marriage on an almost weekly basis (not always instigated by me, I might add), but no sign of a proposal yet. I half feel like it's going to be happening soon, half wonder if it's ever going to happen!

So, how long did your DH's/DP's take to drop one on knee?

OP posts:
MrsDesireeCarthorse · 15/05/2019 17:16

7 years. Too young before then, neither felt ready.

Rezie · 15/05/2019 17:21

We've been together for 7 years now and are talking about getting married "someday". I think the shortest relationship before marriage in my circles has been 4 years. So I'd say 5 years is really common.

WanderingAimlessly · 15/05/2019 17:22

Bought a house together after being together about 18 months. We got engaged after roughly 3 years together and got married about 6 years later. We’ve been married 12 years. (So together for 21years-ish)

Aria999 · 15/05/2019 17:24

6 years. Then we talked about it, agreed, and I asked him.

Osirus · 15/05/2019 17:25

Got together in 2006 - him 26, me 24

House in 2008

Baby in 2016

Married in 2017

No proposal, just agreed between us to get married.

RandomAmanda · 15/05/2019 17:28

DH and I were together 12 years before we married. Five years married next month.

forestafantastica · 15/05/2019 17:29

Got engaged after 3 weeks. Got married after 15 years Grin We always knew, but there just seemed to be better things to plan/save for. We had a joint pension/joint mortgage/pets/joint bank account years before we managed to get married.

TapasForTwo · 15/05/2019 17:30

We just agreed to get married 21 months after we first met, and got married 9 months later - so, the wedding was two and a half years after we met. And we will be celebrating our 38th wedding anniversary later this year. No formal engagement.

Giantsbane · 15/05/2019 17:31

We got together when I was 19 and him 22. Got engaged 6 years later and married 6 months later. Now 10 years and two kids 😊 I agree a lot of it is age. Friends who got together the same time as us were together a while first as we were all so young but some friends have met and married people since our engagement

PanamaPattie · 15/05/2019 17:36

We met in October and were married at the end of March the following year We were engaged for 10 days.

MumbleLumble · 15/05/2019 17:37

We had been together almost 7 years before we got married. Didn't really have an engagement or a wedding. (got married in jeans at the registry office with a few people) but we already had two kids before we married.

Lakefront · 15/05/2019 17:38

I met my Dh when i was 15 he was 17,.we moved in together after 10yrs when we got engaged we had been together 14yrs & married on our 15yr anniversary. We have now been together 26yrs & have 4 children between the ages of 15-2.

WombatChocolate · 15/05/2019 17:40

We were late 20s and engaged at 18 months, engaged for 6 months and married at our 2 year point.

I think a lot depends on timing and your approach to relationships and marriage. If people are living together and if they have children already, it can sometimes take years and years or never happen because there doesn't seem any impetus to do it, because often at least one of them wonders what the point would be, or there can be a very lengthy engagement.

If you don't live together there can be a very definite choice that needs to be made to change life generally - it might be to marry and live together or to marry and move across the country to be together....I think there is less drift in a relationship when a definite choice really needs to happen - people decide to marry or to break up.

Lotsnofnpeopke who live together in their 20s seem to get engaged around 30 or when they want a first baby - that seems to drive the decision. Those people have sometimes lived together for many years or sometimes just a short time, but their age makes em ready to do it.

I do think that if people live together for a long time it becomes more unlikely that they will marry. There are lots of women on MN who have been living with partners for many years, many of whom have kids and who would like to marrying U to heir partner doesn't seem interested or certainly in no hurry and it can be a bone of contention. I can see why people might think that if their partner was willing to live with them and have kids with them, why is marriage needed, because they already have done some of the biggest commitment things. However, it seems lots (not all of course) women still would like to be married and feel more secure if they are.

Personally I wouldn't have wanted to be in a relationship in my late 20s where we got to 18 months and weren't even starting to discuss marriage and a long term future. If someone hadn't been interested in even talking about it, I'd have been off. I wouldn't have minded if the answer was no (probably a break up then) or they weren't ready yet (I'd have been happy to wait if they were at least considering the issue) but personally I knew Inwanted to get married and it was important to me and so I needed to be with someone who also wanted to be married. I guess that any boyfriends I had would have known that about me - I don't think it was a pressure particularly but they would have known where they were and if that wasn't in their thinking they knew there wasn't going to be a future and I wasn't going to be living with them into a distant and unknown future. Lots of people are happy to do that but I wasn't.

Op, you sound keen to get married. If that's the case, make sure you make it clear to your partner that you'd like to be married and if you'd likened have children and be married before you have them, make sure he knows that too. If you have an idea of by when you'd like to have kids, it's fine and kften helpful to say so. If you're happy to be together unmarried into an unmarried indefinite future then of course that's fine too and perhaps you don't need that conversation. Your partner sounds like he isn't averse to marriage or getting engaged. Having been together for 5 years and having talked about it, it's not a crazy idea. If you're keen to get on with it, it just might really help if you make it a bit clearer how keen you are - because if he is essentially up for it but just not getting on with it, a little nudge might be all that's needed. And if he really isn't actually up for it at all, at least by having a bit of a conversation you will have a chance to find out.

Rufusthebewilderedreindeer · 15/05/2019 17:42

6 weeks to propose

Though he probably would have proposed earlier Grin

puppymouse · 15/05/2019 17:42

DH and I were together 7 years before we got engaged. Not sure why. Except we met pretty young (23). It did piss me off towards the end though.

origamiunicorn · 15/05/2019 17:43

It's up to the people involved surely? Everyone has different circumstances, what's right for one isn't right for another.

Me and DP met in Uni and wanted to finish our studies, gets jobs and save for a house before getting married. So we were together 10 years before getting engaged. We have been engaged a year now. That won't suit everyone, but it suits us.

Chickenwing · 15/05/2019 17:43

6 years. Not a fun wait for me!!

origamiunicorn · 15/05/2019 17:44

I meant save and but our own house.

NerrSnerr · 15/05/2019 17:44

We were 19 when we met. We got engaged after 11 years, married 12 years, bought a house 13 years, first child 13 years and second child 15 years!

TattiePants · 15/05/2019 17:51

We were 18 and 21 when we got together and it took us 11 years to get engaged (married the following year). If it had been up to DH I imagine we would have been married a lot earlier.

BogglesGoggles · 15/05/2019 17:55

Most people I know got engaged within the first two years. Many go married within one year. I think it mostly depends on whether you want children and how old you were when you got together (people who get together at university areoftrn together for something close to ten years before a proposal occurs)

Mrsmch123 · 15/05/2019 18:03

We got engaged after 10 years together and married the following year. We did get together when I was 17 tho. Bought our house after 4 years as we were both studying for our careers.

LoubyLou1234 · 15/05/2019 18:06

8 years here ... no engagement yet. We have a house and that's a big commitment in my eyes. Thee marriage thing will happen at some point but neither of us like fuss.

NCforthis2019 · 15/05/2019 18:08

Me. Met at 20- married at 25, First child at 29, second child at 31.

10000thusername · 15/05/2019 18:21

Me and my DH have been together since I was 19 and he was 24, I always said I didn't want to get engaged before I was 25, he proposed a month after I turned 25 and we got married a yearish later when I was 26 and we'd been together 7 years

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