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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To say very few women would be interested in this man as a long-term option.

182 replies

brokenpromisesorlies · 14/05/2019 20:41

I walked away from the man I loved because I just couldn’t cope with the following list! Before I tell you the list he is very attractive, financially stable and incredibly intelligent! Can I ask if you, as a woman could forge a life with this man;

Complex sexual practices to include delivering pain, bisexuality and exhibitionism.

Workaholic

Unable to empathise/ display compassion. I would go as far as to suggest he might be a sociopath.

He didn’t buy me as much as a birthday card/ cup of coffee in a year of dating.

Periods of severe depression and suicidal ideation.

Constantly compared my looks/figure to other women and talked about ‘beautiful young men’! I have been left feeling very unattractive and low, despite him frequently telling me how beautiful I am.

Sometimes unnecessarily unkind and would create issues to be able to verbally chastise me/ ignore me.

He would gave actual, childlike tantrums!

All decisions re; telephone calls, catch-ups had to be decided by him, he never agreed to see me/ speak to me if I made the suggestion!

He has no social network. He doesn’t make an effort to stay in touch with family and friends, never married, no DC etc at almost 50!

Most of his relationships ended before 12 months!

He constantly told me he wanted me, wanted to settle down but his actions, attitude and behaviours meant that there was absolutely no way that I could stay without becoming completely broken!

I miss him! Tell me I’ve done the right thing and nobody would have been able to make that work! Sad

OP posts:
CSIblonde · 16/05/2019 22:52

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brokenpromisesorlies · 16/05/2019 23:24

CSIblonde I’ve often wondered about the ‘bi’ bit - he’d talked about us having sex with someone else (we never did, I wasn’t into it), but it was always about adding a man not a woman! I wonder if you’re right?

OP posts:
Mythreefavouritethings · 16/05/2019 23:51

Is there something else going on for you that’s made him an attractive proposition perhaps. If so, maybe addressing that (loneliness, low self-esteem, etc) might be the most effective way of dealing with the sadness. It sounds like he might have been a sticking plaster covering up other things? 🤷‍♀️

Mythreefavouritethings · 16/05/2019 23:51

Stay strong, it WILL pass.

Mothership4two · 17/05/2019 00:42

there was absolutely no way that I could stay without becoming completely broken!

I think you answered your own question.

Do you miss him or do you miss someone. Are you lonely? Who wants someone who has a detrimental effect on them? Maybe you need to look at ways to move on and live life successfully without him. Good luck :)

Pandaponda · 17/05/2019 07:24

Dear OP as pp have said you are well out of this relationship. Stay strong, stay nc. If you haven’t already check out Lundy Bancroft. He’s written books aimed at women in abusive relationships including Why Does He Do That? Really helps understand and identify abusive behaviour and has great advice for women post relationship. Please look after yourself and keep steering clear.

brokenpromisesorlies · 17/05/2019 17:53

I’ll definitely look into some of the suggested reading! Thanks for the recommendations.

I’m feeling much stronger today.

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