To say very few women would be interested in this man as a long-term option.

[brokenpromisesorlies]

I walked away from the man I loved because I just couldn’t cope with the following list! Before I tell you the list he is very attractive, financially stable and incredibly intelligent! Can I ask if you, as a woman could forge a life with this man;

Complex sexual practices to include delivering pain, bisexuality and exhibitionism.

Workaholic

Unable to empathise/ display compassion. I would go as far as to suggest he might be a sociopath.

He didn’t buy me as much as a birthday card/ cup of coffee in a year of dating.

Periods of severe depression and suicidal ideation.

Constantly compared my looks/figure to other women and talked about ‘beautiful young men’! I have been left feeling very unattractive and low, despite him frequently telling me how beautiful I am.

Sometimes unnecessarily unkind and would create issues to be able to verbally chastise me/ ignore me.

He would gave actual, childlike tantrums!

All decisions re; telephone calls, catch-ups had to be decided by him, he never agreed to see me/ speak to me if I made the suggestion!

He has no social network. He doesn’t make an effort to stay in touch with family and friends, never married, no DC etc at almost 50!

Most of his relationships ended before 12 months!

He constantly told me he wanted me, wanted to settle down but his actions, attitude and behaviours meant that there was absolutely no way that I could stay without becoming completely broken!

I miss him! Tell me I’ve done the right thing and nobody would have been able to make that work!

You lost me at 'Complex sexual practices'.

That's a long list of reasons not to date him and not to make a life with him.

He's most likely got someone else to string along how so won't even reply if you do contact him.

Oh god. Honestly, one of those reasons would be enough for me to walk away and bin him off, never mind them all.

He sounds fucking awful.

Do the Freedom Programme.

You said you didn't see the whole list until dating him for a while, so he knows his behviour isn't acceptable, so hid who he truely is to start with until he felt comfortable to little by little show you the real him.

You fell for the charade at the start, you stuck with the shitty reality because you wanted the charade 'best behaviour' him to be the real him, but it wasn't an option.

It's not the real him you are missing. It's the fake one you were lead to believe he was like at the beginning.

His other relationships probably didn't last as long as he showed the real him earlier. You weren't a mug, just need to learn to walk away sooner.

Bisexuality isn’t a complex sexual practice, but that aside he sounds absolutely awful and you’re well rid.

He is still controlling you, just stop this, you know he is an absolute loser. Find someone else to fill your time. At the moment you are lonely, this will pass.

'Aspergers????????? He sounds like a narcissistic bully.'
Definitely

He’s a charismatic bully,a risk taker who preys on vulnerable women
Women like you who want to fix him.think they can love him till he heals
His social rapport and work ethos will make him superficially charming

It's like any other addiction and just as hard to give up.

When not there you remember the good things and 'kinda think' you can 'control the bad or at least your reaction to the bad. YOU CAN'T.

Mine wasn't as bad as yours appears - but bad enough, in terms of addiction anyway. In the long run the only thing I could do that stopped me from yearning for him was listing not just the crap things but how they made me feel - and listing the wrong things he did and said to others too. Sometimes, especially at my lowest, the way her hurt others or the bad things he said about others were better at strengthening my resolve. Hurting me was subjective, seeing how he hurt others was more objective that his behaviour was not acceptable rather than me deserving it.

Stay strong - you can do it and it does get better

I must emphasise dysfunction,being unsavoury,voracious sexual appetite doesn’t = Aspergers

OK, so here's my opinion about the whole Christian Grey, fifty shades of whatever archetype and why it's so seductive.

No woman loves being treated like shit by an emotionally stunted, indifferent, selfish manchild. Obviously. But what women do love is the idea that he's just like that because he hasn't met the right woman and that we could be that special, amazing person who makes them abandon all their previously held misanthropy and breaks through that shell.

We are constantly sold this idea that what makes a woman "special" is having the power to magically cure a hot but emotionally damaged man through the magical power of their own unique special love. Except the problem is that these aren't all noble and heroic but slightly damaged men waiting for the right special amazing woman to come along.

They're just fuckwits.

Just because society and fiction keep romanticising what are clearly just huge crippling personality flaws in these idiots, doesn't mean they're worth your time. Don't get sucked into being a hapless damsel in a substandard, misogynistic pulp trash romance with a walking cliche. Write yourself a better story.

Block, delete and look for someone who is emotionally and socially competent. I guarantee you'll be a lot happier. It's possible to have great chemistry with decent normal men too.

He sounds bizarre to say the least!

You're well rid OP - I'd have headed for the hills long before 12 months.

You deserve so much better!

Fixing difficult men isn’t womens work.love and hope don’t fix dysfunction
However,it’s normalised as women’s work and some women try fulfil that healer role
It’s really important to challenge the reinforcement that bad lad is exciting
On another unrelated thread someone said they liked “manly” and not wussy arty types. A reinforcement of what is acceptable or desirable in a man eg perceived masculine ,edgy etc

He's obviously awful.

Well done for contributing to MN's biphobia problem though.

Do you have a RL friend who can help when you get the urge to contact him? Sometimes we need to hear someone we trust telling us not to be fucking stupid.

I’ve been —obsessed— in love with a selfish arse who had serious issues. I made excuses for him due to his traumatic past. But actions speak louder than words and despite his outpourings of affectionate blah-blah, he showed me over and over again that he didn’t really care about me. I couldn’t fix him either, regardless of how much I loved him.

Your ex sounds worse than mine, in fact he sounds potentially dangerous. You’ve had a lucky escape. I know you miss him constantly, but if you avoid contact with him, those feelings will gradually fade.

I now wonder WTF I was thinking! My ex was a twat who managed to piss off almost everyone who knew him. My best friend couldn’t stand him. He had repeated run-ins with colleagues (and complete strangers) to the point he was almost unemployable. Other, mutual, friends didn’t want him in their house as he’d outstay his welcome and they couldn’t get rid of him. I’m better off without him in my life.

Complex sexual practices to include delivering pain, bisexuality and exhibitionism. Nope, am not a masochist and don't like sharing

Workaholic Not ideal if you wanted kids

Unable to empathise/ display compassion. I would go as far as to suggest he might be a sociopath. emotional IQ is just as important as intelligence for most people

He didn’t buy me as much as a birthday card/ cup of coffee in a year of dating. financially stable means bugger all if he is a tightwad

Periods of severe depression and suicidal ideation. will make you codependent/carer/equally depressed

Constantly compared my looks/figure to other women and talked about ‘beautiful young men’! I have been left feeling very unattractive and low, despite him frequently telling me how beautiful I am. nope

Sometimes unnecessarily unkind and would create issues to be able to verbally chastise me/ ignore me. sadist

He would gave actual, childlike tantrums! did you want a child as a partner

All decisions re; telephone calls, catch-ups had to be decided by him, he never agreed to see me/ speak to me if I made the suggestion!
control freak

He has no social network. He doesn’t make an effort to stay in touch with family and friends, never married, no DC etc at almost 50! so you could end up just as isolated long term

So many red flags there you could make a cape and enter a bullfight with it. You got out. Nothing good can come of it judging from that list.

Complex sexual practices to include delivering pain, bisexuality and exhibitionism
This alone is a dealbreaker.

Most of those points alone would be a deal breaker for me. All of them together?! How did you put up with him for so long?
Did you really love him??!!

I often see the freedom programme recommended here. Maybe you should investigate it.

But that said, because break ups are tough, even if you are well shot of him

He sounds like a nasty, abusive knobhead. He really must be "hot", as the youngsters say, to have kept you interested in spite of that list of traits!

Sorry you're feeling so conflicted about leaving him, but you deserve far better than a life with someone like that.

Mondaysaturday, standing ovation 👏

Oh god, hell no. I like my life to be simple & enjoyable!

The sexual proclivities alone would put me off. You miss him because you think you can't do any better, which you totally can. Don't sell yourself short

How on earth could you miss this Psychopath. Keep reading your list until you actually absorb the reality of it.

Fucking hell OP. You've made the right decision.