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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Did I ruin brother's wedding?

324 replies

Saavhi · 14/05/2019 12:53

Last week my brother had a small gathering following his registration wedding (that I was not invited to- only parents and children attended). The venue where they had a sit-down meal was at the top of a very long, winding road. Unfortunately, this caused me to be sick right outside the hotel. Due to the state I was in there was no way I could go in. My half-brother jumped out and explained the situation. My dp and I found somewhere for me to collect myself out as I was still feeling poorly. I rang later in the day to apologise for my absence/wish them well.

On Sunday at my parent's house, my SIL told me I ruined "the most important day of her life" (imo not true as there will be a much larger destination wedding in July). We're not at all close and she doesn't appear to like me. I have heard her call me lazy for being a SAHM. I told her she was being ridiculous and to please move on. I said that I'm not going to keep apologising for something that was beyond my control.

They are offended that dp did not attend or ring (he was parking the car when my half-brother had them on the phone).

AIBU?

OP posts:
DarlingNikita · 14/05/2019 16:34

neither of them calling

That's what I meant about giving 'notice' (or anyway, what I actually said, which was who the fuck takes note of how long it takes someone after an unfortunate event to phone to apologise).

The OP DID call. As soon as she was able. Before that, her family member explained in person.

Original poster
Saavhi · 14/05/2019 16:36

Lweji - definitely, but then I could have just handed her a wet wipe and she would have been perfectly fine. No biggie!

OP posts:
DarlingNikita · 14/05/2019 16:36

Eliza9919, you're just being stupid.

Personally, if I were a wedding guest and someone sat next to me smelling of vomit and dry shampoo mixed, it'd put me right off my salmon en croute.

NigellaAwesome · 14/05/2019 16:37

I think it was pretty aggressive of her to confront you about it. Thinking it is one thing, having it out with your new SIL and claiming she had ruined her day is quite a different scenario.

You may not have fallen out with her before, but she clearly doesn't like you. I wouldn't bother in future.

Out of interest, when you say:

When things got heated around the table he was sort playing both sides, I think in an attempt to mediate.

Was this at the wedding reception, being discussed between others, or after the fact when SIL told you you had ruined her day? Who else was present during this exchange?

TooManyPaws · 14/05/2019 16:41

there is such a thing as dry shampoo.

Does it get rid of the lumps too? I would have thought that a powder mixed with slimy wet would just make it worse but then I'm neither obtuse nor vicious.

WhenISnappedAndFarted · 14/05/2019 16:42

I've skimmed through the thread.I can't believe the amount of people who don't understand how bad travel sickness can be.

I suffer from it and it can ruin my whole day. I've been sick, I can get headaches and generally feel awful and nauseous for the rest of the day. It's horrible.

OP says she was sick on herself, surely that would put the other guests off their food? The smell of sick can linger for ages, if it's over her it wouldn't have surprised me if people could smell it.

Original poster
Saavhi · 14/05/2019 16:44

No, it was at lunch on Sunday. We were fine when we greeted each other. I genuinely wanted to hear about the day. But then she made a few sarcy comments almost under her breath. And it just escalated from there. I ignored her to begin with but that just emboldened her. My parents, dp, sister, half brother and his girlfriend were at the table.

OP posts:
LightsInOtherPeoplesHouses · 14/05/2019 16:45

there is such a thing as dry shampoo.

You're joking, right?

Dry shampoo just soaks up the grease, it doesn't actually clean your hair.

Original poster
Saavhi · 14/05/2019 16:45

^in response to NigellaAwesome

OP posts:
Original poster
Saavhi · 14/05/2019 16:46

I did try to wash the ends of my hair but I was surprised at how much gunk was still left.

OP posts:
NigellaAwesome · 14/05/2019 16:50

And what does everyone else think about her outburst?

PookieDo · 14/05/2019 16:58

OP is getting such a hard time I feel quite bad for her!

MethusalahsMum · 14/05/2019 17:03

Ugh, car valet ‘fragrances’ make me very nauseous.
I have got into a freshly valeted taxi & had to cancel the ride as I knew I would make a 100 yards before I got giddy & spewed.

Same with carpet cleaners & other heavy cleaning solutions.

Ticklingcheese · 14/05/2019 17:04

Sorry saavhi you are a most patient poster. You have answered all questions relevant or not multiple times.

Of course you feel sick after you have vomited/is car sick, most people who just carry on, tend to have had too much to drink. I wouldn't sit there reeking either.

Your real question which seems to have been forgotten, just to flame you - no you didn't do anything wrong two weddings guest not attending cannot ruin a wedding unless the bride is looking for something to fault.

It is not you, talk to your brother and leave it.

PinkSparklyPussyCat · 14/05/2019 17:04

Me to PookieDo. I'm wondering if some posters have to work at being bitches or if it comes naturally.

To be honest, if I'd been one of the other guests and someone sat next to me reeling of and covered with vomit I would have walked out of the reception myself.

MethusalahsMum · 14/05/2019 17:05

Would not make 100 yards

movinonup · 14/05/2019 17:07

What the actual fuck?

I can't believe some of the posters on this thread...Just spewed, Pee'd a bit, Feeling rotten..Aye, I'll just nip into the restaurant looking terrible and smelling worse! Because THAT wouldn't have pissed the bride off!

OP you've done absolutely nothing wrong here, Your SIL sounds like a lot of hard work.

Matildalamp · 14/05/2019 17:08

You didn’t ruin your brother’s wedding. And travel sickness is absolutely awful, it can take me a full 24 hours to feel better. It’s not just nausea, it’s the headache, tiredness. Horrible. You poor thing.

PookieDo · 14/05/2019 17:14

OP I think don’t need to keep defending yourself you don’t sound like you are a precious snowflake
It is sad that your SIL wasn’t just sad she couldn’t share it with you
I imagine if people worried about you she felt this was taking attention away from her or some personal slight

ArgyMargy · 14/05/2019 17:19

If you wet yourself just by vomiting, you should go to your GP and get referred to an incontinence service. There is really no need for this.

Pomfluff · 14/05/2019 17:22

Maybe SIL is secretly emetophobic?? It‘s much more common than people think and the majority of sufferers never reveal it to other people. Someone being unexpectedly sick at an event is a major trigger and will have “ruined“ the day for her. Emetophobia often results in irrational behaviour or anger so she could well have been projecting that onto you.

The fact that she claimed it was because you didn‘t enter the restaurant is irrelevent. (i.e she obviously didn’t want to see you covered in sick). Emetophobes are extremely good at covering up their tracks, and she knows she‘s talking about a past event where there can’t be a different outcome.

Springisallaround · 14/05/2019 17:23

I don't get these responses at all. If a guest says they were too ill to attend as they vomited, you say 'ok, sorry to hear that, would have been lovely if you could have been there' and get on with it.

No need to guilt anyone!

Or prove their vomiting wasn't 'that bad'. Presumably you were a) covered in vomit unless you had a handy bag and b) worried you might do it again.

If you had attended and vomited again then I'm sure the SIL would have complained about that.

You did the right thing and I'm puzzled at a lot of these replies. Shit happens (or wee if you are the OP).

Shadycorner · 14/05/2019 17:28

Exactly Springisallaround!

Surely if sil was emetophobic then she'd be grateful and relieved that the op stayed away from the restaurant venue!

mathanxiety · 14/05/2019 17:29

You weren't at all unreasonable to just stay away, given the vomit and pee in your clothes and hair. The situation with your DP parking and half brother using the phone is understandable too. Once a meal gets under way it's too late to phone anyway. And frankly, the only people affected by a couple of no shows are the wait staff who have to bring two plates back to the kitchen.

It sounds as if your brother can see your side. It also sounds as if your whole family witnessed the SIL making a holy show of herself trying to give you a hard time over what happened. Honestly, I would trust people to make up their own minds about who is in the right here.

If you wanted to take the wind out of her sails completely, you could offer to pay whatever your meals would have cost so they are not out financially.

Jaxhog · 14/05/2019 17:31

Not sure why she's angry. I don't imagine you vomited on purpose! She could be miffed if you were sick all over her, but I don't think that's what happend? Even then, it's hardly your fault.

Your DP was looking after you - as he should have. I guess your SiL expected him to dump you outside and fawn all over her?