Did I ruin brother's wedding?

[Saavhi]

Last week my brother had a small gathering following his registration wedding (that I was not invited to- only parents and children attended). The venue where they had a sit-down meal was at the top of a very long, winding road. Unfortunately, this caused me to be sick right outside the hotel. Due to the state I was in there was no way I could go in. My half-brother jumped out and explained the situation. My dp and I found somewhere for me to collect myself out as I was still feeling poorly. I rang later in the day to apologise for my absence/wish them well.

On Sunday at my parent's house, my SIL told me I ruined "the most important day of her life" (imo not true as there will be a much larger destination wedding in July). We're not at all close and she doesn't appear to like me. I have heard her call me lazy for being a SAHM. I told her she was being ridiculous and to please move on. I said that I'm not going to keep apologising for something that was beyond my control.

They are offended that dp did not attend or ring (he was parking the car when my half-brother had them on the phone).

AIBU?

i think the only thing done slightly wrong was the DP not nipping into the restaurant to say a quick hello and say sorry to bride/groom. At this stage i'd assume the sickness had passed and he could get some water or something for the OP to drink in the hotel car park, before driving off home.

But clearly this story should be believed anyway as the half brother was driven by them and went into the reception and saw it all.

I massively puke when in labour, (from all the drugs, it’s great fun..). Without warning, I fill bowls. Vomiting can just happen.

AutumnCrow!

God's teeth there are some obtuse people. Vomit smell in your hair is not going to be gone until you've washed it.
I still get travel sick (at my relatively advanced age) if I do the wrong things - sit in the back of the car, go on a boat... Trains and planes are ok, which is lucky.

This thread is a prime example of just how bloody contrary people are on AIBU . Some posters will argue, contradict, replace relevant facts with their preferred alternative facts and pretty much insist black is white and up is down just so they can tell OP she is BU. It's batshit .

I still think you intended to have everyone talking about you rather than focus on the B&G

Is this for real. Everyone talking about her? Have you ever been to a wedding? Talked to people? Just how much conversation could anyone get from:

"Grooms sister got sick and couldn't come" "Oh what a pity". Could you actually make any more conversation about the incident than that because I couldn't without boring myself and everyone else to death.

MN has been weird last week or so with people piling on perfectly normal situations and acting like the OP has committed a crime by having a perfectly usual life event.

And who on earth thinks their wedding is ruined if anyone other than their future spouse can't show up? Your SIL mustn't have dealt much with the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune if an absent SIL can ruin her wedding day.

YANBU! I was sick (food poisoning) as I got off a train just before Christmas. Vomit in my hair, on my clothes, feeling shaky had to drive myself home from a rural station. Despite doing my best with wipes when I reached the car, I really wasn’t wedding meal ready at that point! Some of the expectations on here are just crazy.

Ok, I was finding AIBU a little dull for a while there - no good live action parking threads, no astonishing CFs, no *zillas - but this is the second thread in two days where I'm sat here reading the replies like .

I do not want to the live in the universe some of you live in where a person who has just vomitted, has sick in their hair and on their clothes and has wet themselves is expected to drag themselves into a restaurant for a party. In particular I don't want to live in a universe where I might have to sit next to that miserable, stinking creature (no offense OP) while I eat.

PS my DS vomitted on himself and his clothing last Christmas morning from too many sweets. We cleaned him up in the tub and rinsed all of the soiled items and put them straight in the wash. I continued to get whiffs of vomit off his body and my hands for the rest of the day. The affected clothing still had a slight scent after several hot washes and a soak in vinegar.

Baby wipes and dry shampoo!

"I do not want to the live in the universe some of you live in where a person who has just vomitted, has sick in their hair and on their clothes and has wet themselves is expected to drag themselves into a restaurant for a party. In particular I don't want to live in a universe where I might have to sit next to that miserable, stinking creature (no offense OP) while I eat."

The voice of common sense.

Having just read Ben Elton's latest book, Identity Crisis, I can only think this thread has been infected by people from Communication Sandwich. 🤨
Hope some of the more sane responses have helped to reassure you OP, that you were not in the slightest bit unreasonable, and that you are fully recovered now. 💐

I really believe some posters will never tell an OP that she’s not being unreasonable. It’s AIBU and therefore the only answer allowed is YABU, don’t you realise, and the rider the better.

Travel sickness isn’t something I suffer from, thankfully, but it sounds horrendous. You shouldn’t feel guilty at all, your SIL is creating a drama for the sake of it.

When I got married, quite a few guests cancelled due to illness. It didn’t occur to me that they might be faking; people get sick sometimes, such is life.

By contrast, I can’t imagine that going to a wedding smelling of puke would ever go down well.

I thought it was a hotel though not just a restaurant, when l worked in a large hotel with function rooms l recall on a couple of occasions having to help a non staying guest whose children had been sick or a important male attendee who arrived having had a milkshake if l recall tipped all over him, with access to a shower etc. generally keep at least one room empty despite saying full. Most hotel staff are sympathetic and this situation is not unheard of. It seems a shame as you were at a place where they were geared up for what you needed most ie a shower, that nobody asked for you if they could help out. Your dh could've maybe driven to get you clean undies unless of course you're whole outfit was beyond sponging down in a bathroom and was caked in it of course.
Did the sil not elaborate on why she felt you ruined her wedding, she must have surely elaborated, it's hardly a stand alone statement is it. Was it the absence of her DB which she blamed you for? Or as pp have said were your family then more concerned about you then paying her attention or was it the mention of vomit just before a meal or what?

* Some posters will argue, contradict, replace relevant facts with their preferred alternative facts and pretty much insist black is white and up is down just so they can tell OP she is BU.* **

^THIS^
Some teenagers, taking a break from revising, have clearly invaded this thread to make goady unfair comments.

YANBU OP

Bahhhhhumbug, the OP puked on her outfit so I'd imagine it was beyond saving, yes. And driving to buy her new undies would take a while and cause more fuss/cause people to talk about her more than what actually happened.

Not to mention the OP was still feeling ill, which a shower and clean keks wasn't going to fix.

What a crazy thread. The responses of some people are really beyond comprehension. Seems to me the OP did all they reasonably could in this situation and the SIL is being very unreasonable if she is more focused on someone not attending a meal because of a situation that was totally unforeseen rather than celebrating her wedding day.

Your sil sounds as bat shit as half the posters in this thread who seem to think turning up to a wedding reception covered in piss and puke is acceptable 🤨🙄

I hope you manage to get past the tension after sil realises what a twonk she's been!

@Saavhi

I have never seen a registry office that couldn't hold a decent wedding party. Certainly not as low as 20. I think there are some ueconomy with the actualite here.

Gth1234 - I'm not lying. It's your choice to believe me or not. The registry office is located in the town hall.

My brother and SIL saw the registry bit as more of a formality ahead of their wedding in Asia.

Thanks to all the posters who have been sympathetic. Sure there were things we could have done differently but we did our best in a very chaotic (and messy) moment.

Dp was great with cleaning everything up, I'm very lucky as he really tended to me. All I had to do was focus on feeling better.

Oh ignore Gth1234. He or she just goes on threads being obtuse.

plenty of registry offices have a room limit of 20

Those evil pine tree airfresheners are my trigger for premature travel sickness. "I'm gonna..." is about all I can manage before all hell erupts from my body. I am envious of all the people on here who can apparently hold it off until it's convenient then aim it discreetly out the window or in to a bag.

No babywipes, dry shampoo or large napkin is enough for anyone to be comfortable sitting eating dinner in their pissy pants and vomited-smelling dress, even if you were feeling up to eating. Your SIL needs to wise up.

For future reference no one wants a baby wiped,dry shampooed,pukey,pissy body(sorry OP) sitting next to them at a meal , wedding or not.

Do NOT be a dick and do that!! No one will raise you a statue for being a stinky martyr.

Hmmm I guess you can look at it a number of ways.

From your point of view.

1. you were sick so didn’t want to attend.
2. there is clearly I’ll feeling from you about SIL.
3. a family get together isn’t important.

From there’s it could be:

1. a grown up being car sick is unusual.
2. the attention being taken off them for point 1, must be upsetting on there day.
3. sounds like SIL thinks you maybe a bit dramatic.
4. why was DP driving so bad it caused 1.

Sorry I like being devils advocate and can see if it was small family affair how someone grabbing attention could be frustrating for them. I’ll add I have Experience of relative do this and when it’s real situation you can’t tell.

This thread is a prime example of just how bloody contrary people are on AIBU and reading some of the replies here you can see why SiL is feeling so very entitled to be offended