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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Did I ruin brother's wedding?

324 replies

Saavhi · 14/05/2019 12:53

Last week my brother had a small gathering following his registration wedding (that I was not invited to- only parents and children attended). The venue where they had a sit-down meal was at the top of a very long, winding road. Unfortunately, this caused me to be sick right outside the hotel. Due to the state I was in there was no way I could go in. My half-brother jumped out and explained the situation. My dp and I found somewhere for me to collect myself out as I was still feeling poorly. I rang later in the day to apologise for my absence/wish them well.

On Sunday at my parent's house, my SIL told me I ruined "the most important day of her life" (imo not true as there will be a much larger destination wedding in July). We're not at all close and she doesn't appear to like me. I have heard her call me lazy for being a SAHM. I told her she was being ridiculous and to please move on. I said that I'm not going to keep apologising for something that was beyond my control.

They are offended that dp did not attend or ring (he was parking the car when my half-brother had them on the phone).

AIBU?

OP posts:
Shadycorner · 14/05/2019 16:11

To the people that have said this is unbelievable or didn't happen, have any of you smelt that hideous air-freshener that car valeting firms use? It is barftastic in the extreme. I once had to jump out of my bil's car after only ten mins of breathing in that revolting stuff, for fear I would puke all over the back seat. It gave me a cracking headache too. I do get travel sick and have the same reaction to scented candles and plug ins, so find this incident entirely believable sadly!

Poor you op Flowers

derxa · 14/05/2019 16:11

But why did you want to carry on being in the car? I would have wanted to get out and sort myself out and have a drink of water. It all sounds a bit odd.

DarlingNikita · 14/05/2019 16:12

LillithsFamiliar, I think you must just be being silly. The OP 'delegated' initially because she herself was too pukey to phone and her DP was busy finding somewhere for her to sit and get herself together.

Having her half-brother go in immediately and explain the situation is perfectly adequate, especially when followed by a phone call from the OP herself. Perhaps in your circle people set a stopwatch to time how long someone takes to phone and apologise, so they know when to be offended and how badly, but I don't think that's very usual.

Original poster
Saavhi · 14/05/2019 16:13

derxa - I'm not you. I wanted privacy.

OP posts:
Contraceptionismyfriend · 14/05/2019 16:13

@Eliza9919 the wedding breakfast is apart of the wedding. The OP wasn't invited to the ceremony. Therefore this was just a nice celebratory lunch.

notoafternoontea · 14/05/2019 16:14

There are some very odd responses here. OP, I once was sick on a FLAT road in a hot car because someone opened a small bottle of perfume. I'd been feeling sick anyway and the smell made me horribly nauseous.

I'd have gone home to get changed too....but in fairness, I would have come back. Even if it meant a 3.5 hour journey.

LillithsFamiliar · 14/05/2019 16:16

I didn't say she had to give notice! I said I don't think SIL is annoyed about the vomiting but about how they interacted after the vomiting ie OP's DP not attending; neither of them calling (or OP's DP going in to apologise/explain) and we still don't know if they offered to pay for the meals that were missed.

Original poster
Saavhi · 14/05/2019 16:20

I apologised about the meal on Sunday (genuinely felt guilty after they went to the trouble of asking for our meal choice). Brother very lightheartedly told me not to worry as our grandfather and uncle "saw to them "- apparently the courses were on the small sidel.

OP posts:
AutumnCrow · 14/05/2019 16:21

But she'd already had breakfast. It was in her hair.

bettytaghetti · 14/05/2019 16:22

I wonder if your family were all talking about you during the meal and expressing their concern and SIL was pissed off that it wasn't all about her? YADNBU, she sounds like a complete drama queen!

Original poster
Saavhi · 14/05/2019 16:23

Dp drove me to a retail park a few miles away. It never occurred to us that he should go into the restaurant.

I could not have driven.

OP posts:
Shinygoldbauble · 14/05/2019 16:25

I've been travel sick in the past, as has my dd. It sometimes overpowers you just as the car slows to a stop. I once threw up spectacularly in a bus despite my best efforts to get off in time.

Eliza9919 · 14/05/2019 16:25

Why didn't you buy a new dress and go to the meal then?

Original poster
Saavhi · 14/05/2019 16:28

Eliza9919- I was not feeling well (headache and waves of nausea) and reeked of vomit/piss.

OP posts:
LightsInOtherPeoplesHouses · 14/05/2019 16:29

Why didn't you buy a new dress and go to the meal then?

And some shampoo to wash the sick out of her hair, then just find a shower...

Lweji · 14/05/2019 16:29

we still don't know if they offered to pay for the meals that were missed.

Surely that's irrelevant. The B&G didn't have to pay extra. And could easily have asked to take the food home, if they cared that much not to waste food.

Lweji · 14/05/2019 16:30

Why didn't you buy a new dress and go to the meal then?

The husband went to fetch new clothes. By then, I presume the meal was basically over.
Long winding roads are not often located in the middle of towns or close to home.

bettytaghetti · 14/05/2019 16:30

Think some posters are having comprehension problems today. On what planet is it unreasonable to go home when you are feeling so wretched after having thrown up all over yourself? Confused

Qweenbee · 14/05/2019 16:31

Just tell her to be grateful that you did it before you got into the restaurant. Otherwise you might well have really ruined the most important day of her life Grin

AllFourOfThem · 14/05/2019 16:32

YANBU to not join them after you have been sick on yourself. However, as a life long motion sickness sufferer, I think you should have swapped with your DP and driven as even with the smell you would have felt better. The windows being down and stopping somewhere for medication (supermarkets etc sell stuff) would have helped. Despite frequently being sick and suffering on almost all longish journeys, I’ve always managed to at least be sick out of the window if not in a bag or outside of the car. Eating a lot beforehand usually helps me with motion sickness so at least if I haven’t eaten, it minimises what comes back up again.

Eliza9919 · 14/05/2019 16:32

LightsInOtherPeoplesHouses Tue 14-May-19 16:29:09
Why didn't you buy a new dress and go to the meal then?

And some shampoo to wash the sick out of her hair, then just find a shower...

there is such a thing as dry shampoo.

basically, if the OP really wanted to attend, she could have. Everything else is just excuses.

PJMasksAreOnTheirWay · 14/05/2019 16:32

There are some real obnoxious people on this thread.

Yes OP you should have just used a couple of baby’s wipes to clean yourself up and then gone to the meal stinking of vomit and feeling like shit. Or puked out the window on passers by, clearly. You’re such a bad person for not doing either of these. Hmm

Lweji · 14/05/2019 16:34

OP, don't you regret waiting to throw up right on the bride's dress?

bettytaghetti · 14/05/2019 16:34

Eliza9919 are you the SIL?

Lweji · 14/05/2019 16:34

Sorry, NOT waiting...