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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend gave me her rubbish. AIBU to feel so hurt by this?

333 replies

MyShinyWhiteTeeth · 12/05/2019 15:15

I've been struggling more for money the last few months. I am not broke but I have to really watch what I spend and budget.

A friend bought round some unwanted supplies as she knew I am short this month. I was really touched by her kindness at first but was then a bit shocked to find that all the food was out of date, opened or manky. She has very high standards on food so I'm amazed she could have found most of it acceptable.

The bread was mouldy, some of the jars were opened or way past their use by date, the vegetables were way past their best. From the two large bags of supplies she gave me only 2 items were not put straight in the bin after she left.

I feel really upset and let down by her. I can't believe she didn't notice it was all rubbish except for two obscure food items that I'll probably never use.

AIBU to want to end the friendship over this? It feels like I'm overreacting but I just feel so hurt she gave me two bags of rubbish and I thanked her so much.

OP posts:
Ravenesque · 13/05/2019 21:43

@MyShinyWhiteTeeth, you sound like a decent person to me. You're owning errors you've made that aren't nasty, just errors, god knows we all make them. Nothing you've said or done is meant nastily and you haven't gone out of your way to be cruel. What she's done is pure nasty and I honestly don't think it's a friendship worth saving. She is a nasty, spiteful, cruel bastard. As for what you spend your money on, doesn't matter if it's horses - I'd love to spend money on riding! Smile - or massage, or indeed anything at all. You could burn banknotes if you wanted, although that would be a bit mental, it's your money to do with what you want. I've had friends being a bit judgey who've pissed me off before, but there is no way I'd do what she's done. She's a hateful hellhound.

jade9390 · 13/05/2019 22:49

It seems odd but I would not end a friendship over it, as it could have been done unwittingly. She could also be struggling herself hence not being able to buy you some shopping. Open jars shared between friends are ok when you know they have hygiene standards. I have given opened items to friends which I tried and did not like but they do, so maybe you are being fussy.

SW6mama · 13/05/2019 22:56

@lifeofalchemy have you seen the movie ‘Alive’?!

Original poster
MyShinyWhiteTeeth · 13/05/2019 23:04

Thanks Ravenesque.

I think everyone believes I get hand outs from my family all the time. I did in the past but haven't for years. I don't see paying for massages any different than them having their nails or hair done.

I've joined in laughing with a few quite mean 'jokes' that my friend has pulled. Some have felt a bit nasty but I've not really directly experienced them as a target until now. It's not so fun on the other side of them.

OP posts:
Lunde · 13/05/2019 23:20

@jade9390 - It seems odd but I would not end a friendship over it, as it could have been done unwittingly. She could also be struggling herself hence not being able to buy you some shopping. Open jars shared between friends are ok when you know they have hygiene standards. I have given opened items to friends which I tried and did not like but they do, so maybe you are being fussy.

You need to read the updates - OP's so called friend gave her the bag of mouldy bread, veg turned to slime and opened jars way over their date on purpose - it was apparently a cruel joke

SleepingSloth · 13/05/2019 23:46

I've joined in laughing with a few quite mean 'jokes' that my friend has pulled. Some have felt a bit nasty but I've not really directly experienced them as a target until now. It's not so fun on the other side of them.

It sounds like being back at school with the bitches in the playground. You've laughed when she's been a bitch to others and you've only now realised it not very nice when it's happened to you ? Really? If you want to be a nice person, simply be kind to people and keep away from the bitches instead of joining in.

SleepingSloth · 13/05/2019 23:48

Or better still, stand up for the other people that she's being a bitch to !

llizzie · 14/05/2019 01:52

She is not your friend. No friend would put you in danger of food poisoning or worse, and that is just what she did and you should think twice before you call her friend. There are people who pretend to be all sorts of things and you must be wary of someone who could do such a terrible thing.

Thank you for posting. It is a good warning to others. I will not even give a drink from an open bottle of water to anyone. I keep singles of fruit juice and for years have told people they must not accept a drink of anything from an open bottle, and that goes for children too. I hope everyone on mumsnet make their children aware that they must refuse food and drink if from an open packet.

Bignosenobum · 14/05/2019 02:35

Am do sorry. How rotten. I would possibly throw the lot out and if she offers again just no, as unfortunately the food you gave had gone off.
xxxxx

Bignosenobum · 14/05/2019 03:08

FireflyEden stop bring horrible.

PatricksRum · 14/05/2019 03:08

Not funny at all!

Psalmist21 · 14/05/2019 03:36

So... Branleuse
You would give people mouldy bread and unusable food items? Even animals don’t eat that. The Food bank gives to the unfortunate and gives the best.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 14/05/2019 03:59

God, people really need to learn how to highlight the OP's posts and at the very least read all of them!!

Shinyteeth - when I was retraining, and had very little money because I was back to being a student, I still paid for my osteopathic sessions every 2-3 weeks because I needed them to be able to function without pain. For me, they weren't a luxury, they were a necessity. I've had clients myself who have said the same - their massage treatments are not a luxury for them, they make a huge difference to their wellbeing, and thus are prioritised over some other things.

Massage isn't always about "pampering" (god I hate that word!!) but can make a difference to day-to-day functioning for some people. Wish others would realise that.

Catsinthecupboard · 14/05/2019 04:44

OP,

  1. It's never good to give poison food to anyone.
  2. 8.00 is expensive jam to throw away.
  3. They are angry bc you won't give them money.
  4. Good riddance to bad cf rubbish...not only food.
  5. It's nice to see how you've grown over this incident. I think you'll be more kind to others now. Not everyone grows up but you did. Here. Flowers
Lore0404 · 14/05/2019 05:40

Of course you are right in feeling upset and let down! I would not do that for anybody

TigerTooth · 14/05/2019 06:31
TigerTooth · 14/05/2019 06:35

12/05/2019 15:33 Branleuse

Did you want her to do a proper shop for you, or give you money??
I think it looks like she was trying to help, and see if there was anything there you could make use of.

My partners friend is on the dole, quite often says he doesnt eat. Sometimes i go through my cupboards and give him stuff we are not going to get through. Im not offended if he throws it away, and if hes offended by the thought of it not being good enough, then he shouldnt tell anyone how hungry he Is*

How disgusting
If somebody is hungry and you want to help - give them some edible food.
Op wasn’t starving - just a bit short - you help a friend, you don’t give them mouldy expired food that could make them ill.
And yes, I would buy a friend in need some fresh shopping, give cash if possible, that’s what friends do. You and ops friend make a good pair-disgusting attitude.

Sarell1967 · 14/05/2019 08:34

Talk first. As someone above said it nay of been in a bag a day or 2.
Were the out of date items, sell by or use by?
Also you never know she might be secretly struggling herself?
Im not condoning mouldy stuff for sure or any foods that could risk your health.

Talk, try not to accuse, if she is in a condescending place then just tell her that you hope life doesnt judge her for it but you sure as hell do and walk out.

Oh and then post a load of weeds through her letter box as a thankyou

federationrep · 14/05/2019 08:53

It sounds like you've outgrown your friends. It's economics at its simplest - opportunity cost, you budget & plan and make savings where you can (packed lunches) to afford the opportunity of something others see as unnecessary (massage). Some people would save it for a holiday, or shoes, or fags or piss it up the wall. You've realised that by budgeting you can make your life better and they have still (May never) realise that. I'd lend money to you if you needed it (something unexpected big bill essential) but I wouldn't lend to someone with too much month at the end of their money if they weren't doing anything about it themselves. Well done on getting yourself out of debt

manicmij · 14/05/2019 09:31

That was cruel. You accepting in good faith and thanking her for her 'considerate' gesture. Would just comnent next time you see her that hopefully she noticed the bag with the stuff she meant to bring to you had been muddled up with the one obviously meant for the bin but it was okay you put it in your bin, no priblem!

Devora13 · 14/05/2019 13:36

When friends have been struggling, I've done a shopping essentials for them, not emptied my bin in their house.

HappilyHarridan · 14/05/2019 14:03

She sounds like a tosser. You sound normal and quite thoughtful.

MummasTheWord · 14/05/2019 22:26

Front online page of Mirror www.mirror.co.uk/news/weird-news/mums-thoughtful-gift-pal-struggling-15826298

NewSchoolNewName · 15/05/2019 03:30

Looks like the Mirror writer didn’t RTFT, they’ve not mentioned the bit where OP confronted the friend and the friend admitted it was a “joke”

BlackCatSleeping · 15/05/2019 03:34

OMG, the Mirror writers really do lack reading comprehension skills. I guess they decided to embellish to make a better story.

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