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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

DD13 wants to dye her hair black

174 replies

sunnysunchild · 12/05/2019 13:10

She is pale and has light/medium brown hair with lovely golden bits. Its long and wavy/curly .
I say no she can't dye it, it's too permanent and will look terrible.. there is no way around this. Black is Black!!
She thinks I am being v unreasonable.

DH says it's up to her and if it looks terrible then it's her problem.

When I was her age I used mahogany Shaders/Toners lol remember them?

OP posts:

HBStowe · 12/05/2019 13:13

I’m generally of the view that teenagers should be allowed to experiment with their own hair. If you really think it will look terrible maybe try and talk her into a dark brown as a halfway house, but if she’s adamant about it console yourself that at least hair grows!

Branleuse · 12/05/2019 13:14

I think its her hair, and a pretty benign way to rebel

Karmin · 12/05/2019 13:16

So why not get some wash in and out stuff to try it? It doesn't have to be permanent dye...

ShaggyRug · 12/05/2019 13:16

www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-wales-41796586

Be careful and patch test if she does.

Duchessgummybuns · 12/05/2019 13:16

Afraid I went there when I was an awkward teenage goth... I think she should be allowed to experiment after all, her natural hair will grow back if she gets sick of it.

I’m with your DH, but maybe give her a hand if she wants to use a box dye so she doesn’t end up with a streaky mess (and you with a bathroom that looks like someone has been murdered in it)

PinkHeartLovesCake · 12/05/2019 13:16

We all done it as teenagers, played about with hair colour didn’t we? I know I did, was my hair at the end of the day. It’s part of being a teen surely

Let the kid have some fun.....

choccybiscuit · 12/05/2019 13:16

Just use a wash in first to see if she likes it, if she does get a semi permanent one so it fades out.

IAmTheChosenOne · 12/05/2019 13:16

Take her to the hairdressers to get a professional opinion.

Hecksonaplane · 12/05/2019 13:17

haha it's a phase they go through, my dd14 is currently sporting black hair.

I had the same reservations as you and had said no, but she's been blue, green and red sometimes at the same time!
She went to a friend's to dye it black and it pains me to say it looks good and she's managed to apply i t evenly although the second attempt at home she got it on the bath, wall and towel therefore there is no more home dying!

It's only hair, they're only young once and old enough to deal with the consequences. Good luck! Go learn that poker face haha

AnnaComnena · 12/05/2019 13:18

What about school? Will they mind?

I agree black will probably look awful on someone with her colouring. What is her plan if she hates it?

MissPollyHadADolly19 · 12/05/2019 13:18

You could compromise and tell her to try a dark brown dye (semi permenant) as black will make her look very washed out and she will look ill (been there and done it myself!)
If she is still insistent on going black after seeing herself with dark hair then let her crack on.

helpmum2003 · 12/05/2019 13:18

Could you delay it by saying yes when you turn 14 or something? Hopefully she'll change her mind by then.... Buy a cheap black wig so she can see what the colour will look like on her.

JustDanceAddict · 12/05/2019 13:19

I would check if school allow it as often they have restrictions on hair colour.
If she uses a semi/perm it will fade fairly quickly though . DD has coloured hers recently- she’s a bit older (sixth form) and has gorgeous hair naturally but if this is how she wants to rebel it’s better than taking drugs etc! Hopefully in a couple of years she’ll go back to natural again.

user1471546851 · 12/05/2019 13:20

Hairdresser here
Just let her do it!
One all over application is not hard to reverse if it looks awful.
She could always add some different shade highlights to it also

MulticolourMophead · 12/05/2019 13:20

Definitely get a patch test done first.

Yes it may look terrible, but it's her hair. DD knew I wouldn't be able to object, as both my DM and me had dyed our hair form around that age too.

So I taught her what to do. Including ensuring patch test.

randomncftw · 12/05/2019 13:20

It could looks lovely to be honest. Black hair and pale skin go hand in hand.

SoupDragon · 12/05/2019 13:21

I'd let her try a non permanent dye in the summer holidays.

Original poster

sunnysunchild · 12/05/2019 13:22

She says school won't care.. and they probably won't as shes currently sporting black nail varnish.. eek I would have been in so much trouble for that ar my school.

Seems times have changed....

OP posts:

PinkieTuscadero · 12/05/2019 13:22

I love to see teenage goths. They seem to have disappeared a lot on recent years.

Alarae · 12/05/2019 13:22

Eh, I did it at that age. Was a black that had blue in the light. Thought it looked rather cool at the time!

alwaysreadthelabel · 12/05/2019 13:23

Ah I went through this phase. I have similar colouring to your daughter, I looked awful. But it's kind of a lesson to her if it does. I then tried to get rid of it (long before days of colour remover etc...) and I ended up looking like a tiger as I had orange stripes.

I then got a Saturday job in a hairdressers who fixed it for me. So a result in the end!

NamelessGem · 12/05/2019 13:23

Just make her aware that constant dying black with home-dyes will mean she can never return to blonde without damaging her hair beyond repair.

So she might want to be black now, but when ice blonde hair is in fashion she won’t be able to do it.

Semi permanent is better than a permanent box dye

AtrociousCircumstance · 12/05/2019 13:24

Even if she had the most angelic, most beautiful hair in the whole world and people fell to their knees at the sight of such beauty...it’s still her hair and part of her body - it’s not yours, and she’s old enough.

Bobcut · 12/05/2019 13:26

I would let her but maybe semi perm 6 week one. Or say not black but really dark brown so more natural looking. I think now on wards is the age which can determine what u are easier going on what you are strict on I think you will have to start picking your battles to maintain a close relationship through the crazy teenage years

Original poster

sunnysunchild · 12/05/2019 13:27

13 is old enough? Wow
Do you have that attitude with tattoos and piercings and casual sex as well?!

OP posts:

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