DD13 wants to dye her hair black

[sunnysunchild]

She is pale and has light/medium brown hair with lovely golden bits. Its long and wavy/curly .
I say no she can't dye it, it's too permanent and will look terrible.. there is no way around this. Black is Black!!
She thinks I am being v unreasonable.

DH says it's up to her and if it looks terrible then it's her problem.

When I was her age I used mahogany Shaders/Toners lol remember them?

OP why do you feel you own your daughter's hair?

When my daughter was 14 she wanted to do this and I said no. As parents, part of our job is to protect our children from their own impulsive and dumb ideas. Sure enough, within a couple of months she wasn't interested in dying her hair anymore. She's 20 now and there have been several occasions when she's said how glad she is that I said no.

Yes let her do it as it will be fun and it will probably look really nice. There is a website on the internet that she can go on and you can upload a picture of her face and try on hairstyles and colours that would be worth a try. I have recently dyed my hair from bleached highlighted blonde hair to almost black and I love it. My hair is in so much better condition and shiny I suggest she uses Olia and the shade 4.0 Dark Brown it's brilliant no harmful ammonia...good luck

check with the school yourself OP. If schools fine Id let her. Better than rebelling with drugs n stuff.

OP why do you feel you own your daughter's hair?

Do you not give your children any boundaries?

Teenage me is rolling my eyes and huffing at you OP, her body her choice 🙄
BUT
The parent me (and the me that got lumped with box dye black hair for years) is ill at the thought of any other child destroying their hair the way I did!!

Pink, purple, blue or green would be better than BLACK! It’s so permanent!

I understand OP. You want to protect her from herself - I get it. If it looks hideous you're the one that's going to have to support her through it. If it was my daughter I think I would use delaying tactics like someone said earlier - maybe in a year's time. 13 is still very young.

Do you not give your children any boundaries?
Yes, that their bodies are their own. Not their mothers.

Do you not give your children any boundaries?

Yes, that their bodies are their own. Not their mothers.

So you let them do whatever they like? Really?

If you genuinely let a child do absolutely anything they want to their body "because it's theirs" then that is shit parenting IMO.

If you can't experiment with stupid hair colours as a teen before jobs and being a sensible adult stops you then you're not living. Like previous posters have said, at least it's her hair she wants to experiment with and not something more serious.

13 is old enough? Wow
Do you have that attitude with tattoos and piercings and casual sex as well?!

This makes no sense OP.

Of course 13 is ok for hair dye. There is no age restriction on hair dye.

Tattoos, piercings and sex however do have age restrictions.

What a weird comparison to make.

13

Nope. No way.

It’s far too young to start putting hair dye chemicals on their heads.

No debate on this one at all.

anybody that lets their child dye their hair is CLEARLY also allowing them tattoos and to go round having underage sex, because its exactly the same thing.

You either control EVERYTHING about your childs life or NOTHING. there is no inbetween.

I am very pale with light brown hair I dye it black. Have since I was in my teens. Let her use a semi permanent colour. My dd is 11 if she wanted to dye her hair I'd let her as long as it's in keeping with school policies on hair.

No, I'd make her wait a bit too. At least until the summer holidays when she has time to rectify it if she hates it. And yes to a non permanent one.

My youngest DS wanted his dyed when he was 14 but I persuaded him to think about it for a bit longer. He's now 17 and hasn't yet dyed his hair so clearly he's not that bothered.

Hair is a nice safe way to “rebel”. I would explain the long term issues with a dramatic hair dye. She can buy some black dye cheaply and color her hair, but when she decides she is wants a change, she is going to have root problems. She will either have to cut her hair very short or pay to have it color corrected which is incredibly expensive.

I would encourage her to try a rinse first. There is some risk it will stain her hair, but it’s a way to test how she feels about black hair. Get her some towels and pillowcases that can get destroyed though. If she loves it and wants the commitment, then she can go ahead and dye it.

Basically, treat this like an adult decision and point out to her that you are doing so. She needs to consider the long term consequences of what seems like a simple act. Hair is a nice safe way to practice this sort of thinking. (But don’t mention that to her)

@sunnysunchild - I would suggest a compromise - she uses a semi permanent dye, so if she hates it, it will fade before too long.

OP why do you feel you own your daughter's hair?

Such a ridiculous comment. Does it need pointing out to you that if it all goes wrong and DD absolutely hates how it turns out, then OP will be the one who has to fork out for it to be put right? As a PP pointed out, it cost her friend £200 to fix her DDs hair disaster with a black hair dye. It's got nothing to do with 'owning' her DDs hair.

I dyed my hair black when I was 14 and looked like Snow White (far removed from the Goth look I so desired). Ruined dm white towels but at that time I LOVED it!

I have very fine hair and ultimately, when I got bored of it, had to have the black stripped professionally at the hairdressers. Didn’t suffer any long term issues though but jet black hair can only be stripped out, unless you want to grow it out but Let your dd be aware that when her roots are growing out she will look bald, I did as my hair looked so much lighter against the black. She will have to maintain the roots.

Can you compromise with a dark brown dye?

My colouring sounds similar to your daughter's, but I have red as well as golden streaks naturally. I dyed my hair a lot from about that age until about 22, haven't dyed it since and I'm 35 in a few weeks. Incidents included an accidental pink stripe down the back (put dye in and clipped hair on top of my head while I had a bath -do not do this) , accidental black hair (I looked like an ill goth) which would not wash out resulting eventually in an undercut bob to cut it out, and I have very thick naturally curly hair, it was not a good look. I learned that people pay to have their hair highlighted like mine and I needed to stop messing about with it until I have grey to cover! Something my mother told me repeatedly as a teen....

It's a phase, could you go with her somewhere she can try on a black wig? She might realise it will make her look really pale and a bit unwell

Let her do it. I dyed my hair dark purple almost black at that age with my mums permission. To be fair I suit black hair but I didn’t know that before I dyed it. It’s just hair. It will grow out.

Not to hijack the thread but does anyone have any recommendations for a good medium brown box dye that isn't going to end up with a reddy tint? The past few I've tried have ended up looking awful under certain lighting

My blonde daughter did this. As it grew out she looked like a badger and people teased her. When she promised to not do it again we took her to the hairdresser who stripped it and managed to dye it tones of browns. This took 8 hours and cost 150. If you like I can ask my daughter to share a picture of the awful growing out stage to scare yours off. Pale roots on black hair look utterly ridiculous. Black dye stains whatever the packet says.

I totally second the above poster that warns that you look bald as it grows out. Brown dye is far safer as it will fade.