DD13 wants to dye her hair black

[sunnysunchild]

She is pale and has light/medium brown hair with lovely golden bits. Its long and wavy/curly .
I say no she can't dye it, it's too permanent and will look terrible.. there is no way around this. Black is Black!!
She thinks I am being v unreasonable.

DH says it's up to her and if it looks terrible then it's her problem.

When I was her age I used mahogany Shaders/Toners lol remember them?

@choli she does not think she owns her daughter's hair. What a 'yawn' comment. She wants to give her daughter advice. And will have to deal with the tears when it looks hideous. Yawn to your comment

@Fizzysours

My blonde daughter did this. As it grew out she looked like a badger and people teased her. When she promised to not do it again we took her to the hairdresser who stripped it and managed to dye it tones of browns. This took 8 hours and cost 150. If you like I can ask my daughter to share a picture of the awful growing out stage to scare yours off. Pale roots on black hair look utterly ridiculous. Black dye stains whatever the packet says.

OMG, this is exactly what happened to my friend's daughter.

If you read my post from 15.02 (top of page 5,) the story is almost identical.

Definitely a bad idea for a teen to dye hair black.

I am the only person on this thread that things 13 is way too young to dye her hair???

We have a minimum age at our salon of 16, and with parental permission they will consider 15.

She is too young to make good decisions

About her hair. My dd would go for a rainbow hair if she could

Exactly. My daughter was 17 and was too young to have decided on black...because it was so irreversible...and she really was upset. It's not like wash in wash out pink fun stuff (which both my blondies had loads of fun with)

I am the only person on this thread that things 13 is way too young to dye her hair???

No. Lots of other people have said that too.

We have a minimum age at our salon of 16, and with parental permission they will consider 15.

This is a business decision based on many factors.

She is too young to make good decisions

But she doesn't have to make a good decision, it's only her hair. It's really not permanent.

If she wants to rebel buy her some hair chalk

Goths gonna goth.

coffee it’s not just hair, it contains very strong chemicals that require careful handling. It is not something she can do alone, and a salon won’t touch her. A thirteen year old may not fully understand the consequences of a permanent disastrous hair experience and could be bullied or embarrassed every day.

If your dd was mine op I think I would want to know why she wants to change herself so much. I would reinforce her strengths inside and out, and consider making permanent hair dye something she does with driving lessons, voting etc.

it’s not just hair,

It really is.

it contains very strong chemicals that require careful handling. It is not something she can do alone, and a salon won’t touch her.

But there is an in between where an adult can help?

A thirteen year old may not fully understand the consequences of a permanent disastrous hair experience and could be bullied or embarrassed every day.

I would be really concerned if my 13yo couldn't understand this.

coffee we are just very different parents coffee. At thirteen she is still just a child. 15/16 it would be a non issue. I don’t think it is controlling to guide our children to make good decisions, and to have boundaries in place.
Why is the 13 year old not encouraged to embrace and love herself exactly as she is? Surely we have a duty to teach self love and acceptance before teaching her anything else.

Yep my friend (and her daughter) were utterly gobsmacked at how hard black was to get out. It was flagged up as a 'temporary dye' that washes out in approx 16 washes. So maybe 5-6 weeks with an average of 2 to 3 hair washes a week.

However, although around 20% of the dye washed out within about 3 to 5 washes; the other 80% wouldn't budge at ALL. It made the girl look like a badger yes, and her hair was all patchy. It looked awful. She washed and dried her hair around 15 times over 3 days, and the remaining 80% stayed put. Upshot is, it was pretty permanent.

And as has been said, black dye looks SHIT when it's coming out. It literally only looked OK on my friend's daughter for a week or two, then it started to look messy and patchy. As a pp said, blonde/light roots on (dyed) black hair looks awful. Almost farcical actually, and yeah, people at school laughed at her, and mocked her...

Never ever, ever go for black. As with my friend's daughter, (and girls that other posters know,) it could cost potentially £150 to £200 to put right.

@Springwalk I think tattoos and piercings are much worse than dying your hair, as that is rectified fairly easily (usually,) and isn't 100% permanent, whereas tattoos and piercings are... However, you do make some valid points.

I did a quick google search, and it seems hair dyes and bleaches are not recommended for under 16s. There are warnings on loads of websites!

www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-wales-41796586

My friend's daughter was about 3 months from being 16 (So it wasn't THAT far under 16.) But 13. It has to be a 'no' surely???

But yeah, you do have a point!!!

mabel It is not really about what is worse though is it? It is not a race to the bottom. I would be concerned if I were op that it is some kind of self sabotage, almost an act of self harm. What is happening inside to make her want to make such drastic changes? My first thoughts would be is she being bullied? Is she feeling low? It is pretty drastic at 13 to want to dye your hair.

Yes we have all been teens, and wanted to experiment etc, but 13 is very young.

I would want to know why. That is all I am saying

Not sure it's DRASTIC...it's just kinda FUN isn't it? Just...black is a nightmare. Just NOT BLACK!!

At thirteen she is still just a child.

Not saying otherwise. I just don't see what's wrong with a 13yo dying their hair. It doesn't make them any less of a child. Hair dye doesn't propel them into adulthood.

15/16 it would be a non issue. I don’t think it is controlling to guide our children to make good decisions, and to have boundaries in place.

I don't think it's controlling to guide children to make good decisions either. I just don't think hair dye is a particularly bad decision.

Why is the 13 year old not encouraged to embrace and love herself exactly as she is?

But it's ok at 15/16? Do they not need to love themselves?

Surely we have a duty to teach self love and acceptance before teaching her anything else.

Of course we do. But dying your hair when you are a teen isn't usually about self love and acceptance, it's more about experimentation and experiences.

I would be concerned if I were op that it is some kind of self sabotage, almost an act of self harm. What is happening inside to make her want to make such drastic changes?

Self harm

Only on Mumsnet.

Don't go the semi permanent route with fair hair.

Me and DD shared a box of a semi permanent dark red, she is dark and it washed out really quickly. I am fair and it stayed, only slightly fading until I grew it out.

I was exactly the same with my black semi permanent as a teenager and soon had blonde roots. I continued for a while until I got bored of it and then did a terrible bleach job on myself which turned it a patchy ginger and blonde.

DD frequently dyes her hair wild and wacky colours these days, but she has short hair which grows quickly. The blues and pinks and purples all seem to wash out quickly from her bleached hair.

I'm on the fence about letting her do it at 14, probably ideal if she would wait a year or 2.

And, yes, supervise in the bathroom. I have a purple splodge on my lino which will never wash out. The sink and shower all come up with a bit of scrubbing and towels have all washed too.

Can she download an app which will show her different colours and styles on her face?

A teen wanting to dye her hair equates to wanting to self harm now?

What the fuck are you on?

@Springwalk

I think saying a girl wanting to dye her hair at 13 is 'self harming' is a bit OTT!

Although, as I said, there are warnings about under 16 using hair dye.

Castings colours are good and only semi permanent

I did, I survived. It's only hair and has been many many different colours since. I did even consult my parents about it, just came home one day with black hair.

*didnt

I think 13 is too young for hair dye. Just shader / toners should be fine to experiment with.

I didn’t say dying hair is self harming. Please don’t take my post out of context. I am not sure why at 13 she even cares especially about the colour of her hair. Why choose black? I don’t know ops dd to know whether there are underlying issues.
If my dd suddenly wanted to dye her hair black I’d be worried, it is a vulnerable age. Girls tend to have far more confidence as they get older.

Dying hair etc does propel them into a more adult world. I don’t think there is any need to rush into it. It can look very cheap on very young girls too. Why do it?

Self love and acceptance should be taught as young as possible coffee if they haven’t got the general gist of it by 15/16 then something has gone wrong!

Self love and acceptance should be taught as young as possible coffee if they haven’t got the general gist of it by 15/16 then something has gone wrong!

Of course. I just don’t see the connection between self love and acceptance and dying your hair at 13.