DD13 wants to dye her hair black

[sunnysunchild]

She is pale and has light/medium brown hair with lovely golden bits. Its long and wavy/curly .
I say no she can't dye it, it's too permanent and will look terrible.. there is no way around this. Black is Black!!
She thinks I am being v unreasonable.

DH says it's up to her and if it looks terrible then it's her problem.

When I was her age I used mahogany Shaders/Toners lol remember them?

One of mine was Emo at that age (what are they called now?) She had straight dyed black and red hair it is a stage it really wouldn't bother me if you get a box dye it will be out in 4 weeks.

Let her crack on OP!

I was a punk when I was 13(and I was one of the only one's where I lived at that time)and I was a Goth when I was 15 for a couple of years.

My Dad hated it but my Mum loved it and encouraged me to find my own style and loved that I used fashion and the way I looked to reflect who I was as a person.

It never did me any harm,infact it was really good for me mentally and emotionally.

It's only hair and if she hates it you can pop into boots and buy some colour B4,I used it to remove black hair dye when I wanted to change my colour again and it works really well.

I'm sure she will love you even more for allowing her to experiment with her look,I know it made mine and my Dmum's relationship closer after she defended my look for me.

Yeah sure. I'd sugest a semi perm one too 'because when the black starts growing out it will look weird and you wont be able to dye over it'.
Pft, It's really none of the schools business what colour she wants her hair to be anyway either, even if she wanted to go neon pink xD

'how far you take it with the her body, her hair, her life attitude'

You apply age appropriate boundaries:

Hairstyle/colour - yes
Piercings - maybe, depends on what and where
Tattoos - no

It's not that hard. Glad your dh has some sense.

I don't think I would allow black because it's an absolute nightmare to get out of your hair.

Let her , but do a patch test.

I dyed my hair black as a teen. I also gave my myself blonde streaks with this powder peroxide stuff...not sure that I'd be okay with my teenage dd doing that but I'd be okay with the black box dye.

I did Shades at a young age at that age I think, although wasn't allowed to wear make up or shave my legs for ages. My school was quite strict on make up etc. It set me up for years of dying my hair, I've been black and red, semi permanent and permanen. Last did it in my late 20s and now at nearly 39, I cannot be arsed. I've noticed girls are into it much earlier these days, wanting hair straightened etc. DSD11 did her hair some sort of plum/red colour last year and you can still see it at the ends, school didnt blink apparently. Girl in my DS12's class was getting it lightened in year 6 and last time I was at the hairdressers, a girl i vaguely know who is 12 had just had it permed. This was with full permission of her mum but hairdresser had been reluctant and cautious because same girl had had bleach on it not long ago! I do not envy being the mother of a preteen/teen daughter!

It will take a heck of a time to grow out and won't look too good whilst it's happening. And if she has to keep colouring I would go for professional advice.

I would also double-check re school rather than take her word for it. Most schools are quite strict about hair these days.

But I'm afraid I would say No at 13. A less drastic color perhaps. But not black.

It could looks lovely to be honest. Black hair and pale skin go hand in hand.

Only, IMO, with strong eye colour. Brown or bright blue/green.

OP I would let her try a semi permanent box colour. When I was her age I put a red box colour on my naturally dark brown hair. I thought it looked great until another girl said “what did you dye your hair for?”

My sister did this when she was about 15. She had glorious blond hair (with blond eyebrows and freckly fair skin) that she dyed black. It looked like a wig! My mum nearly had a heart attack when she saw it.

At 13 she is able to decide something that may look awful but is reversible.

I remember my mum being really runny about my hair. Once I was 16, I cut it all off and dyed it all sorts of colours and had many disasters.

Its hair at the end of the day it can be undone. I have had black hair and a hairdresser can lighten it. Changing the colour completely may take a few visits. But taking the harshness out of it wont.

I never allowed piercings well apart from ears before 18 and by the time she was 16 she never bothered tattoos when they are adults they can do what they like really.

Having been possibly every colour under the sun, and am currently sporting bright pink hair, I'd say let her go for it! Just check with school if it's ok and do a patch test. It may surprise you and look really good.

I am another one that says let her do it. As long as she does a patch test it is a perfectly safe way to experiment and rebel (unlike tattoos, piercings and casual underage sex all of which can have have a life long impact).

I would also double check with her HOY about the schools attitude to hair dye. My DC often told me that the school would be fine with things when it just wasn’t true. Luckily I socialised with one of the SMT who put me straight! If it will be a problem at school she can do it at the start of the summer holidays.

My DD has lovely long blonde hair and wanted to dye it brown, also 13. I said I didn't think it was a good idea but she could do it if she wanted.

She did and it turned gingery brown and she hated it. Tried to get it sorted at a hairdresser but they wouldn't help as she is under 16. We have managed to get it lighter ginger with hair dye removal products but wish she had never tried. If anyone knows how to get it back to blonde would be grateful. We have tried a blonde dye, just got lighter ginger and silver shampoo, just brighter ginger. Washing up liquid has removed a bit but never again.

I think there are regulations about piercing and tattoos?
She is probably gillick competent and may get contraceptive or other medical advice, treatment,surgery, sign consent for these. Unlawful to have sex before 16 but many do, not advisable.

Our school are OK with dyed hair as long as its a colour hair could be naturally but check.

Op you must know you've just made your self sound like a right Twat with that post!

Come on what the hell does changing the colour of your hair have to do with piercings,tattoos and casual sex!?

You asked for people's opinions and then you pull that crap!

I dyed my DS's hair when they wanted to change the colour of they're hair,none of them were under age when they first had sex and neither were the girls they were sleeping with,they were all over 17(one was 18,one was 19)none of them have tattoos and they're 22,20 and 17,only 2 of them have piercings and they were well over 16 when they had those done.

My DMum allowed me to dye my hair from 13 years old,I'm 43 now and I have no tattoos and never will have any and the only piercings I have are my ears and No I didn't sleep around as a young child or as an adult!

If that's your bloody attitude then I feel sorry for your DD!

I've been dying my hair since I was 12, and have had it every colour going. If she wants to experiment with black I would suggest a semi permanent dye first in case she hates it.

I get that she's pale, but I'm guessing from the black nail polish the ghostly pale look is actually what she's going for. I'm naturally strawberry blonde and milky white, black hair looked bloody awesome on me with a bit of eyeliner.

My DD is nearly 17yo, she wanted to dye her brown hair black. I thought she'd look dug up.
She compromised on a Semi P dark brown (no red in it) rather than the black, she needs 3 boxes for her length . It does look good and shiney and she admits that black woud've been a mistake ( she has olivey skin and brown eyes so she could carry it off I think ) . Upkeep is fine , the root difference is minimal. Ir oes wash out to a degree . If it was nasty she would've done the Vitamin C + dandruff shampoo treatment .

Mine had her piercing phase before the hair ( helix, tragus, lobes, belly button) .

YY to patch test and strand test to see the finished result. And if it goes tits up, she pays to have it corrected .

I would say no to this, she’s still too young.

But maybe I’m in the minority. My Sil spends a fortune having her 13 year olds eyebrows dyed and waxed. They are far too dark and they don’t have much money. No way would I do this!! If she’s really adamant she has to save up to buy it and has to clear up the bathroom after herself rather than dye the entire sink black.

Let me add my experience in of this.

DD who is v light redhead/auburn wanted to be dark. So we did it. She's far too pale for it but to be honest it wasn't bad actually. That wasn't the problem though because, of course, within a year she then wanted to be blonde.

So we went blonde. Now that takes an awful lot of maintenance, cost (kinda had to be done at the hairdressers), many wrong turns with hairdressers who didn't really understand colour and she had her hair turned green three times and her hair was in dreadful condition.

Then she wanted pink. I had no problem with this as it's non-damaging, can be done at home, not expensive.

In amongst all this, after the blonde she went to a bob (which looked gorgeous on her) and now she wants to go back to long hair!

All I'm saying is, dark colours take professional efforts to remove when she (inevitably) realises she doesn't like it any more and simply must change it - again. And that this may repeat over and over.

If you've plenty of cash to splash, great, if not, it will drain your finances trying to keep up with every whim and change of mind. Added to which, a teenager box dying at home is like letting a toddler loose with a permanent marker - it gives me the willies.

Think v carefully because it's not just this colour, it's the next 3 or 4 changes after that that you need to think about.

Buy her a semi permanent and do a patch test first, then help her apply it so the colour is even. Better that she do it with supervision safely than just run out to Superdrug one day while you're out and apply it without doing the test.

Just out of curiosity are her ears pierced? Because I think that's far 'worse' than letting her dye her hair. No way I'd let a kid do that to their ears until they are at least 15. But hairdye? Heck I'd let them do that at 11.

Well, until the bit where you equated experimentation with hair color with piercings, tattoos and underage sex, I was kinda sympathizing but I agree with a pp that at 13 she is indeed old enough to have some autonomy over her appearance and I think her hair falls within those boundaries.

I’d suggest she waits until the summer holidays and try a wash in wash out darker than her own shade before going all the way to black. It sounds like it’s the same colour as mine, and so there will be red in that light brown/golden mix even if it’s not obvious, just tell her to be careful with cheap black dyes in case it turns some bits greenish. Not that I’m speaking from bitter experience at all.