Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to tell these women to buzz off

239 replies

Brodiebirdy · 11/05/2019 21:24

My partner (who I’ve been with for just under a year, but have known through work for quite a few years) is part of a group on Facebook/Twitter/instagram where they all have the same type of Labrador cross dog. Quite a few of them have dogs from the same litter- he has known these women longer than he has known me. They have meet-ups where they walk the dogs together- these are often hours away from where we live as they are all spread out across the uk. They are having one next month that my partner had taken the day off work to go to. However I have a medical appointment on the same day that my partner wants to come with me (I have a chronic health condition and am slightly hard of hearing so he wants to be there for support) so he has told the group that he can’t go. They are really upset that he’s not going and are saying that I’m taking him away from his friends and that they’re all travelling for hours (one woman is driving for 10 and a half hours for this walk) and that I could easily change an appointment. They feel that I’m jealous of the bond that they all have and that I’m splitting up their ‘family’ with the dogs. I am absolutely stunned by their reaction and think it is really odd. AIBU or should I encourage him to go? I’m really confused by all of this

OP posts:
Original poster
Brodiebirdy · 12/05/2019 17:25

@FoxSquadKitten the dog turns two in November- I think they're life expectancy is about 14 so I've still got a fair while to go!

OP posts:
FoxSquadKitten · 12/05/2019 17:28

the dog turns two in November
Oh no 🤦‍♀️ I was hoping it would be a lot older 😧

wildcherries · 12/05/2019 17:29

Brodiebirdy
@wildcherries he said he'd speak to them, but I'll believe that when I see it tbh

Yeah. I get that. Hope he does, though. This is nuts. Sorry that she was so rude to you. Again.

JenMumma · 12/05/2019 17:39

That's Ruff

VampirateQueen · 12/05/2019 17:46

Omg how old are this group 12? He easy friend first wah wah. Tell them to grow up. Your appointment trumps their dog walk. I mean my god, if they just said ok won t be the same without you, but see you next time, he will at least be there next time, alienating you, males it more likely that he won't go again, either through his choice or because you actually tell him not to meet up with these awful women.
Why can't people like this see that if they were nice to you, you wouldn't have a problem, but by being nasty and bitchy you will end up doing what it is they don't want you to do. 🤦‍♀️

madeyemoodysmum · 12/05/2019 18:12

Read your update. What a freak show. I’d be seriously pissed off after that phone call!!

Matildalamp · 12/05/2019 18:13

@reddogsbeg
I'm struggling to get past the dog being driven for 10 hours to go for a walk?????

This made me snort, I’m struggling to get past this too Hmm

Myimaginarycathasfleas · 12/05/2019 18:25

He spends a lot of time talking to them on the Internet?

OP, you have a DP problem...

Redwalk · 12/05/2019 18:28

He needs to tell them that it is not OK for them to make these types of comments about his partner.

Kisskiss · 12/05/2019 18:42

@brodiebirdy read your update about the conversation with the dog-woman, she sounds totally mental and way territorial with this whole thing... it’s bordering on pathetic- maybe this is the highlight of her year..
‘The dogs really look forward to it’. Talk about peak anthropomorphising your dog 😬😂 I love my dog and she’s my fur baby but this is totally bonkers..

YourHandInMyHand · 12/05/2019 18:46

They sound bloody weird!! I'm a dog person but they all sound massively over invested and very territorial of your DP.

GabsAlot · 12/05/2019 19:02

she phoned up to have a go at u?

thats when your dp should have taken the phone and told her to bog off in no uncertain terms theyre being ridiculous

CripsSandwiches · 12/05/2019 19:20

DP should be handling this. If I had a group of friends behaving like this I'd have told them to F right off and leave my partner alone.

LumpyPillow · 12/05/2019 20:02

How much time is he spending talking to them? Is it every day?

Are they just non stop sending each other pics of their same dogs? And chatting about their dogs or is it life chat, or both?

To speak to you and about you in ANY of the ways and for the reasons you have described, is unacceptable and absolutely bonkers. They sound like really sad bitches, to be honest. Why does your partner want to continue even speaking to women who speak ill of you and who hang up the phone on you?

Is your partner as weird as them? I am serious, is he a bit of a wet weirdo? I am guessing as others have said he must value this dynamic far too much if he's just ok about saying nothing to them. And if he says he wants to keep it up for the dogs.... They will all be fine. This interaction is clearly deep down a human led/necessity, its not really about the dogs, even if they tell themselves that.

comedycentral · 12/05/2019 20:12

I can't believe she rang you. How odd. He needs to stand up for you. What sort of a partner is he?

BumbleBeee69 · 12/05/2019 20:35

OP this entire situation makes me feel very uncomfortable and I don't even know you your DP or these nutters. What I am picking up though is that your DP is talking about you to these woman. He has opened that door and they now feel they are entitled to have a say in your relationship, HE did that OP, nobody else did it HE did it.

I would not stay in a relationship with a man that undermined me and allowed these people to teat me so badly. I feel for you Lady Flowers

MulticolourMophead · 12/05/2019 20:53

The appointment isn’t actually for my hearing- it’s for my kidneys which makes me more anxious

Your important medical appointment trumps any dog walk, no matter how much they've taken to arrange.

But really, the phone call is now a moment for your relationship. Your DP has to make it clear it was unacceptable. Because otherwise he's condoning the behaviour which will inevitably spell the death knell for your relationship for not putting you first (and remember, he chose to attend your appointment over walking the dog) and for letting these obsessive women think they trump you.

Willow2017 · 12/05/2019 21:04

Your dp must make it crystal clear to this woman.and the whole group that you are his partner and that trumps them every time. He is not going to leave you alone at an important medical appointment for anyine. Then he tells her never to call you and try to guilt trip you again. And finally tell them all to ftfo and end this ridiculous situation.

How old are they 6?? "He was my friend first waa waa waa" its embarrassing. And he needs to see he is enabling it.

If he doesn't then tell him to ftfo too he is not worth it. You deserve better.

BumbleBeee69 · 12/05/2019 21:35

I agree.. you shouldn't have to fight to be recognised in your own relationship ... this man is not worth this hassle Flowers

MRex · 12/05/2019 21:52

What a bloody nerve! How dare she be so rude! What has your DP done this evening?

PixieN · 12/05/2019 21:56

‘I doubt the dogs are sitting there thinking, "goodness I haven't caught up with ds for a while, I hope they are okay. I can't wait to tell them out a new stick I've found"

😂😂😂

Completely bonkers behaviour! Your DP needs to drop this weird group.

PurpleCrazyHorse · 12/05/2019 22:05

After the phone call I would expect DP to no longer have anything to do with them, that definitely over stepped the mark.

I can kind of understand a bit of disappointment if people have booked to stay overnight, made lots of other arrangements to meet up etc etc but sometimes something crops up that means things don't quite go to plan. Yes it's disappointing, no you don't phone up the person and guilt trip them. Presumably the rest of them are still going so they'll have a nice time. It really doesn't have to be all or nothing, although you can't argue with crazy.

I am however concerned your DP is a wet lettuce and will simply give them an excuse, blaming you, increasing their resentment. I would want to him to be telling them that he's made the decision, it's nothing to do with you and he won't have them ringing his home being rude to you.

ReanimatedSGB · 12/05/2019 22:15

I honestly don't get this idea that anyone's friends have to fawn over their latest shag, particularly if that person is uninterested in whatever the shared hobby is. OP's DP has willingly and immediately agreed to miss out on his hobby group meetup to accompany her to her medical appointment, he shouldn't have to disown his friends for being a bit put out over it.
In general, people who object to a partner's pre-existing friends and demand the friends 'respect the relationship' are likely to be controlling or at least clingy, and maybe that's as unhealthy, if not more so, than being part of a group who like boring on about their dogs.

Original poster
Brodiebirdy · 12/05/2019 22:16

@MRex I’ve had quite a go at him this evening and told him that these are married women constantly pawing for his attention. I’ve basically told him he needs to pick them or me and that I can’t believe he lets these women say horrible things about me and that it’s weird. After I calmed down a bit he told me that I would always come first and then started kissing me in the hope that I would drop it- so he is sleeping in the spare room tonight

OP posts:
BumbleBeee69 · 12/05/2019 22:18

OP's DP has willingly and immediately agreed to miss out on his hobby group meetup to accompany her to her medical appointment, he shouldn't have to disown his friends for being a bit put out over it.

This is not what happened.

Swipe left for the next trending thread