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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to tell these women to buzz off

239 replies

Brodiebirdy · 11/05/2019 21:24

My partner (who I’ve been with for just under a year, but have known through work for quite a few years) is part of a group on Facebook/Twitter/instagram where they all have the same type of Labrador cross dog. Quite a few of them have dogs from the same litter- he has known these women longer than he has known me. They have meet-ups where they walk the dogs together- these are often hours away from where we live as they are all spread out across the uk. They are having one next month that my partner had taken the day off work to go to. However I have a medical appointment on the same day that my partner wants to come with me (I have a chronic health condition and am slightly hard of hearing so he wants to be there for support) so he has told the group that he can’t go. They are really upset that he’s not going and are saying that I’m taking him away from his friends and that they’re all travelling for hours (one woman is driving for 10 and a half hours for this walk) and that I could easily change an appointment. They feel that I’m jealous of the bond that they all have and that I’m splitting up their ‘family’ with the dogs. I am absolutely stunned by their reaction and think it is really odd. AIBU or should I encourage him to go? I’m really confused by all of this

OP posts:
Myimaginarycathasfleas · 12/05/2019 07:40

They absolutely idolise the breeder- they feel she’s a ‘phenomenal’ woman

I've heard it all now. A dog cult.

Blueeyesdarkhair · 12/05/2019 07:45

It’s flipping bizarre behaviour from this group of women.
I’ve see this kind of ‘fan club’ behaviour from a group of women with 1 man before. All the women were literally fawning all over him, despite having partners themselves, and became intolerably jealous when the bloke got a girlfriend. It’s absolutely inexplicable, I would be asking him again to distance himself due to their comments.

Willow2017 · 12/05/2019 08:58

He says it’s best to avoid confrontation and that his dog loves to see the other dogs so he doesn’t want to cause an argument

He needs to.griw a pair.
They are slagging off his dw and he doesnt want to upset them?
Wtf is wrong with him. You are more important than they are.

And as for upsetting his bloody dog!!! His dog would get just as much fun meeting up with random dogs in the local park. Its not like his dog had the event in its personal calender it doesn't have a clue what's happening in a week/months time it doesn't care either.

Tell him to tell these bitches to go to hell his wife is more important than they are. If he doesn't his priorities are all wrong.

MRex · 12/05/2019 09:50

If they're traveling so far that they're staying a couple of nights then there's surely no reason why he can't meet them the day before, the day after or the evening of your appointment day. If he really wanted to.

I don't know what I'd say if I found out DH was allowing someone to be nasty about me without saying a word. I'd be shocked frankly, he's supposed to be in my corner even when I'm wrong and vice versa. It's not necessary to have an argument, just e.g. "I know you're disappointed, but be nice about my DW, this is an important appointment so I want to go with her."

TheMaddHugger · 12/05/2019 10:48

TuftyBum

To want to tell these women to buzz off
NauseousMum · 12/05/2019 11:36

The moaning and whinging women can't have much in their lives if they need to focus on this, on someone cancelling and supporting his partner. In any normal situation they'd be disappointment even a bit gutted but to start slagging off and getting so angry.?

Obsessive. Pathetic and immature too.

Not the dog walking, that's not abnormal- going even long distances to catch up. What is abnormal is how possessive they are behaving. Is it like this when anyone else cancels or just him?

Yes you have a dp issue. I wouldnt have anyone bitching about my dp. It sounds like he likes the attention, maybe agrees with them.

And yep it's annoying when you make big group plans but suddenly someone cant make the date but guess what you do...you dont change the date, you all suck it up, be disappointed and get on with still meeting up with the others. Why? Because statistically a) it could be you cancelling some time so dont give grief if you don't want to receive and b) it tends to happen at the majority of meet ups. I see friends once a year and last time one cancelled due to similar. Was i gutted? Yes, so were the others and was she. We all met up, had fun and have booked in the next date, hopefully with all.

SavingSpaces2019 · 12/05/2019 14:51

Quite a few of them have dogs from the same litter- he has known these women longer than he has known me
I have a cat-family. my mom-cat had two litters - they all live with various friends.

We use fb/sm to enjoy our 'bond'.
Cat reunions and meetups are not necessary - the animals don't know and don't give a shit.

These women are nuts!
Your dh has, quite rightly, decided that your hospital appointment is more important to him than a dog walk/meetup.
The others can still have this reunion with each other.
Their reaction is so OTT, especially seeing as your dh is pretty much a stranger to them.

Your dh needs to stop being their bitch and find his balls.
It wasn't acceptable that they slagged you off previously and it definitely isn't now.

TheFastandCurious · 12/05/2019 15:00

I’d have a massive problem with my DH if he wanted to carry on meeting friends that had made rude comments about me and been rude to me in my own home.

SavageBeauty73 · 12/05/2019 15:19

Seriously weird!!!

Original poster
Brodiebirdy · 12/05/2019 15:35

Today has been really difficult! The woman that I’ve met phoned today- I answered and she said that they are all so upset and that I don’t understand how important to them
this is- she says that the dogs absolutely do recognise each other at meet-ups and that they are family. She also made a point that they have known my partner longer than I have. I apologised to her and told her that I understood that my partner has known them longer than I have- however I have actually done nothing wrong and that he is now my partner and that sometimes has to come before meet-ups. She put the phone down on me (after muttering something under her breath)

OP posts:
Original poster
Brodiebirdy · 12/05/2019 15:43

I have also told my partner that I am uncomfortable with him not standing up for me when they say rude things and also I'm not comfortable with him spending a lot of time talking to them on the internet

OP posts:
NauseousMum · 12/05/2019 16:04

She's fucking rude. If i was your dp she'd get a mouthful from me and I'd cool off on the obsession meeting.

What did your partner say? Is he going to tell her she's out of order? Or is he going to allow them to be so rude to you?

NauseousMum · 12/05/2019 16:06

Next time don't apologise either. You have nothing to spologise for. A frosty 'please don't call here again, call his mobile.'

FoxSquadKitten · 12/05/2019 16:07

She also made a point that they have known my partner longer than I have

So what? He is YOUR partner, I think that trumps 'dog-walking associate' 🙄 She sounds deranged. I think your Dp needs to start distancing himself from these loons women.

dreichuplands · 12/05/2019 16:13

How long they have known him compared to you is irrelevant. I have known some people since childhood that doesn't mean I am more important than their partners.
I wouldn't get too involved with how much time he spends online with them, I would focus on insisting that he doesn't allow them to be disrespectful without challenging them.

PuppyMonkey · 12/05/2019 16:16

What did your DH say when you told him that OP?

PuppyMonkey · 12/05/2019 16:16

DP I mean.

SecretMillionaire · 12/05/2019 16:19

Good grief I’ve heard the I’ve known him longer than you line before and it doesn’t end well if your partner is not supportive. I hope that your partner will contact this woman and explain that her behaviour is inappropriate and reiterate you have done nothing wrong and he is perfect capable of deciding what acts as priority in his life.

SunshineCake · 12/05/2019 16:42

They totally see him as theirs and have no respect for your relationship.

Mintandthyme · 12/05/2019 16:50

I have also told my partner that I am uncomfortable with him not standing up for me when they say rude things and also I'm not comfortable with him spending a lot of time talking to them on the internet

And what did he say ?

MoveOnTheCards · 12/05/2019 16:52

Blimey. They’re weird.

After that call, if my partner didn’t bin them off I’d be binning him off.

wildcherries · 12/05/2019 17:06

Yes, what did DP say?

Nanny0gg · 12/05/2019 17:15

Bloody nerve of the woman.

He needs to tell them what for and block.

I'm sure his doggy can make some new friends.

Original poster
Brodiebirdy · 12/05/2019 17:22

@wildcherries he said he'd speak to them, but I'll believe that when I see it tbh

OP posts:
FoxSquadKitten · 12/05/2019 17:23

How old is the dog, OP? ie how long have you got to put up with this nonsense?