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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think husband could be a bit more husbandly?

488 replies

ilovemycatmorethanyou · 11/05/2019 15:45

This is a little lighthearted so please don’t let’s go all LTB 😂

Name changed as it could be a bit outing.

DH and I went out last night for a meal and drinks with friends, we don’t go out very often, maybe once a month.

When we arrived he bought me a drink and we sat down at the table. We weren’t in a round with anyone and the other girls husbands were going up to the bar to buy their drinks. My glass had been empty for a while so I got up to buy myself a drink, asked if he wanted one but he didn’t.

We have independent finances, always have had.

AIBU to wonder why I’m the only female getting up to buy her own drink? I felt a bit peeved by it.

Am I being a princess?

OP posts:

Geminijes · 11/05/2019 17:00

Women want equal rights to men yet many women expect their partner to go to the bar for them.
Sounds as if women want equal rights only when it suits them, at other times they want preferential rights. Strange!

Op, you're just as capable of ordering a drink as your partner, so why he should he get you a drink?

I'm short and petite but have no problem in going to the bar. I find any men at the bar will move to allow me to get the front and be served first.

EdWinchester · 11/05/2019 17:02

I never go to the bar, that’s dh’s department. I must associate only with fellow princesses, as this is the case with all our friends too.

I’m happy to pay & I hand over my card, but don’t ask me to actually get up 🤷‍♀️

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 11/05/2019 17:03

Geminijies, by that token, why should the men move for you to allow you to be served first?

millythepink · 11/05/2019 17:04

When we're out with friends it's always the men who go to the bar. Men need to know their place.

newjobnerves · 11/05/2019 17:04

I think this is a case of wanting things both ways, independent finances and him to buy all the drinks? Admittedly my DH is the one to go and get the drinks, but we pool our money.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 11/05/2019 17:04

Oh and your opinion only really matters if I ask your partner to go to the bar for me...

Splodgetastic · 11/05/2019 17:06

I’m with you on this one OP. Even if you have more money, who wants to get in a scrum at the bar? Much easier for a man with a big voice and who is probably a bit taller.

Original poster

ilovemycatmorethanyou · 11/05/2019 17:07

If you were to read my earlier posts you’ll see this has nothing to do with payment of the drinks, I’m very happy to pay, I just don’t want to have to manoeuvre my ball gown into position at the bar.

OP posts:

adaline · 11/05/2019 17:09

adaline because he (as in OP's post) was going up to the bar.

No, he wasn't. When they arrived, he went to the bar and bought them both a drink, then they all went to sit down. OP finished her drink and seems to be complaining that her DH didn't notice/offer to buy her a new one, even though he didn't want one himself.

So she's taken umbrage to the fact that she's had to go up and get her own drink, even though he wasn't going to the bar and didn't even want another one anyway!

newjobnerves · 11/05/2019 17:10

@ilovemycatmorethanyou I get that, but he'd already bought you a drink, maybe you should have given him your card?

DH and I pool our money though we keep some back for ourselves, it's an ongoing joke as to who pays for what when it is something out of our money (like presents) so if we had finances like yours I know DH would be like "your turn!" But something like this would come out joint money, so he does go lol.

adaline · 11/05/2019 17:10

I am independent but hate all that double standard feminist bullshit!

Isn't it a massive double standard to expect someone to get your drinks for you, but to be pissed off when you have to get your own?

Original poster

ilovemycatmorethanyou · 11/05/2019 17:11

@adaline why are you so invested in this? It’s hardly life shattering?

OP posts:

TheSmallAssassin · 11/05/2019 17:12

It would never occur to me that I shouldn't go to the bar and instead should just sit and look pretty and wait for drinks to be brought to me all evening, seems really bizarre to me. But different strokes...

adaline · 11/05/2019 17:14

No more invested than you for starting the thread, surely?

microferret · 11/05/2019 17:16

LTB!

Only kidding. Ehhh it's always a bad idea to compare your man to other people's. Couples all do stuff differently and I bet there are good things your man does that other blokes don't. You just felt left out because you were the only one whose DH wasn't getting a drink for you. Don't pay it any further mind.

Geminijes · 11/05/2019 17:18

@LyingwithInTheWardrobe

by that token, why should the men move for you to allow you to be served first?

They shouldn't have to move and I don't expect them to but if they do move then, obviously, I say thank-you and order my drink.
I don't expect them to move as I'm perfectly capable of waiting my turn but it's always nice if they do move.

Tabithakatherine · 11/05/2019 17:19

It's nice for a man to be a gent and get the drinks for his women now and then nothing wrong in that:) my bloke always does ha! X

LillithsFamiliar · 11/05/2019 17:21

I have separate finances and my husband gets my drinks from the bar

BrendasUmbrella · 11/05/2019 17:21

It's fine for someone to moan about a lack of romance in their lives. Feminism 101 aside, it's normal for men to look out for their partners as well as women. And she did ask if he wanted another drink which some of you are ignoring.

RavenLG · 11/05/2019 17:21

My OH mainly always gets the drinks just because I never bloody get served at a busy bar, it's like I'm invisible.

Mummyshark2018 · 11/05/2019 17:21

Sounds like you're annoyed because you felt that the other 'ladies' were treated better than you because they're dh's got them drinks. Tbh I would take it as a compliment that your dh thinks of you as an equal. My dh and I probably go to the bar equally.

ralphfromlordoftheflies · 11/05/2019 17:25

@ValleyoftheHorses
*
On holiday and often on evenings out too I don’t carry money/ card. DH pays on the joint account.
Fully admit to being a princess though*

Well, that's hardly being a princess is it? He's paying for your drinks and his drinks with your combined income. Him being the one going up to the bar just perpetuates some outdated concept that hubby is treating the missus to a few proseccos with his sole bread winning wages.

ooooohbetty · 11/05/2019 17:25

I'm with you OP. I never go to the bar when I'm out with my husband. It's a thing he likes doing and I'm more than happy to let him. We don't have joint finances and he usually pays for everything when we go out because he earns lots more than me. And yes I'm very capable of doing it myself and do when out with friends but it doesn't bother me in the slightest that he does it. It's a nice of him to do it imo.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 11/05/2019 17:26

adaline I misread that but just the same, if I would finish mine first and not have a drink for a while, my husband would go up to get me one even if not for him.

Why does that bother you or any other poster? Why must we compare and be 'the same' or be relegated as odd, stupid, non-feminist, lazy, blah blah blah? That comment is to the other posters who've peppered the thread with insults.

It's exactly that sort of attitude that has turned many woman away from engaging in feminist discussion, even if they live it, they just don't want to talk about it for fear of heckling. Why do some people feel the need to pillory others for opinions/actions of others that don't affect them or anybody else, in the slightest?

ILoveMaxiBondi · 11/05/2019 17:29

we don’t go out very often, maybe once a month.

That’s quite often!

And yes, you’re being a princess. Why on earth do you expect your husband to do all the legwork because he has a penis?

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