To think husband could be a bit more husbandly?

[ilovemycatmorethanyou]

This is a little lighthearted so please don’t let’s go all LTB 😂

Name changed as it could be a bit outing.

DH and I went out last night for a meal and drinks with friends, we don’t go out very often, maybe once a month.

When we arrived he bought me a drink and we sat down at the table. We weren’t in a round with anyone and the other girls husbands were going up to the bar to buy their drinks. My glass had been empty for a while so I got up to buy myself a drink, asked if he wanted one but he didn’t.

We have independent finances, always have had.

AIBU to wonder why I’m the only female getting up to buy her own drink? I felt a bit peeved by it.

Am I being a princess?

Bit I'm not talking about individual choices....it's the generalisations that are an issue! Anyway, I feel like I'm going round in circles.

Yet Constanza, there have been so many negative comments on this thread berating individuals who have tried to express why they prefer their DH to take a certain role. “You daft silly, less-than-enlightened women - you don’t NEED a man to pull you chair out, do you? Don’t you realise this where type of behaviour comes from? The same place that results in the gender pay gap! Your choices impact society! etc etc.

When in reality it is a personal preference and you can no more “generalise” or extrapolate from this than you can about the impact of women’s clothes choices; or make-up habits; career choices and so on and so on.

Hmm. I think there is still a colossal amount of pressure on women to wear stupidly uncomfortable shoes or sandals regardless of whether or not they want to - not always enough effort made to make reasonably comfortable shoes look attractive, f* all interest in things being both beautiful AND practical from the fashion industry, and still a lot of societal pressure to conform to clothing stereotypes in order to fit in. I have NEVER bought high heels because I love them - only because I think I could just about tolerate them for a special occasion and there is nothing else on offer that would even vaguely go with the rest of the outfit I have chosen. Clothing manufacturers largely cater for the dominant stereotype, and for women that tends to be more impractical and less comfortable than for men.

But they're actually right. However, as long as people are making informed decisions then I don't have an issue. I might not agree with those decisions but that's my choice.

For all of those saying they don't go to the bar because the men get served quicker - don't you just flash your cleavage at the barman to get service? it works really well

YANBU. I think it's a matter of courtesy not obligation.

iolaus - alas, it never works on the barmaids. They are strangely immune.

Flash my cleavage to get served?no.never
i have enough gravitas and presence to get served in turn and in good time
Flash your cleavage to obtain service,how vulgar. but I suppose if that’s all you’ve got

Maxi genuinely apologise if I'd gotten the wrong poster, dipping in and out

Irate, ranty feminists are just so tiresome. If I never lifted a heavy bag, or went to the bar, or changed a flat tire (which I know how to do, by the way), or changed a fuse, or never earned a single penny more, ever again, I would still consider myself the equal of any man.

I have never yet met a man who made me think any less of myself due to their attitude toward me, or women generally. I know my worth and have good self esteem.

If he went to the bar to get him and his mates a drink and didn't offer you one when your glass was empty then it's a wee bit selfish but my hubby does this all the time and then when he sees me go to the bar shortly after him, he always apologises for not offering me one when he went. It doesn't bother me personally, people have different expectations and I am happy to get my own drinks. I would always offer him a drink and others around me if I was going to the bar but I wouldn't let the scenario you described bother me. Life's way too short and he obviously wasn't being deliberately mean or trying to piss you off.

I don't understand women who expect men to bring their drinks over to them all night without reciprocating though and I hate the idea of being a princess.

Clothing manufacturers largely cater for the dominant stereotype, and for women that tends to be more impractical and less comfortable than for men.

You know, sometimes I don't want to be comfortable and practical. Sometimes I want to be creative, expressive and downright uncomfy if that's what is required. I've worn shoes that pinched or a Wonderbra that chaffed but it didn't detract one iota from the fun I had.

The kind of feminism so often expressed on here is sadly too shallow and blinkered to hold sway in real life. This is the problem and it’s a shame that the theories seem to take such scant account of the complex myriad of instincts and emotional needs inherent in female psychology.

Iolaus....I love a perfectly exexured wind-up. Well done.

Executed. Must not post midrun.

millythepink - good for you. Do you want a prize or something? It's not like it's hard to track down pinching, chafing and uncomfortable shoes and clothes for women. Unfortunately, blisters and backache do tend to detract from my enjoyment of a special occasion, so when people are pissed enough, I tend to remove stupidly designed shoes and hope I don't step in broken glass. The alternative would be to end up in too much pain to get home - unless, of course, some man carries me.

And the kind of norm of woman portrayed in here for women,is risible
All monies are shared,no sole accounts. Ever.and no paying own share of bill
Having the same name makes you a family,and that name is inevitably his
The mythical 6figure salaried man needs a woman at home ft to,organise him
These Women shop for their man,he’s too busy/doesn’t chose well he’s super bright but can’t shop for clothes
Houses that take all day to organise and run,so much so the woman can’t work
Kids who need an adult present in the house whilst they’re at school,just in case
Kids with a such a busy schedule that mum can’t work as she needs to organise them and their demanding schedule of tutors,kumon,sports,dance,clubs and swimming

@walkaround, no I don't need a prize. The life I lead is prize enough, thanks. Maybe you need to unclench a little bit? Life can be a lot of fun once you let a bit of frivolity in

LipstickHandbagCoffee
so much bitterness in one post.
You are clearly unhappy with your lot and resent others who have a different life, maybe work on your own failures and inadequacies instead of being so angry against others who have a better life than you. Your anger affect them not at all you know.

Lipstick
Generally women are SAHM if their kids are pre school, or have complex SEN with lots of hospital appointments and no chance of accessing childcare.

Lipstick - well to be honest, you’be pretty much summarised my life there

But hang on (and please correct me if I’m mistaken). Aren’t you the poster who, when out for dinner or something, work out exactly what you have had from the bill and then go on to split the cost of whatever the DC have had between you? Also, you buy your own food shopping?

Well that’s not exactly normal for two adults with DC, is it . I have never come across such madness in my life. Never.

Madness.

millythepink - but I do unclench, as soon as I get those ridiculous shoes off. I'm certain it cannot be beyond the wit of shoemakers to make shoes both look genuinely pretty and be sufficiently comfortable not to do serious damage to the feet. Yet in my lifetime, I have found only 3 pairs of shoes which fulfil both requirements sufficient to last an evening of dancing and enjoying myself, or even just standing around and talking. Unfortunately, two of those pairs of shoes are now getting on a quarter of a century old.

Well, that's my life in a nutshell @Lipstick, except I do happen to work part time in a job which I do for love (certainly not the money).

But, my life makes me very happy. In contrast you seem extremely bitter and somehow resentful. Happy people don't post in the way that you do.

insightful people don’t post in the way you do or knee jerk rebuke posts
bitter/resentful? Have to break it to you I’m none of those things
Interesting how blithely say how happy you all are,before alleging my shortcomings
Is difference so intolerable that its easier to dismiss with a tick list of putdowns