Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think husband could be a bit more husbandly?

488 replies

ilovemycatmorethanyou · 11/05/2019 15:45

This is a little lighthearted so please don’t let’s go all LTB 😂

Name changed as it could be a bit outing.

DH and I went out last night for a meal and drinks with friends, we don’t go out very often, maybe once a month.

When we arrived he bought me a drink and we sat down at the table. We weren’t in a round with anyone and the other girls husbands were going up to the bar to buy their drinks. My glass had been empty for a while so I got up to buy myself a drink, asked if he wanted one but he didn’t.

We have independent finances, always have had.

AIBU to wonder why I’m the only female getting up to buy her own drink? I felt a bit peeved by it.

Am I being a princess?

OP posts:
ralphfromlordoftheflies · 11/05/2019 17:49

@ooooohbetty so he earns lots more than you, but is happy to keep his substantially higher finances all to himself on a day to day basis. But is happy to be seen buying all your drinks on nights out 'to look after you'. Ok.

ILoveMaxiBondi · 11/05/2019 17:51

Of course op could go to the bar, but sometimes it's nice to have your tiara on and have your dh treat you like a princess. Especially if all of the other tiara wearing friend's knights were galloping off to the bar for them.

I was laughing along with this tongue in cheek post until I realised it wasn’t tongue in cheek at all!! Shock

BlueCornishPixie · 11/05/2019 17:52

But it does affect us all. All those men on nights out who try to 'protect' you to get in your pants. I can't stand them.

Men thinking you are less capable, or they need to help you or explain things to you when you are fine. Men who basically think you need looking after, who treat you like a child when actually I'm a fully grown adult.

All of this exhausting shit is perpetuated by women who need their men to 'treat them like a princess".

ILoveMaxiBondi · 11/05/2019 17:53

I wouldn't have felt comfortable as well walking up to the bar

Why? Confused do you never go out without your husband?

RottnestFerry · 11/05/2019 17:54

I'm old enough to remember when women wouldn't be served at a bar.

Overandoverupanddown · 11/05/2019 17:54

I really didn't know that having your husband go and get your drink for you, even if he doesn't need one himself, everytime you need a drink, was a thing! It would never have occurred to me!
If my glass is empty, I'm getting up to get myself drink! I'm not staring at DP waiting for him to notice my empty glass, whilst he still drinking his own, to go up and get me a drink!
I really didn't know anyone did that

ferrier · 11/05/2019 17:55

I'm in the princess camp too.
If I have to, I'll go to the bar and get the drinks in, but if I'm with men I prefer them to do it ... and I think they like it that way too. But if it's 'my round' I'll give them the money for it.

Iggly · 11/05/2019 17:56

The reason he doesn’t get you a drink is because you have separate finances.

How that works with children is beyond me.

As for financial independence - that comes from earning your own wage IMO. Not from keeping the finances separate.

ferrier · 11/05/2019 17:57

In fact what usually happens is either one of the men will notice and say, can I get you a drink and I say 'yes please but here's some money and buy anyone else a drink while you're there.' If it ends up being a big round I may go up too or someone else will volunteer.
Or I'll say 'does anyone want a drink' and one of the men will offer to go and get it.

SkaTastic · 11/05/2019 17:58

Least princessy princess ever here. I never go to the bar when I'm out with DH. I park myself up and he goes to the bar when our drinks are empty. I don't like going to the bar because I'm well clumsy and would spill most of the drinks before I got back to the table.

chaoscategorised · 11/05/2019 17:58

I find this so odd. We just take it in turns to go to the bar and so does every couple I know?

PrincessTiggerlily · 11/05/2019 17:59

I think its a class issue. Working class the men go to the bar, buy the drinks, as the women are sitting chatting together sipping their sherrys/babychams.
The more middle class women are professional and used to getting stuff done, no faffing so buy their own. [spoon emoji]

ooooohbetty · 11/05/2019 17:59

@ralphfromlordoftheflies we don't have joint finances because it's my choice not to, not his. Happy to be seen by whom? I very much doubt if anyone notices. I don't think he sees it as 'looking after me' but I'll ask him and get back to you about it so you know. When you're out in a pub do you sit and clock any couples where one goes to the bar and the other doesn't and then have a sneer fest? Each to their own. Grin

ILoveMaxiBondi · 11/05/2019 17:59

It’s not really princess is it? it’s just lazy. I don’t want to go the bar so I’m going to buy into a sexist cliche and pretend it’s chivalrous for whatever man I’m sleeping with to get the drinks.

When you go out with all females do you pick the manliest woman to go to the bar or do you just all not buy drinks?

Bamb00 · 11/05/2019 18:00

We have shared finances (as I thought most couples do?) So wouldn't technically matter who went up to pay for it, but if dh was there he would go to the bar and pay, as he's an old fashioned gentleman type, and of I got up to get them, he'd tell me to sit back down (not in an ordering me around way 😂) and he'd get them himself, so yes I get why you're annoyed. I'd also be questioning if it's because he didn't want to PAY for your drink as your finances are separate, this could have been a motive for him not getting you one. And would piss me off even more! X

ralphfromlordoftheflies · 11/05/2019 18:01

@ooooohbetty yes ask him do he can mansplain everything to me 🙄

PamelaX · 11/05/2019 18:03

Mummyshark2018

life is not about managing, I have better expectations than that. I can do a lot of things by myself, but why should I.

ralphfromlordoftheflies · 11/05/2019 18:04

*@ferrier

But if it's 'my round' I'll give them the money for it.*

This infuriates me! Help them keep up the facade of looking after their women, whilst actually buying the round?! Pick a side, fucking hell.

PamelaX · 11/05/2019 18:04

The more middle class women are professional and used to getting stuff done, no faffing so buy their own.

the more middle class women tend to go to better places where your order is taken at your table and you don't have to fight at the bar and travel with your drinks. It always help Wink

ooooohbetty · 11/05/2019 18:04

@ralphfromlordoftheflies I just did. He said to tell you that you don't need to worry your pretty little head about it.

TidyDancer · 11/05/2019 18:05

We take it in turns to buy the drinks because that's fair. Sometimes it'll work out that DP buys more, sometimes it'll be me, but then we have joint finances so it doesn't matter.

I do find it quite cringey that there are still women out there who expect men to go to the bar for them (just because they are men) even if they're not buying a drink for themselves. I would be embarrassed if I felt incapable of doing that myself.

CostanzaG · 11/05/2019 18:07

Why do adult women feel uncomfortable going up to a bar a buying a drink? How bizarre.....I go to pubs on my own where I have no choice but to sort my own drinks out.

patientzero · 11/05/2019 18:08

I actually caused a couple to argue at a wedding once because I was the only singleton there and had been happily included in the drinks rounds until I decided it was my turn and WW3 broke out 🙄

Anyway, DH and I have separate finances (no kids and I’m quite spendy). Whoever can be arsed goes to the bar. It works for us.

Jsmith99 · 11/05/2019 18:10

All together now, sisters!

What do we want?

Equality!

When do we want it?

Er, only when it suits us, and definitely not if it involves getting up off our arses and going to the bar...

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 11/05/2019 18:12

PurpleDaisies, it's women that stop feminism from ever progressing. There is nobody detests women more than other women do. Borne out on Mumsnet time and again.

You have absolutely no notion of other people's relationships yet you and posters of your ilk spout off about them. Bizarre and frankly, stupid.

I'm away now to put my little frilly apron on as I have to get the muffins out of the oven for my husband as he sits and waits for me to trip in with them, fluttering my eyelashes as I go...