To think husband could be a bit more husbandly?

[ilovemycatmorethanyou]

This is a little lighthearted so please don’t let’s go all LTB 😂

Name changed as it could be a bit outing.

DH and I went out last night for a meal and drinks with friends, we don’t go out very often, maybe once a month.

When we arrived he bought me a drink and we sat down at the table. We weren’t in a round with anyone and the other girls husbands were going up to the bar to buy their drinks. My glass had been empty for a while so I got up to buy myself a drink, asked if he wanted one but he didn’t.

We have independent finances, always have had.

AIBU to wonder why I’m the only female getting up to buy her own drink? I felt a bit peeved by it.

Am I being a princess?

vandree same here, he drinks faster so goes the to the bar, also with my money tho! I'm perfectly capable and would go but he beat me to it.

adaline because he (as in OP's post) was going up to the bar.

My husband straightens my hair as well as going up to the bar, any bar, opens doors for me, any doors. I don't 'make him', he chooses to do that. You can do as you like.

I don't mind hearing what other people do, I can do that without making judgements on them. Snarky comments from the usual posters just go over my head, it says very much about the person making them. Why do you (general) need to put somebody in their place (you can't) to make yourself feel better?

Chivalry is a concept invented when women were possessions.

But then I'm not 'fiercely independent' of my DH. We work together, to our strengths, share what we have, balance finances, chores, life. But I'll get my own drinks if he still has some. He's absolutely lovely to me, just not because he's a man and I'm a woman.

This is no dig at you OP but I've never heard of this in my whole life! Me and DP have shared finances ish. House and living costs into joint and then our own money which we would use in a pub. We take it in turns, he goes to get a round, then I get us one.

Since when has this been a thing?! It's not something that's ever been on my radar!

You can have separate finances and still have joint money for things like joint socialising.
I often prefer not to bother with a handbag on holiday or if just out for a quick drink/ meal so DH knows he’s paying.
He would go to the bar even if I had my handbag though - I agree with whoever said don’t keep a dog and bark yourself!

Fwiw, I often go to the bar because bartenders tend to serve me faster than they serve him. It's sexism (or objectification) of a different sort, so I suppose my horse doesn't get to be particularly high, but I genuinely don't think of bar-going as a manly duty.

I’m really amazed at how many people see not having shared finances as an issue.

I would say about 70% of couples/families I know have separate finances. The only ones that have shared finances are where one parent doesn’t work.

Maybe they just don’t use Mumsnet, which is great for me as I should never be outed

I don't go to the bar because I am a lady.

YahBasic I am older, I don't know anyone in my age group who does not have shared finances. It used to be standard.

This is one of those ‘Mumsnet is a parallel universe’ scenarios.

My DH would never get up to the bar and not offer me a drink. Ever. Neither would he make a cup of tea without offering me one. Or going to the shop without asking if there is anything I’d like him to pick up.

Not because I’m a ‘princess’ but because he loves me and considers my needs and visa versa. Just like any other married couple I know.

Except for MN where if you expect your husband to do anything for you you’re a demanding entitled princess

It could be that Claire - although my parents are in their 60s and have never had shared finances, so maybe that’s just become my normal too.

It’s mainly laziness on our part, same reason I’ve not got round to changing my maiden name too!

Parrott do you offer all those things in return?

Funny how the people talking about “standards” and chivalry are of the same opinion as those who refer to their partners as dogs.

I do agree with the sentiment that sometimes being looked after is a bit sexy.

It’s the sitting there like Lady Muck expecting to be waited on or not going to the bar because “I don’t want to” that feels a bit ick.

I’m also being a bit light-hearted before anyone gets the hump too badly 😉

This is one of the most stupid things I’ve read - being female does not stop you going to the bar even if your DH is there. You’ve legs and a voice - use them and stop being so ridiculous and lazy!

parrott but the DH wasn't going to the bar. OP wanted a drink and expected her husband to go to the bar for her, when he didn't want a drink.

I literally don't know anyone in real life who expects their DH to go to the bar for them, even my 80 yr old grandma goes to the bar(although maybe not the same bars ). It's quite frankly pathetic.

What is it about bars? Do your DHs have to order your food in restaurants? Or go to the till for you? Why can't women order their own drinks?

I'd be more than happy to go and buy a round in that situation.

However, men tend to get served first at the bar and sometimes you can stand there ages and you practically have to jump up and down and wave your cash in the air in order to get served.

So I send DH.

@parker231 your post is rude and unnecessary. I am not lazy or ridiculous and if this is one of the most stupid things you’ve ever read you need to get out more.

I love these, "I’m a fully paid up feminist " comments, and then expecting men to buy the drinks. One of the key facets of feminism is Social equality. You expect men to buy the drinks, but you want equal pay? We are not subservient or property. If I want a drink I will buy one. If DH wants one, he will buy one, if he goes to the bar, he will offer me one also. Part time feminists....

Some posters are getting very irate. It was lighthearted but as usual in this MN universe it gets all unnecessary. To have never heard of this type of situation is a little strange, do you live under a rock?

I never said I was feminist! I am independent but hate all that double standard feminist bullshit!

My post was not rude - you asked whether you were being a princess - the answer is yes. Why would you expect your DH to go to the bar for you when it was you not him who wanted the drink?

This thread has become catsnip, OP. I'd leave them to froth away to nothing...

Parker you called me stupid, lazy and ridiculous - all of that is rude.

I get you OP. I don't go to the bar, DH does, cos if I do, it takes twice as long as I'm tiny and not easily seen.

Hey the only time on mn you can legitimately hope to be brought food/drink is postpartum
At that point youre a goddess who must sit on cashmere cushions and attendants aka dp bring you all beverages