Husband Business trip Bangkok

[fred74]

My husband has insisted he needed to go on a work trip to Bangkok. From find my iPhone app I have found out he spent the first night in a go-go dancer/sex club. He left for a short period of time with drew £500 and returned. We have been married for 18 years and I feel absolutely disgusted by this. I am considering hiring a private detective to see what he gets up to. Any advice/thoughts greatly appreciated.

Does your dh work in an industry where a business trip to Bangkok is likely? It’s not really the sort of place most people go for ‘business’.

😂. Really. I know a few people who travel to Bangkok for business. In fact my friend was sent on a secondment for 3 months to an investment bank. They do have legitimate businesses there you know.

No, couldn’t forgive (even “just” being a bit of an old pervert!).

Bangkok is not his favourite place by a long mark - nor mine, in the short visits I have made there during other Asia travels, but there are plenty of other travellers there who actively avoid the sleazy parts.

Yes it's really easy to avoid the sleazy parts.

Always find it interesting when someone posts then doesn’t return. Also love seeing the great useful replies to such a scenario along with those who do the standard LTB of course he’s cheating on what is really very very little proof.

Most of all...I’ve been wanting to visit Thailand so interesting stuff - thanks all who’ve posted sharing their experiences of Bangkok. 😀

I'm not sure if anyone has pointed this already but there could be a perfectly reasonable explanation for the £500 cash withdrawal.

ATM withdrawals have a fee in Thailand. You can cut the cost by taking out larger amounts of cash in fewer ATM withdrawals. The max withdrawal limit for many ATMs is 20,000 Baht or £487. When the £5 fee is added, this is very, very close to £500

@over50andfab do it! We've had so much fun in Bangkok, even ate deep fried scorpion and had leg and shoulder massages by the side of the road on Khao San Road, no sleaze encountered whatsoever. On the flip side we also stayed in nice hotels and ate and drank in nice restaurants. It's hectic, hot and humid but worth a visit.

I'm not convinced on this either. It could be what you think it is, but those trackers are notoriously inaccurate, and he could have withdrawn the money at once to stop him having to do it again. He may be socialising in more expensive places with colleagues so thinks this will do him for a few days.

I think the more concerning thing is the level you're tracking him. Both my husband and I travel for work. It's never occurred to me to track his movements, and I would hope the same for him to me.

The fact you are sitting there tracking him and want to hire a detective would indicate to me something is deeply wrong, but what I don't know if it's your own insecurity or he is a sleazeball and you've cause to.

@Fraxion thank you. I’m sure deep fried scorpion has to taste better than the worm grubs I tasted last year in Ecuador - and I persevered with 3 of the nasty things before deciding they weren’t for me 🤮

Tbh I think I’d prefer to visit all the less crowded more scenic places but appreciate Bangkok has also to be experienced.

@over50andfab

thank you. I’m sure deep fried scorpion has to taste better than the worm grubs I tasted last year in Ecuador - and I persevered with 3 of the nasty things before deciding they weren’t for me 🤮

It was utterly vile but the kids told us we had to do it (they did it on their gap year)! You could team a visit with Krabi, it is stunning. We stayed in a quiet corner and island hopped easily. No sleaze there either 😂

500 quid does sound like an awful lot

Has he got form for this? Otherwise you are rather jumping to conclusions, especially telling your sister your suspicions. Call your DH and ask him for any explanation, it may be an innocent, possibly the app played up and he was in a restaurant down the street, or he's with colleagues/business associates and felt pressured to go along, the latter isn't great but I wouldn't end a marriage over it. However if your DH did go for his own pleasure and you can get past him just watching, confronting him now might give him the kick in the arse he needs to avoid being tempted any further!

You might pay 60p for a beer, but wine is ridiculously expensive in Thailand. (Good job we prefer beer!)

I've been to Thailand/Bangkok/Asia several times. You receive a better exchange rate on your currency if you take out the money there, example my credit card allows free withdrawals, pay it off when I return
Would you think the same thing if he was in Singapore, Kuala Lumpur, London
There are plenty of other things to do in all cities !
£500 goes a long way in the cheaper parts of any city

my credit card allows free withdrawals, pay it off when I return

I opened a bank account with Starling purely for travelling purposes, no fees on their debit card.

OP I'm guessing there must be trust issues in your marriage before this?

But just to give you my experience, I've been to Thailand 4 times with a big mixed group, a few of the single men did pay for company rather than sex- we shared an apartment and the females would come on days out or dinner with us. Also I tend to take large amounts out when I'm there as it's a pain to keep going back and because of ATM charges.

He may have done something, he may have paid for a few drinks with a female for a chat and have a wallet full of cash. If it was me, I would ask him in person so I could see his reaction.

saying he could be spending the £500 on 'drinks'. That is an ABSOLUTE shitload of drinks

Not necessarily - read the reviews of Patpong bars and it's clear that punters are lured in with promises of a show and a drink for 100 baht, then hit with a bill for thousands on pain of being prevented from leaving

Allegedly, some have even been "escorted" to ATMs for the money, which could explain how the sudden withdrawal appeared

I opened a bank account with Starling purely for travelling purposes, no fees on their debit card

I got one for the same purpose. However, while Starling don't charge fees, that doesn't mean the ATM operator won't. As far as I am aware, there is now an operator fee charged on all ATMs in Thailand.

Just to play devil’s advocate - he might have taken the money out for hotels. In Bangkok I tried to pay with my card on arrival for one i’d booked online but they wanted cash. It was fairly common. £500 is more than a good night out, but frankly it’s a lot more than a prostitute too. Has he been in touch? Are you sure he’s ok and someone else isn’t rinsing his account? As for the strip club, when in Bangkok, etc. I got roped in to watching a lady fire balls out her... on a work trip there once! It only cost about £3 to watch and that was with free drinks!

I got one for the same purpose. However, while Starling don't charge fees, that doesn't mean the ATM operator won't. As far as I am aware, there is now an operator fee charged on all ATMs in Thailand.

Yeah I know but it's cheaper than paying a currency transaction fee on top. Our next trip is SE Asia but not Thailand.

I once went to one of those sleazy lady-boy strip clubs in Bangkok. Just off the Khao San road. It was Incredible. Just how many old white ex pat men were in there, salivating over these young 'dancers'. Almost all of them paying for private petting. And there was a 'hotel' above which an awful lot of the men were taking the prostitutes to. They weren't even ashamed. ATM right outside.
I was 18 at the time and very shocked seeing all of this.

I wouldn't be at all surprised if that's what he's up to. Especially if your gut feeling is telling you somethings up. Do whatever you have to!

Could he be sampling the local drugs?

@fraxion I stay at the Mandarin Oriental when in Bangkok for work and I would easily get to £300 on occasions just for client drinks!