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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask how to do this in the nicest way possible?

337 replies

lessnoisepls · 10/05/2019 09:30

Nc as probably quite outing.

We have a friend, her husband and 2 young children staying with us at the moment. So as to not drip, here's the background.
The lady is a longstanding family friend and has come to stay with us many times over the years, often last minute, and we never know how long for, but we have plenty of space so it's not a problem.

This time however, she's come with her husband and two children for the first time. Both kids under 3.
They didn't give us much notice, as this is the usual protocol for her visits, but feel this is slightly different as there's more of them and they're sort of taking over the house. They're staying for 4 months, they didn't really ask, or give us much time, basically told us when they were on their way. But regardless, we would have said yes anyways as we do have the space, no good reason not to.

My issue is this. We have rooms and bathroom in a separate sort of annex type thing where they are all sleeping.
They have to come into the house to use the kitchen.
They come into the house quite early, I understand, kids get up early, can't be helped.
But they're so noisy. Like kids, I get it, but they're literally louder than the kids. The kids will scream in like a cute joyful way and they'll do it back, just honestly making a racket. I'd think they were doing it on purpose if they weren't such lovely people.

This is my issue. They are SO lovely. Such good friends and we love having them. It's great fun, we eat together every night and they're such interesting, fun chat, it's honestly not a problem having them to stay.
Just the noise, specifically first thing in the morning.

I want to ask them nicely to keep it down this weekend as I'm going to be out and no doubt hungover both mornings and would REALLY like a lie in, and to let my head lie in peace.
I just think no matter how I ask it's going to come across badly.
She's quite a sensitive person and I know she'll feel racked with guilt if I say anything, and I don't want to spoil the nice atmosphere in the house, even though I think I might be quite frosty at the moment in the mornings with the early wake up calls.

How do I do it nicely?
Like think the nicest, most enthusiastic people on the planet, how do you say it on their level!?!?

The mess and the noise is really starting to get to me, I don't know when they're leaving and I'm trying to stay calm and understanding as I understand two young children can't be easy to keep on top of everything but I have to say something for my sanity!

OP posts:
lessnoisepls · 10/05/2019 10:15

Laughing at people saying it isn't real.

I really wish it wasn't.

I really wish for just a day I could have my house back to myself.

I know they're being CF but I just really want to keep my cool.
As lovely and reassuring as it is to hear everyone say it's total CF'ery ...
We're 2 months down, 2 months to go.

I'll start off by saying, I'm going out tonight, would like a little hangover morning in peace, see where that conversation takes us and hopefully it leads to a general conversation about noise.

OP posts:
HolesinTheSoles · 10/05/2019 10:15

4 months? That's incredibly kind of you! Why can't they just grab a snack first thing in the morning and stay in their annex. I would make this a general rule not just over the weekend.

Gruzinkerbell1 · 10/05/2019 10:15

Ear plugs is a ridiculous suggestion! This is your HOME and they are being extremely cheeky and rude. Why the fuck should you wear ear plugs for 4 months?!

Tell them that they need to keep the noise down in the morning until X time (how early are we talking here, btw?).

If that fails to work tell them that the house is out of bounds until X time.

They aren’t kind or sensitive, they’re massive CFs treating your home like a B&B without any thought to you and your family.

SilverySurfer · 10/05/2019 10:15

I'm beyond shocked that you don't have a problem with people turning up to live in your house for four months with virtually no notice and they don't contribute a penny. As others have said, she must be paid living expenses by her employer. Why are you pussy footing around - just tell them they are waking you every morning, would they please tone it down.

After they've gone I would burn down the annexe so the CFers can't take you for mugs again. Perhaps a tad OTT but I would remove the beds and use the rooms for another purpose, eg office, craft room etc so this would be their last visit.

VanillaCoconutDove · 10/05/2019 10:17

Honestly op, this is batshit. How long have they stayed for?

Are they paying for their own food? He’s a stay at (your) home dad, is he actually home a lot? Using a lot of electricity by any chance? Running water for baths and showers daily, etc etc.

How much would rent be in your area? £500 per month? a very conservative estimate. Bills? Another £2/300? These people were uninvited. They just turned up. Would you have emptied your bank account of £3/4K to let them have a jolly time for 4 months in your area? Probably not. And then they have the bloody audacity to make a mess and be noisy bastards every morning!

ThorosOfMyr · 10/05/2019 10:17

Sorry but if this really is true you are a total wet walkover! We have PILs come from abroad for 6/7 weeks ever 18 months or so and it bloody kills me. How on earth do you put up with this shit? 4 months of paying for/putting up with an entire family?? You have got to be kidding. Guests are like fish etc etc, they go off after 3 days. I would be saying a firm no.

FrancisCrawford · 10/05/2019 10:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

VanillaCoconutDove · 10/05/2019 10:21

What time have they been rising and making noise from?

regmover · 10/05/2019 10:21

No point keep giving Op advice to get more assertive, it's clearly not in her nature and she won't do it. Op - sounds like you need to get through this and then come up with a concrete reason why they can't come again. And tell them soon after they go back home this time.

Outanabout · 10/05/2019 10:21

Hahaha every time you think you've seen the absolute WORST cfery, someone tops it.

Doll up with no notice to stay for 4 months, make a mess and loud noise, pay nothing. Do they pay for food, heating, water etc.?

You're being taken advantage of, and they're pocketing the money she's getting for accommodation.

Turpy · 10/05/2019 10:23

Are you in the UK? Im thinking not. Your guests sound awful. Do they do anything to help out?

lessnoisepls · 10/05/2019 10:24

In terms of the food questions which has been asked a few times - they are Vegan, we are not - so we each see to our own food but tend to do it all together at same time when kids are in bed.

So we don't pay for any food for them.

Went food shopping with my partner the other day and he said shall we phone them and see if they need anything?
I laughed and said absolutely not.
He joked about loving how accommodating and kind I am.
LIP BITTEN.

OP posts:
Gatoadigrado · 10/05/2019 10:24

What is her job? You may as well tell us; you’ve given enough detail in your post already. There can’t be many people who fly half way round the world at short notice for work which doesn’t pay enough for accommodation but enough to bring the whole family along! Do they fly?

You’ve told us so much but are being very evasive about the actual job which is why people are finding it hard to believe.

kaldefotter · 10/05/2019 10:25

Don’t talk about a hangover morning, OP. If you do that, she’ll think you only want quiet mornings after you’ve been drinking the night before.

Tell her you need them to be quieter every morning. Can’t her husband take them out to a park or something in the mornings, to burn off some energy (ie get the shrieking out of their systems)?

Don’t be a doormat, OP.

VoteJadot · 10/05/2019 10:25

Actually we need a place to stay in July and August OP. OK if we rock up when they leave? I can do good chat over wine and the kids are a pair of delightful live wires.

Horsemenoftheaclopalypse · 10/05/2019 10:26

She's quite a sensitive person

😂😂😂😂😂😂 I laughed out loud at this

Sensitive people realise randomly moving their family in with someone for FOUR MONTHS!!!! with NO financial contribution while while showing NO noise consideration is not okay!!! (Or considerate or appropriate!!!)

Absolutely outrageous and you are under-reacting - they are actually making money off you as they don’t even have to pay for their basic costs (ie gas electric or water while they mooch off you)

And I already KNOW they aren’t buying all their own food or alcohol... Hmm

I really hope you are fabulously wealthy and it’s a drop in the ocean as this is really beyond the pale...

lessnoisepls · 10/05/2019 10:26

@regmover
I can be assertive, I just have a tendency to go over board and be rude.
I really want to be better this time. But maybe this isn't the time to focus on being better?!

OP posts:
Offallycheap · 10/05/2019 10:28

Unless you have some gigantic baronial pile with staff quarters, AND staff, they are massively taking the piss.

They are lifestyle bloggers aren’t they?

Tramps with WiFi.

Horsemenoftheaclopalypse · 10/05/2019 10:28

Ahhh crossover with the vegan update...

I still stand by my points - buying their own food should be a basic expectation

lessnoisepls · 10/05/2019 10:28

Gatoadigrado

If you really want to know, or anyone else for that matter, you can message me and I can explain in full detail.
You'll understand then.

OP posts:
WorkingItOutAsIGo · 10/05/2019 10:30

STOP BEING A DOORMAT!!!

You are being a doormat then falling into anger rather than just being pleasantly assertive the whole time. Ask yourself what a pleasantly assertive person would do and do that!

Ie no pussyfooting around with ‘it would be nice if you could be quiet’ and more ‘half way through your visit, need to review a few things in order to make sure it is working for us’

WorkingItOutAsIGo · 10/05/2019 10:31

And be clear - it’s much more disruptive having them all there so if it’s for a long time then these rules are more important

WorkingItOutAsIGo · 10/05/2019 10:32

They are not guests when they stay tha long but effectively non paying lodgers

MRex · 10/05/2019 10:32

"Guys, you're too loud in the mornings. Please keep the noise down until 10am as much as possible; an occasional baby shout is understandable but I hear your voices at the moment and I'd like you to be as quiet as you can. Now it's warm you could give the babies breakfast in the garden, which would be quieter. I also need you to clean up your mess more often, it's a long stay and we like having you here but we need toys and other mess to be confined to the living room and your bedrooms only, then tidy up the living room before dinner. Thanks"

GurlwiththeCurl · 10/05/2019 10:33

Are you actually talking about swallows or house martins, by any chance?