To ask how to do this in the nicest way possible?

[lessnoisepls]

Nc as probably quite outing.

We have a friend, her husband and 2 young children staying with us at the moment. So as to not drip, here's the background.
The lady is a longstanding family friend and has come to stay with us many times over the years, often last minute, and we never know how long for, but we have plenty of space so it's not a problem.

This time however, she's come with her husband and two children for the first time. Both kids under 3.
They didn't give us much notice, as this is the usual protocol for her visits, but feel this is slightly different as there's more of them and they're sort of taking over the house. They're staying for 4 months, they didn't really ask, or give us much time, basically told us when they were on their way. But regardless, we would have said yes anyways as we do have the space, no good reason not to.

My issue is this. We have rooms and bathroom in a separate sort of annex type thing where they are all sleeping.
They have to come into the house to use the kitchen.
They come into the house quite early, I understand, kids get up early, can't be helped.
But they're so noisy. Like kids, I get it, but they're literally louder than the kids. The kids will scream in like a cute joyful way and they'll do it back, just honestly making a racket. I'd think they were doing it on purpose if they weren't such lovely people.

This is my issue. They are SO lovely. Such good friends and we love having them. It's great fun, we eat together every night and they're such interesting, fun chat, it's honestly not a problem having them to stay.
Just the noise, specifically first thing in the morning.

I want to ask them nicely to keep it down this weekend as I'm going to be out and no doubt hungover both mornings and would REALLY like a lie in, and to let my head lie in peace.
I just think no matter how I ask it's going to come across badly.
She's quite a sensitive person and I know she'll feel racked with guilt if I say anything, and I don't want to spoil the nice atmosphere in the house, even though I think I might be quite frosty at the moment in the mornings with the early wake up calls.

How do I do it nicely?
Like think the nicest, most enthusiastic people on the planet, how do you say it on their level!?!?

The mess and the noise is really starting to get to me, I don't know when they're leaving and I'm trying to stay calm and understanding as I understand two young children can't be easy to keep on top of everything but I have to say something for my sanity!

If they’re in an annex, put some breakfast bits in a basket. Give it to them the night before and lock your bloody door !!

They are definitely CFs. Wow - 2 months unannounced - I'd be asking for a contribution to bills.

Omg, gotta love MNers sometimes. People here seem to be such a happy hunting ground for CFs. And I say that as someone who isn't even particularly assertive.

I quite fancy a free, very long holiday in Canada or the Far East, or alternatively somewhere interesting in Europe, so if there are any similarly accommodating MNers in those locations, drop me a line and my family of 4 will turn up as soon as we can organise flights. We'll even be quiet in the mornings and throw in a few home-cooked (non-vegan) meals for you while we take over your house.

They are SO lovely.

Honestly? They sound further from lovely than anyone I have ever heard of.

does have a tendency to be taken advantage of talk about the understatement of the year.

4 months?! I suggest you get some property rental fliers and start leaving them by the kettle/toaster/microwave so they see them when they use the kitchen if you really don't want to discuss it with them.

I’ve never heard of anyone less lovely than these people.

This is very difficult to understand! I am sorry and I know that you do have a family history with these people, and I agree that we should all stick together when circumstances dictate a friend/relative has been put in a situation where they have to work away from their normal remit.
This does not sound like that though. I have to share the suspicions of other posters and I think that it is over and above the usual request for a stay midweek as the person has to work 'out of town'.
I am usually on the linking arms and help each other side of the fence, but 4 Months??? 4 People??? Maybe tell them there is an Air BnB Website that they could access - you could throw them invitations to dinner - days at yours over the weekend etc, but nobody should be expected to host a family for 4 months - that is the height of unreasonable!! No matter how affable they are - it's taking the p**

I get that you don't want to rock the boat because it's your husband's family friends - maybe his house too, originally (just guessing). But honestly OP you have a right to be pissed off and a right to assert yourself in your own home.

I'd say something like: 'Hi Guys, I don't want to make things awkward but I'm really struggling with the noise the children are making in the morning. Please could you keep them in the annexe until 9am?" If she's offended? LET HER BE! She has NO RIGHT to be offended if the people she is freeloading off for 4 months point out something she should already have been considerately aware of.

And never EVER let them come back again. They can't have practically landed on you, because they realistically couldn't have come to another country without making sure they had accommodation, so they did ask you - no matter how last minute it was. And the answer is 'Sorry no that doesn't work for us.' Lie and say you have your family staying or having work done or whatever if you must but say no.

4 months! A family turn up with little notice and want to stay 4 months. They sound like absolute control freaks and you must be mad. She really does not sound sensitive, just tell her to keep the noise down.

Can you afford to put a kitchen in the annex, so she can have a better family life style. Sounds good, really it means bugger off

She has NO RIGHT to be offended if the people she is freeloading off for 4 months point out something she should already have been considerately aware of.

This.

Bloody cheeky feckers!

What are the husband and kids doing all day whilst she works?

Wow.

Was this fully discussed as a family when your in laws couldn't accommodate them any more? Did you feel pressured to say it was ok? You are definitely more accommodating than me!

Whatwouldyoubelikeat28
AIBU is absolutely the wrong forum for this, because most of the classic uk-style-suburbans here cannot conceive of having someone round for an extended cuppa, let alone as house guests with their family. I get your posts when you say how really you love having them here, and that they are great company - their very noisiness is a reflection of how at ease they are, and that is a great thing with friends - indeed this is how great friendships are built. I absolutely open my home to those in need, and if it doesn't cost me anything, I wouldn't charge either. It's nice to help others, and to have community, and to share your living space. It's lively! Downside: it can be a bit hectic too.

The majority of people here will only see them as freeloaders (and worse) because they don't understand that style of generosity and community, and they cannot conceive of what kind of family might have to travel halfway around the world for seasonal work (hint: they don't get salaries in a lot of industries, nor the paid-for perks of western contracts!)

Totally agree whatwouldyoubelikeat28. That's why a lot of the advice here is not helping OP.

I was so happy when I realized this was started yesterday.
I assumed a conclusion would have happened by now.

I was wrong

The person who posted that we were all mean suburbanites obviously has money to burn. I am a proud suburbanite (it's taken me a while, but actually the suburbs are great!) but however accommodating I might be to guests I do not have the resources to carry a family of four for four months! And far from this building great friendships, a long uninvited stay from someone not contributing anything surely must absolutely kill a friendship stone dead.

Furthermore, this family is not doing the sort of seasonal work strawberry picking for 3p an hour. The wife is by all accounts in the arts .

I get your posts when you say how really you love having them here, and that they are great company - their very noisiness is a reflection of how at ease they are, and that is a great thing with friends - indeed this is how great friendships are built

I think the OP says that but really doesn't mean it. In fact, she can't wait for them to leave.

Normal friendly community minded people would know this and would know anything more than a week or two is taking the piss, and would let people know well in advance. It's always the most free easy minded people who take the most from other people and don't offer anything back. My bet is that if the OP and her husband rocked up with little or no notice into their family home for four months, they'd have pointed them to a hotel within the week! It's never reciprocal; there are takers and there are givers.

two quite probably sleep deprived parents to keep the noise down so that I can sleep

They chose to have children!

You need to say something otherwise you’ll just seethe and that will be noticeable. And that kind of silent rage is more uncomfortable than just being direct and clear about some house rules.

Are they Australian? They sound like it - not really hugely sensitive to others’ needs but it also means you can be straightforward with them. I’m sure you’ll do it kindly.

You sound lovely, OP when these guests have gone, can I come and stay?

It must be lovely having a job where your family living expenses can be borne by someone else for 4 months.

You said your dh would have a word with them yesterday evening about the noise. How did it go op?

Upza
I was picturing them as Australian as well. And if so, yes, tell them like it is.....

I’m assuming she’s an actor (or maybe a director). Equity requires that some sort of per diem is paid for gigs away from home.

As you say, OP it may not cover the whole family, but it’s inconceivable to me that she wouldn’t off some kind of payment for 4 months and 4 of them.

I have a large house with a pretty self-contained separate guest floor and enjoy having people to stay. A few days of friends or family they are of course my guests. But I’ve sometimes accommodated people for longer- an unplanned 6 months once - and then I am clear that they pay me, and we have a few house rules. Nothing stringent and I only ever charge about half the amount I could get if we’re having a lodger as a business proposition.

But I still charge because when it’s for longer than a week or a fortnight, it’s a different situation.

Ahh was hoping for an update to this as I have a feeling your guests aren't going to be happy with any way you put it to them and I think you might see another side to them.

Are they really your friends, or are they just people you've inherited who come and stay in your house, but who do provide charming company in the evenings? You can't be that friendly or in touch if you weren't aware that her work would be taking her to visit you again with her family in tow this time for four months. Friends would be talking about this to each other, even if it was already tacitly agreed that she could take your hospitality for granted when she's here.

Are you looking forward to their visit here next year, and the year after, as their children get older and maybe more noisy? I suppose there's some cachet in having an arty person staying in your house which is why you're putting up with this. You wouldn't want to be thought of as a dull suburbanite after all.

Went food shopping with my partner the other day and he said shall we phone them and see if they need anything?
I laughed and said absolutely not.
He joked about loving how accommodating and kind I am.
LIP BITTEN.

Why would you bite your lip? Why didn't you bite his head off? Your husband had no right to talk in that way. Anger is a useful emotion when we are setting our boundaries. If you find yourself getting angry then it may be because a boundary is being pushed or broken. You don't have to be aggressive about this, you can be assertive, but it's clear that you are feeling your boundaries have been trodden on, hence the fact that this is getting to you.

This is so entertaining - what a situation!

Please let us know if there has been a resolution?

Have we established where you are in the world OP?