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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Do you buy your kids presents just because?

208 replies

MonstranceClock · 09/05/2019 14:22

I was out shopping with some friends this morning and picked up a toy and some books from my daughter. I got loads of questions about why I'm buying her presents when her birthday isn't till August, why would I spoil her like that, wish they had money to waste blah blah blah.
Is it really unusual? My parents used bring me back things that they had seen if they knew I would like it. I didn't see any harm in it but they really pissed me off!

OP posts:
SmellMySmellbow · 09/05/2019 14:25

I do. Ds is not spoilt at all and is always very expressive in his gratitude. He often asks for stuff, mostly rubbish and I'll say no, but if I see something he will love and enjoy and I can afford it I will get it. Bonus points for educational Grin

user1480880826 · 09/05/2019 14:25

It sounds like they only don’t do it because they can’t afford it.

I always buy my daughter things that I think she might like. It doesn’t need to be her birthday or christmas. Usually it's just stiff from the kids charity shop or books and craft materials. Or big things that I don’t want to wait months for.

AguerosAngel · 09/05/2019 14:25

I do it for my DS(12), a T-shirt I think he’d like, a book he’s been after, some new football stuff, why wouldn’t I if I can afford it?

Your friend sounds like my MIL, gifts are strictly for birthdays and Xmas, and wow betide DH if he ever treats me to a bunch of flowers!

MrsOaf · 09/05/2019 14:26

I buy things for DS (24) DD (18) and DSS (10) in this way. I also buy things for DH or for friends if I see them & know they would love them.

flamed12 · 09/05/2019 14:26

I honestly hardly ever buy them presents just because. I’m not mean and I take them loads of places, safari/cinema etc but I rarely pick up toys/presents for them.

I was in a toy shop a few weeks ago and I bought my daughter, son and nephew £2 toys each which I knew they’d like. It was the first time I can remember doing this ever.

My daughter played with hers for 2 hours then never been touched since, my son appreciated his a lot and put it on his school bag (it was a keyring and was excited to show his friends). My nephew never even opened his and left it behind in my house!

Original poster
MonstranceClock · 09/05/2019 14:27

They definitely can afford it.
Everytime I picked something up it was "Oh, is that just because too?"
so annoying.

OP posts:
user1474894224 · 09/05/2019 14:27

I think I can be a bit tight with my kids....e.g. no regular pocket money etc but I did order a new book this morning we heard them talking about on the radio. I tend not to get toys as I think we have enough, but got DS a pair of shorts I knew he would like this week. I wouldn't treat them all the time or it's no longer a treat, but I will 'treat' myself to a bottle of wine so it's unfair of them never to have something nice. (Although also recently daughter went to cinema with youth group, DH took D's to cinema etc so there are other ways of treating them).

Faster · 09/05/2019 14:27

I don’t see books as something just for birthday and Christmas gifts. They’re books!
I’ll buy DS something small that I think he’ll like every now and again, just as I would for myself!
This week he got a packet of balloons and I am worlds best mum for it.

MaudebeGonne · 09/05/2019 14:27

I do, but I am starting to limit it. We have moved twice in recent years and they have way too much stuff.

twirlypoo · 09/05/2019 14:28

I am in the middle on this one! Ds is allowed a new toy about once a month which I tell him is his pocket money saved up (it’s more random than this!) if he’s had a tough time or done something good at school, I will get him something. Books I don’t class as presents because I want him to read as much as poss and encourage that.

However, I’ve a friend who I’ve had to have a quiet word with as every time she takes the kids out they get to goto the toy shop and choose a present, if we go for a meal she whips something new out her bag for them, on a Friday in addition to this they get to choose a new toy. I had to ask not to do this in front of Ds as I just couldn’t keep up - so we started meeting after she’d been to the toy shop and popped stuff in the car.

She was lovely about it and I explained I just couldn’t afford it (I also don’t want to spoil Ds but I didn’t say that) and that it was making him sad seeing her girls have so much in front of him.

I think only birthdays and Xmas is on the harsh side of things and I couldn’t do it, but I equally couldn’t care lsss so long as it doesn’t affect my Ds!

rabbitheadlights · 09/05/2019 14:28

It sounds to me as though they wish they could do it too OP. I do but it's not a regular thing for me to have spare money.... I wish I could do it more often

BlueMerchant · 09/05/2019 14:30

None of their business.
If I see something one of my DC will like I usually get it as long as it's not over say £15. I'd do this probably once a month or so, so not every week.(My problem is having to find something for my other child too so they both get a pressie. It gets expensive!)
It's a nice gesture and it's really none of their business. It's not really about the money either. My mum used to always bring me back something small like a colouring book or a bag of sweets if she had been on a shopping trip.

Alsohuman · 09/05/2019 14:30

I buy lots of just because presents for a variety of people. Why not? My mum was a great one for them.

2anddone · 09/05/2019 14:30

I will very occasionally get mine something I think they will like but it's usually clothes or something Disney from primark home! My sister gets hers something every week usually more than once a week and it's started to become expected...makes buying gifts very hard as what I would spend on a birthday gift she spends on a normal Week!

feduuup · 09/05/2019 14:30

No I don't really. I can afford to but if I buy something I will usually give it with a reason like a good report, working hard on a school project etc. Not including clothes and books though, I will buy those as and when, don't see that as gifts.

BiBiBirdie · 09/05/2019 14:31

I buy the odd book or DVD, but mostly from charity shops. My pair don't give a monkeys if it's from there.
I did buy DD a big bar of her favourite Chocolate and a magazine this week, to cheer her up as she got her period and was so upset. I will probably buy DS a little something like a pack of Pokémon cards or a magazine next week as he is doing his year 6 SATs and I want to say well done when he finishes them on Thursday.
Nothing wrong with the odd little pocket money priced gift. My two don't get pocket money so it works out OK by them and us.

WheresAllTheGoodInTheWorld · 09/05/2019 14:32

I do. I used to do it way too often. Almost weekly when ds was small. But it would be things like Thomas die cast trains. He was happy with his few.. I felt he needed to keep adding to the collection. Looking back I was silly. He had loads 80+
Once he was out of toys and stuff I buy clothes, football stuff etc. But not so often he norm has cash wleach time I buy for Dd who's 1, I prob buy things weekly for her, normally books. She loves them or little dolls, bath toys etc.
If it's a tight month I don't. And I don't spend loads. Books r often charity or facebay

shitholiday2018 · 09/05/2019 14:32

I do this. Not toys really but books, magazines, clothes etc. I do wonder if it makes my kids presumptuous about having stuff but alongside a clear message (when appropriate, not with the gift!) that things cost money and to get money you have to work and save and budget, I think it’s fine. If I saw my kids within a sniff of seeming spoilt, id stop.

EssentialHummus · 09/05/2019 14:33

Books - whenever. Other stuff - she's a toddler so doesn't really ask yet, but if I see something small she might like I sometimes buy it. If it was up to her she'd get unlimited bananas and rice cakes!

Drogosnextwife · 09/05/2019 14:33

Only if they ask for it. I very rarely buy them anything if I'm out without them, apart from clothes or shoes. My mum never did and she was really stingey about buying anything whole we were out actually, she would tell me all the time I had to wait and then I would never get it and I wasn't a grabby child, I didn't ask for much just things I really really wanted. Made me quite impulsive as an adult when I became financially independent. I get quite anxious if I think of something I want or need I have to make sure I buy it asap or it plays on my mind and drives me mad if I don't. I'm weird 😂

ememem84 · 09/05/2019 14:33

I do. I also buy dh things “just because”

He’s been moaning about popcorn recently. So I’ve ordered a popcorn machine. nd some corn. It’s not his birthday until August. But why not treat him every now and then?

shitholiday2018 · 09/05/2019 14:33

Mine don’t get pocket money either so that makes me feel it’s more acceptable.

JeantheHipster · 09/05/2019 14:33

Occasionally but it will ordinarily be something cheap (less than £10 and usually from charity shop). But, in comparison to friends/family I buy less for my dd's at xmas/bdays so I suppose it all equals out.

SoyDora · 09/05/2019 14:33

Yes I do. If I see something I know they’d like and appreciate, I will buy it.
I buy clothes and books as and when.
They are not ‘spoilt’ and are always extremely grateful.

UbbesPonytail · 09/05/2019 14:35

I do. Usually books or craft kits to do together. I remember how lovely it was as a child to get a surprise. I think there’s a big difference between a just-because and a child that gets everything they ask for. Dd will ask but she’s slowly learning the value of money and if it’s ‘silly’ things, I tell her it has to come out of her pocket money.

Also, she’s a December baby. Sometimes there’s things she needs at other times of the year, not just winter!