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Original poster

Do you buy your kids presents just because?

208 replies

MonstranceClock · 09/05/2019 14:22

I was out shopping with some friends this morning and picked up a toy and some books from my daughter. I got loads of questions about why I'm buying her presents when her birthday isn't till August, why would I spoil her like that, wish they had money to waste blah blah blah.
Is it really unusual? My parents used bring me back things that they had seen if they knew I would like it. I didn't see any harm in it but they really pissed me off!

OP posts:
SoyDora · 09/05/2019 16:29

This includes large items like bikes and scooters which I would never buy outside of a birthday or Christmas. To be that’s the very definition of spoiling a child

DD1 needs a new bike. Her birthday is in December. I didn’t want to buy one then as I didn’t know what size she’d need by the summer, when she is more likely to need it. I’ll buy her one in the summer. She will be very appreciative Smile.

mindutopia · 09/05/2019 16:31

Sometimes, not on a regular basis though because our house is already overflowing with enough junk that everyone else buys us.

Gingerivy · 09/05/2019 16:32

I do, but it's not quite as straight forward as "buying present just because."

We home educate, and my two dcs have disabilities/special needs. I tend to buy things like books as treats and/or rewards, as well as toys or games that are beneficial for their development, coordination, home ed in some way - even if they don't realise and just look at it as a new toy. They get pocket money each week and are encouraged to save up for some things they want, and they spend some on sweets or other inexpensive items.

I have had a couple comments from acquaintances, but close family and friends understand the situation and why it happens, although they'd never criticise it anyway.

Snufflepiglet · 09/05/2019 16:45

I do. DD has SEN and gets overwhelmed at Christmas and birthdays so we do a very scaled down version. So I do buy little bits and Bob's throughout the year.

Settlersofcatan · 09/05/2019 16:51

Yes, but from what I can tell, we buy a lot less for birthdays and Christmas than others so I figure it balances out.

PamelaX · 09/05/2019 16:52

This includes large items like bikes and scooters which I would never buy outside of a birthday or Christmas. To be that’s the very definition of spoiling a child

judgemental much? Grin
Why do you care so much about others?

I am more than happy to buy a bike for my kids when they need one, and they can make the most of it immediately. It's good for them. I wouldn't restrict the number of clubs they do, or the amount of days out or holidayswe have, or clothes they wear because that's "spoiling them".

Some people spend a fortune on netflix, prime , sky, take away and junk food. I spend a fortune on my kids. Judge away, life is too short, they enjoy their childhood and we work hard enough to "spoil them" and save for their uni/cars/weddings.

I judge people who are too tight and think others are so narrow-minded they can't see past the material stuff.

bridgetreilly · 09/05/2019 16:53

I honestly think most children and teens these days already have more than enough stuff, so no I don't buy extra things just because. If it's something really unusual that they don't already have, or something consumable that doesn't cost much, maybe. But bringing extra things into the house all the time is so unnecessary. They have plenty and more besides.

Beautiful3 · 09/05/2019 17:01

I bought one daughter a set of books last week for no reason, apart from she'll love them! My other daughter just got some garden toys a couple of days ago, just because 'why not?!'

Alsohuman · 09/05/2019 17:06

My husband still remembers his (much older) sister buying him an action man from her first pay cheque just because. If something sticks in your mind for 50 years it can only be a good thing.

SrSteveOskowski · 09/05/2019 17:07

My parents never bought me ANYTHING, and I mean absolutely nothing outside of Christmas and birthdays, and what I got then was never anything big or exciting either.

They were quite well off and only had 2 children, so it wasn't a question of not doing it for financial reasons. They're both still tight and mean to this day.

My aunt was so good to me when I was a child. She lived nearby, wasn't married and had no children of her own. She was good to all (10) of her nieces and nephews, but because I saw her pretty much everyday, we would have been very close.

When I was younger, she used to buy me colouring books and My Little Pony. She bought me Mandy and Judy and Bunty magazine every week. As I got a bit bigger she bought me lots of books, Enid Blyton, Babysitters Club, then as I got older Sweet Valley and Judy Blume, and Just Seventeen magazine ever week.

My mother used to get very abusive towards me telling me that I was 'a spoilt brat' and that 'she was going to 'put a stop to all this'.

To this day (and I'm nearly 40 now) the best Christmas present I ever got (from my aunt of course because Santa was never very obliging) was the A La Carte Kitchen. I can still remember ripping the wrapping off of this huge box and couldn't believe it when I saw what it was. She bought me a proper bike too when I was about 11.

She died suddenly when I was 19. I miss her, and I don't just mean her presents. I miss her as a person and wish I'd gotten the chance to get to know her as an adult.

LetMeFall · 09/05/2019 17:07

I do if I can afford it, usually just little things like another hot wheels car to add to his collection. Occasionally if I go shopping with him (I try to avoid that as its just hard work) then I let him choose something - last time we came home with £50 worth of stuff (£30 was his Christmas money though) we could afford it and it made him happy so why not.

I do the same for myself and DP, if I see something I like/want or think DP would like I buy it if I can afford to and DP is the same, though the last time DP saw something he liked it cost us nearly a grand 😂 - new bed/room furniture. I'm more clothes and gadgets inclined.

LadySainsburySeal · 09/05/2019 17:29

I buy things for my (adult) daughter and post them to her just because. I've currently got a dinosaur cushion waiting for me to send to her as I know she'll laugh her head off when she sees it. Grin

PamelaX · 09/05/2019 17:30

I honestly think most children and teens these days already have more than enough stuff

people say that, but my grand-parents and their own parents seem to have had just as much if what's left today is anything to believe! There might have been less (or no) plastic, but when I see the amount of toys and bits that have survived all these years, their generations were not deprived.

People did suffer during the war, but apart from that, kids had as much stuff.

My own grand-mother fondly remember her dad bringing her a new gift every time he came back from travelling, which was pretty much weekly Grin

PamelaX · 09/05/2019 17:31

SrSteveOskowski
that sounds terribly sad Flowers

SrSteveOskowski · 09/05/2019 17:42

Thank you @PamelaX. If she had lived, I think we'd have gone away on holidays or for weekends together etc. My mother wouldn't spend her money on anything 'frivolous' Hmm
My aunt that passed away was my father's sister. My only other aunt is my mother's sister and they couldn't be more different. She's not particularly well off, but is very generous and will always bring flowers or a cake etc when she calls to see me.

gingerbiscuits · 09/05/2019 17:53

Tell them to get stuffed! You can do what you like with YOUR money & YOUR children! How horrid of them to make snarky comments all day.

I love buying things for my son as & when I see stuff I know he'll like - sometimes it's as a reward for something or sometimes it's just because he's a good kid & always very grateful. I'd tell anyone who made me feel bad about this to fuck right off & mind their own beeswax!!

gingerbiscuits · 09/05/2019 18:00

I've always done this & it clearly hasn't 'spoilt' my son in the slightest - he regularly offers to pay me back, never assumes the stuff is even for him & treated me to lunch the last time we went shopping together!! He's only 12 but totally well balanced & awesome!! 😍

saffy1234 · 09/05/2019 18:05

I do this!
If i see something they will like i will buy it!

irregularegular · 09/05/2019 18:07

people say that, but my grand-parents and their own parents seem to have had just as much if what's left today is anything to believe! There might have been less (or no) plastic, but when I see the amount of toys and bits that have survived all these years, their generations were not deprived.

I'm absolutely sure that isn't true for most people. People have more money. Toys and stuff are relatively much cheaper than they used to be a few decades ago. Books and clothes too. I know he wasn't typical, but my own grandfather only got a Xmas present one year from a neighbour he ran errands for. Gloves I think. Nothing from his parents.

youarenotkiddingme · 09/05/2019 18:14

My ds is also an August birthday. So if I never bought him anything he'd have nothing from dec to nearly end of summer holidays.

It's not often now (as he's 14!) but I'd buy him small Lego sets that compliment bigger sets he'd got for Christmas or a boom to add to a series he may have got if I saw something and knew it would get used. Past few years it's been things like nerf darts or perhaps a board game or card game or maybe a puzzle.

He doesn't stop wanting to read and play games just because it's not his birthday for another few months.

Between his birthday and Christmas I don't tend to buy anything just because.
But I realise my Christmas I've more than I thought!

Aprillygirl · 09/05/2019 18:15

I used to when they were small,but stopped by the time they started school because I would hate any of mine to grow up to be spoilt.

DownStreet · 09/05/2019 18:17

Being generous teaches generosity. Crack on.

youarenotkiddingme · 09/05/2019 18:19

Also agree with above poster that I buy lots of people just because presents.

Recently saw a puzzle my mum would love - so got it.
Have bought my nephew books or stationary or water bottle with his name on because it's a nice gift and why not?
Bought a colleague a packet or her favourite sweets today - ok, she's been down as things going on but it was just because and I knew it would cheer her up.

Material things aren't how I show love but they do show I've thought of somebody when they aren't with me.

BogglesGoggles · 09/05/2019 18:21

Yes. I hate the grabby mentality of lots of present on Christmas/birthdays. We only ever get our children one small gift. If we didn’t buy them books/toys/etc through the year that would have almost nothing to do.

Captaindaddydog · 09/05/2019 18:22

We buy big presents when it's a suitable time to buy them. We don't do large amounts of presents at Christmas and birthdays.