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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Do you buy your kids presents just because?

208 replies

MonstranceClock · 09/05/2019 14:22

I was out shopping with some friends this morning and picked up a toy and some books from my daughter. I got loads of questions about why I'm buying her presents when her birthday isn't till August, why would I spoil her like that, wish they had money to waste blah blah blah.
Is it really unusual? My parents used bring me back things that they had seen if they knew I would like it. I didn't see any harm in it but they really pissed me off!

OP posts:
Sweetbabycheezits · 09/05/2019 15:45

I will always buy them books if they ask outside of birthdays/Christmas. Occasionally, if I spot a little something that they might like, I'll pick it up for them, but nothing over the top. I do the same for DH (and he ALWAYS "steals" hotel toiletries for me when he works away...my favourite thing!😁). It's little things that make us smile, so why not?

LilQueenie · 09/05/2019 15:48

All the time. Its usually collectable toys like lol dolls, trading cards, mini slime pots from poundland etc. If I go to the charity shops (one a week) then I tend to pick up books, any toys dd is into. It make sense because they cost a fortune at times and she would otherwise go without them. I don't see the harm.We still do lot of these activities together.

KatnissMellark · 09/05/2019 15:48

Your friend sounds rude. Spend your money on what you like! DS is still a toddler so developing and tastes changing very quickly. If I see something I think he'd love, I buy it. It gives me and DH pleasure too, to see him enjoying himself. As he gets older and his tastes become more expensive and (hopefully)change more slowly, I'm sure it will become less frequent.

BertrandRussell · 09/05/2019 15:49

I bought my 18 year ds a book today and my 22 year old dd some earrings and posted them. I knew they would like them and they didn’t cost much. Just a “thinking about you” thing.

Kaykay06 · 09/05/2019 15:50

No, unless they have pocket money/Holiday cash then toys etc are limited to Christmas and birthdays.

I do buy books and clothes during the year.
But I have 4 kids and yes I could buy them stuff but they really don’t need it, they get Plenty at Christmas etc I can afford it, I also don’t want them asking for toys when we are out, older 2 don’t buy youngest might not understand. I don’t care what other families do though, this just works for me and mine. And buying stuff works for others that’s cool, your friends should’ve kept their opinions to themselves

ZippyBungleandGeorge · 09/05/2019 15:52

I already do and DS is only five months..... I think there need to be fine limits and like PPs wouldn't give into regular I want type demands.
DM and DF are currently in Chicago and DM has just messaged a picture of a gorgeous leather handbag that I thought she'd bought for herself but it's for me, she saw it and knew I'd love it, it's not my birthday!

Springwalk · 09/05/2019 15:54

I don’t, I really don’t want to spoil them, and they have enough of everything as it is.
I do buy the odd thing as a surprise if they are having a bad time, trying extra hard to revise etc or some other very rare reason.
I wouldn’t dream of questioning a friend who did though. She was telling you in a round about way that she really doesn’t agree with your choice to do this.

PamelaX · 09/05/2019 15:56

books are as essential as any grocery shop, so we get them all the time. They also receive some for birthdays and Christmas, but I don't even consider them as real gift.

Presents just because? yes, quite a lot as well.
I just make sure my kids don't get something every time they ask, "just because", I feel mine would get spoil if they did. Things I see, or things they ask for little occasions, they get plenty.
They are only kids once, they appreciate and use everything, we can afford it at the moment, why wouldn't we?

Your friends must have a really depressing life if they think buying presents is a waste of money!

Lovemusic33 · 09/05/2019 15:56

I don’t but probably did when they were tiny, now our house is overflowing with things ‘I thought they might like’ so I only buy for birthdays and Christmas.

MissPollyHadADolly19 · 09/05/2019 15:56

If it's plastic tat then strictly birthdays.
Clothes, books, educational or if it's something DD has wanted for a while and it's on offer then maybe. She's also a December baby so as PP said somethings can't wait for winter!
I have family who buy my DD random crap throughout the year, drives me barmy but it usually stays at there house for when she visits so I don't mind too much!

missperegrinespeculiar · 09/05/2019 15:57

Yes, we do, quite frequently actually. But they know that "just because" presents can only be small things.

DCs have never nagged for things, always accept it if we say no, and are developing a good sense of the value of money, so we feel we can do it with no adverse effect. We would stop if we saw signs that it was turning into a problem.

Books are a different story, the rule in our house is that we cannot say no to books unless there is a good reason (for example, the book is inappropriate, it is overpriced, or they have too many books they have not finished at the time)

RogueV · 09/05/2019 15:57

Yes all the time!!

LadyRannaldini · 09/05/2019 15:59

I'm old enough to not understand why people are so invested in other people's lives! It would never occur to me to cross-examine someone about their shopping, whatever it was, unless my opinion was canvassed.

lateSeptember1964 · 09/05/2019 16:00

Mine are all grown now but I still pick up little things I think one of them may like. Today it was a candle for my daughter in law and a multipack of Tato crisps for my son. My mum still does it for me.

BuggerOffAndGoodDayToYou · 09/05/2019 16:00

Yes I do buy my DCs gifts “just because”. Usually books for DS and books or nice study “stuff” for Uni DD.

I can so I do.

irregularegular · 09/05/2019 16:05

Not I've never really done this. Obviously I have always bought them clothes they need, but rarely books and almost never toys. Books can come from the library.

I could very easily afford it, but I don't like to buy too much stuff for all sorts of reasons. They always had enough. More than.

chocolategivesmehives · 09/05/2019 16:09

No, not really. They had too much stuff when younger, so DH and I didn’t feel the need to add to the piles of plastic tat. Books from the library, occasionally from charity shop, weekly sweeties and presents on birthdays and Christmas. We had lots of days out instead, and good savings accounts. I know it sounds a bit preachy, but I’d far rather stick £5 a week in a savings account for a big ticket item (bike, sports stuff etc) than fritter it on stuff that didn’t get played with and was a waste. DSis tried to add up £’s spent on Pokemon cards and beanie babies etc and was horrified Grin.

IHaveNoIdeaReally · 09/05/2019 16:11

Your friends sound really bitchy.

Iwantacookie · 09/05/2019 16:12

Clothes wise yes. Toys no way.
I struggle to come up with enough to buy them at birthdays and Christmas.
We have days out and all kids do outside activities and if were out well pop in somewhere for a coffee and cake so that soon adds up to the price of a toy.

Worlds0kayestmum · 09/05/2019 16:15

Yes I do. Nothing huge, usually LOL related and only once a month or so. I love hearing her little excited squeal when she comes home from school and finds something on her pillow. I also buy a back to school gift in September for when she gets home from her first day

bestofme · 09/05/2019 16:15

I used to do this and still do ..... my son is 17!! It's never anything expensive, under £5, and he's a well balanced young person. It doesn't matter what age you are, we all appreciate a treat and it's nice to know that someone is thinking of you.

SkintAsASkintThing · 09/05/2019 16:15

I do.

My ds is always ridiculously grateful tho.........hell I bought him a tub of freedom, hot chocolate yesterday and got a thanks mum. Then a while later he bumbled in and says I don't just like it, I love it. And gave me a hug.

Bloody love that kid.

ConstantGravy · 09/05/2019 16:15

I do for DS(12) just little things like a magazine, or sweets he likes. He gets pocket money for doing jobs so he saves that for bigger stuff and it's his to spend freely on whatever shite he wants.

If he sees clothing he likes when out I will buy him a few bits. We don't go in for designer stuff, but he likes Next and GAP and they have good sales. I always want him to look smart and encourage that by involving him in buying his clothes.

I've always said to him i will buy him a book whenever he wants one. He is not a great reader so it's not often, and I'm usually overjoyed when he asks! If he devoured books like me we'd have to make more use of the library!

Funnily enough I dont spend as much on him for birthday or Christmas as some people. Some families I know go overboard on a pile of expensive presents. I get him exactly what he wants and the family divvies up the rest of his list amongst themselves.

My DM still buys stuff for me and DSis like this. "Spoiling" a child is buying them stuff when they demand, or to prevent a tantrum. Buying an unexpected gift no matter how small just because teaches kindness and to think of others. My favourite gifts from my ex were when he popped out for milk and came home with a chocolate bar and a magazine for me as well. Grin

SkintAsASkintThing · 09/05/2019 16:16

Freddos hot chocolate. Not freedom Grin

Willowkoko · 09/05/2019 16:22

I do.. DD is 4 and her birthday is very close after Christmas and with the amount she gets for Christmas, we spend very little on her birthday because she has everything she needs and more. So I don’t feel guilty buying her things throughout the year, I’m guilty of spending a lot of money on her clothes but that’s for me more than for her.