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Original poster

Absolutely lost it

167 replies

6079SmithW · 07/05/2019 10:00

More of WWYD ..

I absolutely lost it with the DC this morning.
They have a school trip today and were told last night to choose clothes etc ready.
We all got up early this morning so I ironed the clothes they had chosen, they got breakfast.. so far so good.
They start to get dressed and all hell breaks loose. DD1 (9) catches her t shirt in the zip of her hoodie and puts a small hole in it. I told her to just wear it anyway but she starts screaming and shouting that she can't/won't. Meanwhile DD2 (8) has decided that the t shirt she chose has too wide a neck (it's too loose) and she can't possibly wear it either (despite having worn it on several other occasions).
Nothing in their wardrobe is suitable for either of them apparently (🙄) and I'm completely unreasonable because I won't start ironing other stuff or let them wear un-ironed clothes.
I was very aware that time was ticking and was telling them just choose something we're going to be late/you're going to miss the trip etc. Then from nowhere I just lost it and shouted "I'm going to fucking kill you both". I was horrified. Obviously I apologised to them immediately and assured them I'd never hurt them.
I don't know what to do now. Do I just carry on as though it didn't happen? Should I discuss it with them again and make sure they're ok? Will they be frightened of me now? I'm scared I have damaged our relationship.

OP posts:
Gobbolinothewitchscat · 07/05/2019 10:06

I know there are loads of posters who will probably post that you are a terrible parent and will have psychologically damaged them. However, I don't think you will. I have 3 aged 6 and under. I have always managed to restrain myself but there have been times I have been very close to swearing. I find behaviour like this more irritating the older the child as yours were old enough to understand you need to get to school on time to actually go on the trip. I would apologise once again but I would also explain that their behaviour was unacceptable and you expect an apology from them. You are a human being and everyone has limits

NuffSaidSam · 07/05/2019 10:08

'or let them wear un-ironed clothes'

This is ridiculous. Maybe look at your own behaviour when you wonder why your DC are worrying re. small holes and wide necks!! They're learning that from you. If it's fine to go with a hole in your shirt, it's fine to go with creases.

Re. the shouting, you need to apologise and explain that you lost your temper and you shouldn't have done. I'm sure there is no long term damage done though if it's a one off and you apologised straight away.

You should probably also look at why you lost your temper so badly. Address the cause.

Propertywoes · 07/05/2019 10:09

You should have just let them go with unironed clothes.

Brefugee · 07/05/2019 10:09

oh dear, that must feel awful.
What you might want to do is sit down with them and explain that when they pull stunts like that it makes them late, that causes you stress. Also being late is rude. And apologise for the words you used, but not for getting cross.

And that next time they either miss the trip or they go as they are dressed when it is time to leave.

But in your shoes, i'd have dressed them in something unironed and sent them on their merry way.

HomeMadeMadness · 07/05/2019 10:09

I think you just learn from it and let it go maybe next time you'll notice when you're about to lose it and leave the room. It's not ideal but nobody's perfect you apologised and no harm was done. If this was happening five times a day it would be unhealthy - occasionally and apologising afterwards no harm is done.

Pipandmum · 07/05/2019 10:10

Goodness I’ve said that and worse! Carry on you are doing fine!

Notjudesmum · 07/05/2019 10:10

You’re not the first and you won’t be the last OP! My DC have me tearing my hair out most mornings and at times I’ve been close to saying the same! Just reassure them when they get home that you love them and would obviously never, ever hurt them. Hopefully they’ll also apologise for their behaviour too. Try not to feel too bad. It happens to the best of us. Hugs x

Myheartbelongsto · 07/05/2019 10:12

I have also said worse op so don’t worry.

I’d ignore the poster that said look to your own behaviour....... what a load of tosh.

gamerchick · 07/05/2019 10:13

Meh I would have told them if they're going to mess about they would be taken to school late and made to sit in another class for the day, missing the trip.

Don't worry about losing it, you'll think about it far longer than they will.

bibbitybobbityyhat · 07/05/2019 10:16

Yes, I would apologise to them again this evening. That's a terrible thing to say (even if we've all done it!). Also you might apologise to them for not letting them wear unironed clothes. As they say - pick your battles.

Branleuse · 07/05/2019 10:17

theyll be fine, as long as you didnt actually kill them.
We are kind of in an impossible situation if we need to both make children do the things we need them to do, behave well enough to not irritate them, whilst never raising our voices or making them feel bad

Ohyesiam · 07/05/2019 10:18

When i lose it with my kids I apologise later( even if I do it in the moment), I explain what was going on for me, but make sure that I’m not excusing it.
So I could say I was really overwhelmed and stressed, but that I was wrong and shouldn’t have said it/ shouted/ whatever. And that I’m going to try not to do it again. And I do things to Work on my stress like meditation.

It’s ok for your kids to see you as flawed and human, but it feels really important to address it.

You’re not alone op, we all fuck up.

To make your stress levels better it’s probably ok for them to wear Un-ironed clothes., but I line dry so things can end up looking ok, not sure what it’s like if you tumble dry,

Best of luck with this parenting/ life malarkey Grin

Hollowvictory · 07/05/2019 10:19

Do not beat yourself up about this. I know how it feels when you're trying to get out the house, coach fir school trip leaves at specific time so you can't be late and kids won't be flexible about wearing a tip with tiny hole in.
We've all been there. 💐💐💐
I would though get clothes ready night before, adding ironing to the morning is another stress.

Ohyesiam · 07/05/2019 10:20

Oh and you can ask them not to tantrum over small things. They played their part on upping the stress, you’re not a saint who is supposed to not react to anything.

lifetothefull · 07/05/2019 10:23

why won't you let them wear un ironed clothes?

Original poster
6079SmithW · 07/05/2019 10:24

Thank you for your comments.

I do feel awful. I will apologise again when they get home, but explain the importance of getting ready on time.

As many of you have said to let them wear un-ironed clothes perhaps I am too fussy about their appearance and they are picking that up from me.

Despite coming from an affluent area, my family was very low income when I was growing up. All our clothes were from jumble sales or charity shops and I was teased mercilessly about what I wore. I try to make sure that will never happen to my girls, but I'm probably (unknowingly) over doing it

OP posts:
Gobbolinothewitchscat · 07/05/2019 10:25

You're clearly trying your best for them and have insight into your own behaviour. That makes you a pretty good parent in my book.

scaryteacher · 07/05/2019 10:26

Having been the Mum who stuffed ds in the car in his pjs and delivered him to school still in them (he then decided to get into his uniform in the back of the car), I understand your irritation. Sometimes, it does kids good to see that you do not have 'doormat' stamped on your forehead. They need to learn that when you say get sorted the night before you mean it.

scaryteacher · 07/05/2019 10:27

Meant to add, ds is now 23 and doesn't have any mental trauma from being spoken to very loudly when he was dawdling and making us late, or from being taken to school in pjs!

ittakes2 · 07/05/2019 10:28

You made a mistake and apologised to them at the time so I would leave it.
But you do need to consider why you are OK about your daughter wearing a shirt with a rip in it but not an unironed shirt. If she was wearing a hoody the shirt would have gotten creased anyway!

mcmooberry · 07/05/2019 10:29

Ah don't worry, I hate being late and this situation you describe would've sent me bananas!

barryfromclareisfit · 07/05/2019 10:29

When they get back, sit them down and ... give them a calm, firm telling-off for causing such a fuss. Tell them that in future if they are going out they must try on outfits two days before, so that there is no fuss on the day. They will be doing all their own ironing in future, ahead of time instead of on the day they need the clothes (for horrified MNers, I was ironing from age 3, they can do it). From now on, if their expectations cause you extra work or stress, call them on it and put the responsibility back on them.

FenellaMaxwell · 07/05/2019 10:30

I don’t get how letting it get to the point you are screaming “I’m going to fucking kill you both” at them is better for them or you in any way than just letting them wear an unironned t shirt.

PeachesAndMayo · 07/05/2019 10:31

You press their T shirts for a school trip? Talk about making work for yourself. De-stress your life and let their clothes be less than immaculate now and again. You'll all benefit from the ease in tension.

NCforthis2019 · 07/05/2019 10:31

You’re being ridiculous in not letting them use un-ironed clothes

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