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AIBU?

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Original poster

Absolutely lost it

167 replies

6079SmithW · 07/05/2019 10:00

More of WWYD ..

I absolutely lost it with the DC this morning.
They have a school trip today and were told last night to choose clothes etc ready.
We all got up early this morning so I ironed the clothes they had chosen, they got breakfast.. so far so good.
They start to get dressed and all hell breaks loose. DD1 (9) catches her t shirt in the zip of her hoodie and puts a small hole in it. I told her to just wear it anyway but she starts screaming and shouting that she can't/won't. Meanwhile DD2 (8) has decided that the t shirt she chose has too wide a neck (it's too loose) and she can't possibly wear it either (despite having worn it on several other occasions).
Nothing in their wardrobe is suitable for either of them apparently (🙄) and I'm completely unreasonable because I won't start ironing other stuff or let them wear un-ironed clothes.
I was very aware that time was ticking and was telling them just choose something we're going to be late/you're going to miss the trip etc. Then from nowhere I just lost it and shouted "I'm going to fucking kill you both". I was horrified. Obviously I apologised to them immediately and assured them I'd never hurt them.
I don't know what to do now. Do I just carry on as though it didn't happen? Should I discuss it with them again and make sure they're ok? Will they be frightened of me now? I'm scared I have damaged our relationship.

OP posts:
HomeMadeMadness · 07/05/2019 12:59

The issue is that like all kids they know what buttons to push and have wound you up to say what you said

No offence but that's utter bollocks. I very much doubt the kids were deliberately winding OP up. They were probably flustered about what to wear and already a bit highly strung because they were going on a school trip and being kids were only thinking of themselves and their concerns and not their mum because that's what kids do.

gamerchick · 07/05/2019 12:59

don't think anyone apart from me and a couple of others have said it was pretty awful

My point right there. Coz maybe it's that shit happens and it isn't that big a deal in the grand scheme of things. Apologies have been had, more on the way. what more would you like? Why don't you give some tips for a stress free morning instead

Maybe it's what YOU want and you are projecting?

Brilliant Grin

Moralitym1n1 · 07/05/2019 13:00

Then from nowhere I just lost it and shouted "I'm going to fucking kill you both". I was horrified. Obviously I apologised to them immediately and assured them I'd never hurt them.

You just gave me the biggest belly laugh. I've only been parenting for 19 months and this is so relatable already.

Hopefully it'll make them wise up a bit (doubt it though).

EerieSilence · 07/05/2019 13:01

Why do you want to apologise again? You apologised already.
TBH, you sound more like a servant than a mother. Heaven would freeze over before I iron DD's shirts or anything else as it's going to look like a cow chewed through it soon anyway.
Accidents happen and children can make a hole in their clothes but if DD objected that I am not willing to iron or make another shirt "nice" again, I'd probably tell her in very uncertain terms what I think of it.
You're their mother, not their maid. If they want to have it ironed, they should do it themselves. You're not the only one who has ever promised murder to their children without even considering acting on it.

mrsmuddlepies · 07/05/2019 13:02

I shouted but I don't think I ever swore at my children. However, it is obvious from the responses that it is not an uncommon reaction from lots of posters. I can't help wondering how posters would respond to an allegation that a father had said that to his children. I think most posters would describe a man who said this as verbally abusive.

EerieSilence · 07/05/2019 13:04

I can't help wondering how posters would respond to an allegation that a father had said that to his children. I think most posters would describe a man who said this as verbally abusive.

Sorry, but this really made me laugh. No, I wouldn't and yes, we had it already.

Drogosnextwife · 07/05/2019 13:06

My parents used to tell me I would get a hiding if I didn't behave, I knew I wouldn't. It hasn't scarred me for life.

FleurNancy · 07/05/2019 13:10

I can't think of the last time I felt the need to iron any of my children's clothes. That said, mine drive me batshit in the morning when we are trying to leave the house so I do feel your pain. If I'd shouted that mine would have pulled faces, laughed and did what they were told. They certainly wouldn't be scarred for life or worried I'm going to kill them in their sleep. I do think you're projecting your own high standards on them and causing confusion though. A small hole is ok but non-ironed isn't? No logic there, especially for a child.

mrsmuddlepies · 07/05/2019 13:12

I was place marking. Sorry if the point had already been made.

Seeleyboo · 07/05/2019 13:14

Christ I've said way worse. My older three 25, 21 and 20 are loving and gentle grown ups who often laugh about these incidents together. The poster who is playing the part of being the earth mother is tosh. Ignore them. Your kids will be fine and sod apologising. They need to know they do as you say and not scream in your face for this and that.

Singlenotsingle · 07/05/2019 13:16

My ddil never irons anything! Quite right too! You should go through your daily routine, and work out everything you need to stop doing. To make your life easier and reduce the stress levels! And yes, it might be time to start teaching the girls how to do stuff for themselves, rather than you doing it all!

mrsmuddlepies · 07/05/2019 13:18

I also wonder how posters who say it is absolutely understandable for a mother to say to her children,
I'm going to fucking kill you both'
would feel if her husband said that to her?

Nanamilly · 07/05/2019 13:19

Op, I wouldn’t be apologizing again and I’d still carry on ironing clothes.

eastertulip · 07/05/2019 13:19

I very, very rarely yell at my children. My youngest son was terrible when learning to ride a bike. He is a very nervous person and it took years for him to get comfortable on a bike. Once I was following him on my bike and he was going so slow I could barely keep my balance (he must have been about 9). He started coasting on a flat and I lost it and told him to "pedal his fucking bike."

Many years later this is still a source of great merriment for him. He trots it out all the time. It did no harm at all. The kids happily curate a list of all the really inappropriate things I have said over the years.

We're all just human. Mornings are rough, and non-uniform days are the worst.

EerieSilence · 07/05/2019 13:23

@mrsmuddlepies, if someone tells you yep and the retort was swift and stingy, will you come up with more and more relatives or does it stop at the core family unit?

EerieSilence · 07/05/2019 13:27

@mrsmuddlepies, btw. I also said something similar to my two cats - more than once.
None of them seems traumatised by the threat and they are still very much alive and doing the psycho thing cats normally do to make our lives more interesting.

mrsmuddlepies · 07/05/2019 13:29

TBH, the same issue about self control also applies to teachers who have 30 children to look after.
I have worked with someone who said the same thing (without the threat to kill) to a class and he was not allowed to return.
It isn't acceptable at work or at home to shout
I'm going to fucking kill you, particularly to vulnerable children.

waterlego · 07/05/2019 13:33

I sometimes lost it in similar ways when my DCs were younger. Parenting small people is relentless and largely thankless. Being the person who has to organise absolutely everything (and who gets blamed when things go awry) wears very, very, very thin.

In your situation, I’d have let them wear unironed clothes (I don’t iron anyway 😬) but you have my sympathies for the situation in general. 💐

Gth1234 · 07/05/2019 13:38

It's probably a bit late now. Just withdraw them from the school trip.
Don't bluff.

EerieSilence · 07/05/2019 13:39

@mrsmuddlepies, there's a difference of saying something like that in a safe environment where the children actually know that the mother wouldn't act on it and it's all just anger.
I would never physically hurt my DD but she already had the "I'll slap your butt" threat when I was really angry.
She knows we would never touch her so that it hurts so she's very safe in thinking that would never happen. Not even going into killing.
It's different when a teacher says that to 30 children of someone else because despite being in one school, they're essentially strangers.

mrsmuddlepies · 07/05/2019 13:42

Just out of interest,those who think it is understandable in a domestic situation to say
I'm going to fucking kill you both
How would you feel about a carer in a care home saying this to a vulnerable adult or to a teacher or nursery assistant to a group of children?
Or is it only acceptable for a mother to verbally abuse young children?

mrsmuddlepies · 07/05/2019 13:44

@EerieSilence,
How would you feel if your children's father said this to them, or their grandmother?

EerieSilence · 07/05/2019 13:46

How would you feel about a carer in a care home saying this to a vulnerable adult or to a teacher or nursery assistant to a group of children?

I sniff a beginning of a Daily Mail article.

mrsmuddlepies · 07/05/2019 13:46

Even if their grandmother claimed it is it's all just anger and I wasn't really going to kill them. Would you be so understanding?
What about a child minder? Still acceptable?

mrsmuddlepies · 07/05/2019 13:48

Sorry, EerieSilence,
are you accusing me of being a journalist or a troll?

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