Absolutely lost it

[6079SmithW]

More of WWYD ..

I absolutely lost it with the DC this morning.
They have a school trip today and were told last night to choose clothes etc ready.
We all got up early this morning so I ironed the clothes they had chosen, they got breakfast.. so far so good.
They start to get dressed and all hell breaks loose. DD1 (9) catches her t shirt in the zip of her hoodie and puts a small hole in it. I told her to just wear it anyway but she starts screaming and shouting that she can't/won't. Meanwhile DD2 (8) has decided that the t shirt she chose has too wide a neck (it's too loose) and she can't possibly wear it either (despite having worn it on several other occasions).
Nothing in their wardrobe is suitable for either of them apparently (🙄) and I'm completely unreasonable because I won't start ironing other stuff or let them wear un-ironed clothes.
I was very aware that time was ticking and was telling them just choose something we're going to be late/you're going to miss the trip etc. Then from nowhere I just lost it and shouted "I'm going to fucking kill you both". I was horrified. Obviously I apologised to them immediately and assured them I'd never hurt them.
I don't know what to do now. Do I just carry on as though it didn't happen? Should I discuss it with them again and make sure they're ok? Will they be frightened of me now? I'm scared I have damaged our relationship.

I rarely iron. I think it's a total waste of time and I would've just let them wear un-ironed clothes - no big deal! It's only a school trip and it's about what they feel comfortable in.

Back to your question, we all lose our temper sometimes. Just learn from it, move on and give them lots of cuddles when they get home.

I don't think this was down to the DC either. How could they win here - the clothes were damaged/didn't fit but you wouldn't let them wear other stuff they wanted to because of your own standards. 8 & 9 is still pretty young to me, I understand school trips are stressful to prepare for but I've honestly never said anything like that ("I'm going to fucking kill you both") to my own child. That's not me claiming perfect parenting, just me saying that your reaction was completely over the top - it was just two t-shirts. They could have worn unironed ones.

Yes, we have mornings that are stressful and can get shouty. If I'd said that to my own DD she would have been incredibly upset, what did your own DD's do? What did they wear in the end?

Blimey - I don't iron any of my kids' clothes (except the odd skirt of DD's). They most certainly don't look scruffy. To be honest, I'm kind of horrified that any parent would be bothered to iron all their kids' clothes. I can think of a billion things I'd rather do with my time.

And I would never make them pick out clothes for a trip the night before either. That's madness. Why on earth should kids that age be concerned about what they're wearing? By putting such a big emphasis on it all, I think you're making them care too much about something that really shouldn't be an issue. FWIW, my kids (aged 9-3) don't have a school uniform, and they each put about 3 seconds thought into what they're going to wear each day. No-one cares who wears what.

Why can’t they wear unironed clothes? It’s their choice either wear something in the drawer or unironed

Obviously stop ironing.

If the kids are that fussed about their clothes they need to pick them out the night before. Make them accountable.

Lastlty, dont sweat about losing your temper. It's fine. They'll survive.

threatening to kill your kids because you can't iron their clothes is fairly extreme tbh. You need to think long and hard about this.

It always really worries me when I read threads like this - when I think what my parents were like with me, in theory I shouldn’t be in contact with them and reported them for abuse (talking 80’s here but no excuse). OP you shouted at them and now feel awful - I would say both very normal reactions: we’re parents not superhuman! You’ll talk to them and say of course you didn’t mean it but they really should’ve helped a bit more - job done x

conferencepear I agree that is all tied up with the fact there is no need to be perfect and its that she should be explaining to her children - all of these things are ok sometimes because no one is perfect

Oh Blimey OP. They will be absolutely fine so don't beat yourself up. I'd be more worried about it being repeated back to granny at some point in the future

And I would never make them pick out clothes for a trip the night before either. That's madness.

The reason is generally to save time in the morning and so you don't, for example, find that the "must wear" top is still damp or buried at the bottom of the wardrobe. Since my DC have 7, we've had a "I can't sort out last minute clothes issues, you should have told me about this last night) rule. Doesn't work so well if you're factoring in, ironing the clothes in the morning though.

Wow, what the hell did the posters who've 'said worse' say?!?

FWIW OP, I think it's a bloody awful thing to say, no excuses. Totally different to some of the natural consequences mentioned by others, like driving to school in pyjamas IMO. At least you've recognised it and can do something about it. It is bloody hard when DC are being slow/uncooperative/totally unreasonable but saying you're going to kill them both is way over the line.

They stressed you out. You lost it. You apologised.

You say you are going to apologise again- and I'd say use that second apology to discuss the matter. How they stressed you out. How you work hard to organise them and look after them. How important it is to be sorted and punctual in the mornings. And how you were absolutely entitled to shout out, even if what you said was spectacularly inappropriate. But yes- sincere apology and reassurances required.

TBH it made me laugh quite a lot- OUT OF EMPATHY. It was just so unexpected as I was reading your post. If handled correctly, it may turn out to be a family anecdote: Remember the time mum lost it over the school trip T-shirts...

You are human. Your DCs need to know you have feelings / problems/ limits - you're not just some martyr absorbing all the daily shit.
Best wishes.

Love the fact that the majority of posters are now arguing over ironing rather than the fact that the OP said she wanted to kill her kids. To her kids.

Yes OP we've all had shouty moments but I think what you said was pretty horrible.

I dragged my son out the house in his pants once literally his sister peeled his fingers off the doorframe took him all the way to the beach in his pants because he wouldn't get dressed as he is anxious about routine he hasn't gone that far again thankfully

Love the fact that the majority of posters are now arguing over ironing rather than the fact that the OP said she wanted to kill her kids. To her kids

You mean you want to feel like a perfect parent by joining in a roasting some mother online who reached the end of her tether?

We've all had a screaming fuxache moment. Being told what a shit mother you are repeatedly doesn't help. Tips to not reaching that point again does.

Wow, what the hell did the posters who've 'said worse' say?!

I have no idea, but I bet if this thread was about a man who'd said that to a woman the advice would be more along the lines of LTB.

No I don't want to feel like a perfect parent, but as a child who had that shouted at them a few times there is no way I am going to minimise it either.

There is nothing wrong with you ironing clothes ! in fact I wouldnt leave the house with unironed clothes . That isnt the issue
The issue is that like all kids they know what buttons to push and have wound you up to say what you said , and its no different to how millions of other parents have reacted under similar pressure ( the only perefect parents in the world live on mumsnet btw )
I wouldnt apologise for it, in fact they should be apologising to you !
I would say you shoud have not let them go on the trip , but in reality I would have been running round after them too
Thats the problem , we pander too much to these little gods

There is nothing wrong with you ironing clothes ! in fact I wouldnt leave the house with unironed clothes . That isnt the issue
The issue is that like all kids they know what buttons to push and have wound you up to say what you said , and its no different to how millions of other parents have reacted under similar pressure ( the only perefect parents in the world live on mumsnet btw )
I wouldnt apologise for it, in fact they should be apologising to you !
I would say you shoud have not let them go on the trip , but in reality I would have been running round after them too
Thats the problem , we pander too much to these little gods

Jesus Christ. Yes, its their fault make them apologise OP

I have to admit that I don't condone saying that to your children but on the other hand I am laughing a little too hard about what you did, sometimes stuff just slips out of your mouth that you fully intended to never let slip out...............whoopsie daisy.

Personally if they had genuine reasons (and I can kinda sympathise with the loose necked shirt and the ripped jacket) I would have just let them wear unironed clothes. To be honest I never actually iron my kids clothes anyway. I would have said 'right, you have 5 minutes to pick something you want to wear, choose wisely because you wont get another chance to change them' then held them to that and hoped that it calmed everyone down.

Actually found that quite funny OP. I told my DS's if they didn't stop moaning and get ready to leave for our day out I was going to strangle them, they just laughed at me, they must have thought I was joking .

No I don't want to feel like a perfect parent, but as a child who had that shouted at them a few times there is no way I am going to minimise it either

No, what you want is every poster tearing the OP to pieces and are disappointed that they arent. Why would you want that?

What a strange thing to think gamerchick. There are lots of posts here saying what the OP said was funny, I don't think anyone apart from me and a couple of others have said it was pretty awful. Hardly tearing her apart. Maybe it's what YOU want and you are projecting?

For what its worth OP tatty clothes on kids these days is more a sign of affluence than anything 🤷