To not let him blow out the candles on the birthday cake?

[TommeeTippedOver]

NC for this.

It was DD's first birthday at the weekend. We had a little party at home, just family and a few friends. I make cakes as a hobby, and can spend quite a lot of time doing the decorations, so I really went to town on DD's cake.

Our nephew is four. We have quite a lot of nephews and nieces, so quite a lot of birthday parties to go to, and at every one, since nephew was about two, he has demanded to be allowed to blow out the birthday child's candles. This results in him screaming and stamping as Happy Birthday is sung, then SIL will appear with a lighter to relight the cake and allow DN to blow them out again. This is usually accompanied by DN grabbing the cake, fingers in icing, being allowed to pull odd fondant decorations, and blowing so hard that spit flies all over the cake, because he's four and that's what they do. This is where I may be unreasonable - other people's spit really, really turns my stomach. I can deal with anything else, blood, poo, and vomit but I can't abide spit, to the point where I have started gagging after seeing someone spit in the street. So I accept this may be my issue.

DD's birthday was really more of an adult family get together, as most first birthdays are,so as well as serving it to other adults, I wanted to have some of the cake myself. DD, being a baby, didn't really "blow out" her candle, I "helped" her, and then whisked it off to the kitchen, pretending I didn't hear DN complaining about not getting to blow it out.

SIL then came in and asked could she have the cake, as she wanted to light it and then let DN blow it out. I said no, sorry, I'm just in the middle of cutting it up. SIL started to hover and look over my shoulder, and said "but he always blows out the cake". I said "well I'm sure he won't mind missing out this once". Sil stormed off and spent the rest of the time glaring at me.

She stomped off in a huff at the end of the day. DH says I should have just let DN blow out the candle, but went silent after I pointed out that if every non birthday child at a party insisted on blowing candles out, you'd have to add an extra hour to every party. Plus I didn't want my cake absolutely decimated before serving it to anybody.

I probably am being precious and am going to get flamed, but was I really mean?

@Chemita 😮😮😮😮

That mother was a CF. I hope you don't invite her DC ever again to a party. She'd be banned from my house and gossiped about hissingly between the other parents who'd witnessed it.
Gosh that was outrageous!! Why do people forget their manners sometimes? Or not teach their DC manners. You can see where both her DC got it from. 🤐🤐🤐😮😮😮

That was a couple of years ago and there have been many incidents with this children since. They have been banned from another friend’s house and have recently been banned from mine. I should have done after the party incident but the mum only lived down the road and we’d help out with school runs etc. I’ve moved away now though, and so having them over would be a longer event with much more potential for cheeky fuckery and total lack of respect from the kids. I could go on and on about this situation as her lack of parenting is astonishing but to sum it up, she is literally a slave to her children and there’s still a few years yet before they become teenagers.

The OP’s sil needs to take charge now. Children with no boundaries grow up to be entitled, over sized toddlers!