To ask if you would have a baby at 38?

[quietmoon]

I am 38 years old. In a long term stable relationship. I have a 20 year old DS at university. My partner wants a baby next year and whilst I am not against it and do worry that I'll regret it if I don't. I'm also knackered and just want a quiet, somewhat carefree, responsibilty free future to do whatever the heck I like.

Would you start again at 38?

First one at 36, second at 39 (currently 6 months old) is have another tomorrow :)

@Quietmoon I've read your thread, maybe you should trust your own gut feeling on this? Draw your own line in the sand & see how things evolve...
I had my first and second DD's at 37 & 40, I'm now in my mid 40s, I love my girls to bits but it is also very tiring!
I wish you all the very best, hugs xx

I have an 18, 17 and 14 year old and 9 weeks ago had a new baby and I'm 38. He wasn't planned but it happened so had to deal with it and in all honesty I'm enjoying it so much more than when I was in my twenties. I'm much more patient, much more financially stable and have plenty of help at home. The only thing that plays on my mind about having a child this late is that I won't be around for him as long as I will for my others but I'm comforted that he will have his older siblings once I'm gone which hopefully wont be till he's at least middle aged!
If you had asked me a year ago If I would have more children I would of definitely told you I was too old but now I can't imagine not having him here

If I hadn't yet had children, quite possibly. But I'm already looking forward to luxuriating in the days when my children have left home. You must have had your first at 18 so why would you want to go back to the start and have another one now? It would be different if you'd had years of freedom before having a child. In certain ways, you probably missed out on the kinds of things many people enjoy doing in their 20s. You should have your time now.

Definitely :)

I felt sorry for Tana Ramsay. I know nothing about her but my overriding feeling was oh no!

I had two adult children and was planning my eldest DS 21st birthday party when I found out that I was pregnant - I was 44 years old! I had been with my partner for 7 years (I have 2 adult children from my 1st marriage) - after much discussion we decided to go ahead with the pregnancy. We were lucky enough to have a healthy little DS. Fast forward to today - I am now 55 years old my relationship broke up when my little DS was 3 years old so I am a single parent - I have a DS just hitting puberty and I am 3 years into the menopause. When having discussions about the pregnancy I wasn’t even thinking that far ahead - I defiantly wasn’t thinking about me hitting the menopause and the possibilities of the impact on my little DS. For me personally it’s a struggle and not really because of the single parent bit - ( I bought my two adult children up as a single parent as my marriage broke up when they were in primary school! ) it’s the fact that I don’t have any friends in my situation, they all have grandchildren. All the mums at the school are way younger than me - I feel very much out on my own! Thank goodness I have an amazing family round me and my 2 adult children are wonderful with their little brother and love him to pieces. Even though I was blessed to have another child - I am not sure that I would make the same decision again.

Had one age 23, then 25, then 44. It was ok because he was basically an only child. The other two being at uni. OH was not keen when we found out. Before the pill a lot of women had babies later in life. Nowadays they don`t even start before mid thirties.

My DGM had 6. its at 20, last at 40 and that was in the early 60s!

Yes—kids are knackering at any age, but clearly worth it or the human race would have died out long ago.

I did. Love it and don’t regret. However would have had them younger if I realised how knackering it was.

I have an 18, 9 and 7 year old. I’m 39 and was tempted for a while to have another. Reality struck though and I realised I just don’t have time.

In your position with one grown up child - if you want one then have one. But don’t have a baby for the sake of your partner x

Hell no. I'm 38 now. Dc are 11 and 9. No way on earth.

For me personally absolutely not.
I don't plan to change a nappy long past 30.

I was 37. My older 3 DCs were 16, 10 and 8. Although I don't regret having her and her dad is brilliant (although we are not together), I do think some times that the others are off hand now while I still have a 10yo to worry about.

I had mine at 41 and 43. Now 57 and it’s GCSEs for oldest! So not a carefree life by a long shot until I’m over 60 (and even then...). But I met my husband at 39 so no choice in the matter. But you really really really should want a child to have one.

In my current situation, not a hope in hell (not to do with my age though) however if my some miracle I did fall pregnant, I would need to have a very serious think about it.

er try 43!!

It depends. You sound like you dont want one! So no!
I had my last baby at 43. She is 8 now. I had my dd when i was 39, ds at 40 and then my youngest as i said. Its tiring but i wouldnt have it any other way. I cant imagine my life without them. I am 51 now and its fine. They keep me young!!

Had my 3rd at 39. He is now 1. Love love loved every second so far. I'd have another at 40 if I could..

So at 51 i have a 12 year old, 11 year old and an 8 year old!!

Wow this resonates with me. I have a 20 year old at uni & a 7 year old , I gave birth to my eldest at 32 and 45 my second, I have been a single. Parent for most of my boys lives. I love them with all of me , they are my priority but it terrifies me that I won’t be able to provide for my son, as I am on a shoestring already.
If you want freedom to choose and a quiet life don’t even consider it! You’re def NOT too old though but if it’s to appease your partner ( does he already have kids?) poss not a wise move. It could strain your relationship to breaking point. But the flip side you would be giving a sibling to your 20 year old that could be a beautiful thing , mine adore one another.
Write a pros & cons list if you are feeling ambivalent and compare with already having raised one. It is after all a massive responsibility and many , many more years again doing the school run!

I had my 3dcs between 33-37 and the youngest is now 14 and I’m so looking forward in a few years time to not have to deal with teenage traumas, holidaying when schools are also off, exams exams exams, the expense of dependent children. I think if you have a child to please and keep your partner you will end up resenting your child if anything untoward happened to that relationship. Your child as other posters have said will be hitting puberty as you go into menopause and that’s not a great combination to have to deal with. In your situation I wouldn’t have another child you clearly want to have the freedom to do your own thing and enjoy your child free time

A few years ago I would've said no. My eldest 2 are 12 and 10 and I split up with their dad about 6 years ago. I had one awful abusive relationship following that for a couple of years. Managed to get rid of him and decided to concentrate on myself. It was hard being a single parent but very rewarding and I learnt a lot. I met my current partner about 2 years ago and I never thought I'd meet someone who treated me properly and made me happy. He didn't have children and I said early on if he ever wanted to, I might consider it. We thought we'd give it a year or 2 and maybe think about it. Well my dd has other ideas.. at 38 I was booked in to have a coil fitted but was slightly worried as hadn't had my period. I was honest with the dr and she said they couldn't do it on that occasion just in case. Turns out I was pregnant!

Our dd is the best thing that ever happened to us. My older 2 love her to bits and we find loads of things we can all do as a family. It's actually better having older dcs rather than 3 toddlers because they can do things for themselves such as walk to school. It's great for my dp to have a Lo, he never felt ready before (he's the same age as me). People say is it hard but I've really enjoyed the baby stage (knowing how quick it goes and having a bit more experience, I'm less worried). Lack of sleep doesn't bother me because I wake up in the night anyway. Sometimes it is exhausting but it's not really the baby, it's the older 2 and all the drama and hormones as they're coming up to puberty. I know we did the right thing, she's enhanced our lives so much, I honestly don't know what we'd be doing without her. I was actually feeling nostalgic for when my other 2 were small and wished I'd enjoyed it more rather than constantly wishing them to get to the next level. I honestly am enjoying it so much more than I would've thought I would. So you really don't know, it depends on your own circumstances I suppose. Good luck with your decision.

I had a child aged 43, and not long ago I would have said definitely go for it, but not now.

Who knows if ANY of us have a future and will be able to live out our lives on our planet

I definitely wouldn't bring a child into this terrible uncertainty