DP angry because I looked attractive last night

[ThisIsCheese]

Not stealth boasting, this is genuinely what happened.
We went out last night, I made an effort and I’ll be honest I think I looked nice. Nice make up, my hair had gone just how I wanted it to, new outfit etc.
Met up with DP’s friends and there were a few couples I’d not met before. I’m 12 years younger than DP and there were a few jokey remarks of “you’ve done ok for yourself mate”.
Anyway we were having a lovely night until we were in one bar, the men had gone to get the drinks and I was approached by two men who were a bit drunk and were trying to chat me up. I didn’t respond and said I was there with my partner, I was stood with two of my DP’s friend’s wives who were finding this hilarious because they were using cheesy lines and trying to buy us all drinks. I laughed it off and carried on with my night.
Later on in another bar another guy tried to talk to me whilst I was stood with DP, I said I was with him and he shook his hand and left.
DP then got furious with me, said I was courting the attention (not sure how? I was just fucking stood there?!) and said I go out acting “like candy”, he then called me a slag and left.
We haven’t spoken since. I’m ignoring his calls because I’m so hurt by his behaviour.
We’ve been together for 4 years, we’re engaged and I’ve never given him any reason to think I’m interested in anyone else.

For what it’s worth I was wearing a full length jumpsuit so I wasn’t dressed with everything on show or anything. Not that it should make any difference, I should be able to wear whatever the hell I want.

AIBU to think this is a massive red flag? He sent me a text saying he’s sick of it and it happens whenever we go out and he’s fed up of “my behaviour”.

What do I do now?! I’m ignoring him for now but I’m not sure I can move past this. He’s never been like this before but he’s obviously been judging me for a while if that’s how he feels

This will only get worse.
Just to appease my Ex H I started dressing very conservatively to stop him complaining that men were "looking" as me and it was disrepectful.
Then I was criticised for being "dowdy" and why couldn't I dress like so and so.
The truth is you went out looking good and that gives you confidence which is very attractive, so you got attention. He is jealous because HE wasn't getting attention, how dare you take the attention away from him as he is so superior!
Get rid believe me it will slowly get worse.

He's no good for you, love. I'm so sorry. You're doing the right thing by standing your ground: you have done nothing wrong. His behaviour is completely unacceptable.

If my fiancé called me a slag the relationship would be over. He’s shown you exactly what he’s like, you’d be stupid to marry him.

The men who approached you did nothing wrong, they found you attractive, tried to chat you up and left when you told them you weren't interested

Yep. I agree, they were perfectly pleasant men.

You are entitled to go out looking as beautiful as you want. You are entitled to talk to anyone you want.

I am cross reading your first post as you feel the need to justify yourself by telling us what you were wearing. If you were wearing a push up bra and mini skirt and enjoyed the compliments you got from the guy at the bar, that would also have been totally fine.

Don't marry him. He has clearly taken the insecurities he has about your age gap and projected them onto you, believing that you should have to modify your (perfectly reasonable) behaviour to pander to his feelings of inadequacy. When he feels shitty about himself he lashes out at you. You deserve better

Is sound like he views you as his property now. Is your engagement recent?

There's be no coming back for any man who called me a slag.

Ditch him today before he tries to weasel his way back in. He sounds like a controlling arsehole. Things can only get worse with that kind of man.

OP, I understand you’re hurt but you should be grateful you learned who he is. He doesn’t love you, or trust you. Without trust, there is nothing.

I’m so sorry OP, I can’t imagine how hard it feels. But you know that you have to leave him, this is how it starts and it’ll only get worse

I can, and have, put up with a lot of crap in a relationship. Calling me a slag is where I draw the line. I don’t think there’s any coming back from this. I hate that word anyway as no woman deserves to be called that. To call your soon to be wife that is unforgivable.

You know what, I think he's waiting for you to apologise!

If anyone calls you a slag, that's the time to pack your bags. His stupid jealousy and ridiculous outburst together are enough, too.

You can do much better than him (as he realised last night.)

Dump him, he's totally in the wrong.
He clearly has some quite misogynist views as well

its men like that who think its the victims fault that Rape / sexual assualt happens ( oh yeah it happened because of the victims behaviour )

Screw that.

He should be proud of you and be pleased that others find you attractive too. He is insecure and unless he apologises pretty quickly and it never happens again I would leave him.

He should be proud of you.

If you have a car key, I would leave your engagement ring in the glove box and anything else of his in the boot and let him know it is there.
Don't discuss any further.
He is a jealous spiteful man and he will make your life hell when you are married. You will be isolated and unhappy.

Please leave him, OP. I had a boyfriend like this when I was 19, I ended up moving in with him and it all got much, much worse. He hasn't apologised this morning as he is hoping you will want to stay together so badly, YOU will apologise and flutter round him trying to put him in a better mood. He thinks now that you are engaged he is well on the road to putting in you in a position where you find it hard to leave him. Dump any shit he has at your house in his car and ignore him.

Look on it as a lucky escape.

He’s awful. Don’t stay with him.

So many threads, so many women questioning their instincts, not sure if they are allowed to object to the shit, controlling abusive crap they are receiving...we are so conditioned to put up with absolute shit from men...ugh.

OP do not accept this. Please move ahead.

You have a choice now.

Either you accept you are now his property and you do what he says or else

Or you ditch this abusive piece of shit.

hmmm well I disagree that men should randomly chat people up, especially if they are obviously out with a group or their partner. But if the OP doesn't mind then I guess that's okay.

People are rushing to say drop him a bit too quikcly if this is a one off. Just have a chat to him. He may have just been in a bad mood. Just have a frank discussion about it all. once uyou have a few children you won't be in bars anyway so in a sense it cuold be a totally irrelevant issue - you will be trying to keep baby sick off your work suit as you rush to the nursery and then on to the office!

once uyou have a few children you won't be in bars anyway so in a sense it cuold be a totally irrelevant issue

No, but she'll be looking too sexy going to baby groups. Too glamorous picking the child up from nursery. Too flirtatious at a neighbour's BBQ...

He called you a slag because you looked nice? Well he's certainly starting to show his true colours isn't he! Is this the man you want to marry? Because this is the real him.

He called you a slag?

That's a deal-breaker. Controlling and misogynistic are not a winning combination. This looks like the paving of the ways for a very abusive future relationship. GTFO.

I'm sorry, OP. These 'scales falling from the eyes' moments are never other than very painful

OP please don't wait for this to get even worse.

Ditch him now.