DP angry because I looked attractive last night

[ThisIsCheese]

Not stealth boasting, this is genuinely what happened.
We went out last night, I made an effort and I’ll be honest I think I looked nice. Nice make up, my hair had gone just how I wanted it to, new outfit etc.
Met up with DP’s friends and there were a few couples I’d not met before. I’m 12 years younger than DP and there were a few jokey remarks of “you’ve done ok for yourself mate”.
Anyway we were having a lovely night until we were in one bar, the men had gone to get the drinks and I was approached by two men who were a bit drunk and were trying to chat me up. I didn’t respond and said I was there with my partner, I was stood with two of my DP’s friend’s wives who were finding this hilarious because they were using cheesy lines and trying to buy us all drinks. I laughed it off and carried on with my night.
Later on in another bar another guy tried to talk to me whilst I was stood with DP, I said I was with him and he shook his hand and left.
DP then got furious with me, said I was courting the attention (not sure how? I was just fucking stood there?!) and said I go out acting “like candy”, he then called me a slag and left.
We haven’t spoken since. I’m ignoring his calls because I’m so hurt by his behaviour.
We’ve been together for 4 years, we’re engaged and I’ve never given him any reason to think I’m interested in anyone else.

For what it’s worth I was wearing a full length jumpsuit so I wasn’t dressed with everything on show or anything. Not that it should make any difference, I should be able to wear whatever the hell I want.

AIBU to think this is a massive red flag? He sent me a text saying he’s sick of it and it happens whenever we go out and he’s fed up of “my behaviour”.

What do I do now?! I’m ignoring him for now but I’m not sure I can move past this. He’s never been like this before but he’s obviously been judging me for a while if that’s how he feels

So he blames women.for thier 'behaviour' if a man finds them attractive.
He calls op a slag because some man tried to chat her up as they are wont to do.
Accuses her of 'purring' in pleasure at being approached by random men.

All blaming op as she is a woman.

So every time op goes out she should 'modify' her behaviour, clothes, and somehow be psychic to know which man is going to find her attractive and stay away or face the same crap because her oh is 'insecure'?

Sod that woman blaming crap.

He has shown her what he really thinks about women. That's all she needs to know. She has higher standards than to take that crap from anyone.

We don't hate men, just the victim blaming misogynist ones who start of verbally abusive which is enough to stop a relationship there and then but they often graduate to controlling, verbally, emotionally and physically abusive partners.

It's not a bit of banter, its not just a slip of the tongue when a bit pissed it continued next day too until op showed him she wasnt kowtowing to him. Then he changed tack...hmm where have we seen.that before?

Oh OP. Not excusing what he said at all but a part of me agrees with a couple of other posters that it's a shame to definitely end a great relationship over one incident. I'd be tempted to put things completely on hold for a few days/weeks and see how you feel and what he says/does.

On the other hand it seems a bad sign that he indicated he'd been feeling this way for a while as opposed to it being a one-off. And that he continued it the next day.

Really feel for you OP. Either way I'm glad you're being clear with him that you did nothing wrong and that he has massively fucked up.

He isn't sorry for what he said to you and what he thinks of you. There was no back tracking the next day he quite clearly stated when sober that he meant everything he said and believed he was in the right.

It is only when he finally realised there was no way in hell you were accepting his shit or taking any blame that he realised he had crossed a line and was losing you.

He is not sorry for what he said. He thought you would accept it.He is only that you have taken it serious and ended things.

Yep it's a great relationship when your loved one, the one you're just about to make a serious commitment and investment with, calls you a slag.

Don't listen to us bitter keyboard warriors OP

No "bitter and spurned" posters here, by the look of it, Pillow. However, I have seen plenty of posts about men that were eventually "spurned" for being abusive shits, and some justifiably angry women who hate the thought of others living with the same abuse. Maybe we just see what we want to see.

I don't hate 'men', any more than I hate 'people'. Men are after all just people and I hold them to the same standards as anyone else.

I hate those 'people' who think that a relationship is ownership, who think that a relationship means they can control and abuse, who view other 'people' as puppets for their enjoyment/punchbag/entertainment. Who think the 'Other Half' is there for cooking/cleaning/money/childcare. Who consider another person to be there to ease their own life.

I like people who have their own mind, who don't demand gratification or validation from me, who give-AND-take.

Both men and women.

V well put ptumbi

Yes, everything ptumbi said.

It isn't you or your behaviour. It is him and his.

I was in a 13 year relationship with someone who was jealous and pulled stunts like you just described.

He always made me feel like I was in the wrong!! For a long time i stupidly believed him which is why I put up with it for so long! Eventually I saw how other couples were leading a normal life and realised how f**@ked* up mine was.

It does not get better. This is who he is, these are his views and nothing will change that.

I got apology after apology for the jealous behaviour but it never stopped. He'd hide it for a while but it slowly got worse. We had 2 DC.

Worst 13 years of my life. I'll never get back the confidence I had before I met him, and the effects of his jealousy followed me. I always try to over explain myself or justify normal behaviour to my new DP, feel awkward making eye contact with other men, even if a good looking man is on TV ffs, oh yes, that was an issue!!

You dont want that, believe me!

Not your fault in any way shape or form, it’s all down to him and his pathetic behaviour.

IME it’s one or both of two things....

1. He has self esteem issues.
2. he is judging you on his attitude and behaviour when he’s out without you.

I found out the hard way it was number two for us (the irony of that is not lost on me lol) and that he was judging me on his behaviours, when he was out with his mates or even when he was dropping the kids off at school, dance class, taekwondo etc etc, you get the point. It certainly was not point 1, he had the biggest ego ever seen, could be seen from space without the Hubble telescope. Hugs either way.

Very glad to hear you've ended things. I was going to come on her and say please don't stay with a man who calls you a slag.

em I was also after a link to the jumpsuit! I love a jumpsuit me.

Do yourself a favour and leave now.

this will only get worse

RTFT Venus.