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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DP angry because I looked attractive last night

639 replies

ThisIsCheese · 06/05/2019 11:18

Not stealth boasting, this is genuinely what happened.
We went out last night, I made an effort and I’ll be honest I think I looked nice. Nice make up, my hair had gone just how I wanted it to, new outfit etc.
Met up with DP’s friends and there were a few couples I’d not met before. I’m 12 years younger than DP and there were a few jokey remarks of “you’ve done ok for yourself mate”.
Anyway we were having a lovely night until we were in one bar, the men had gone to get the drinks and I was approached by two men who were a bit drunk and were trying to chat me up. I didn’t respond and said I was there with my partner, I was stood with two of my DP’s friend’s wives who were finding this hilarious because they were using cheesy lines and trying to buy us all drinks. I laughed it off and carried on with my night.
Later on in another bar another guy tried to talk to me whilst I was stood with DP, I said I was with him and he shook his hand and left.
DP then got furious with me, said I was courting the attention (not sure how? I was just fucking stood there?!) and said I go out acting “like candy”, he then called me a slag and left.
We haven’t spoken since. I’m ignoring his calls because I’m so hurt by his behaviour.
We’ve been together for 4 years, we’re engaged and I’ve never given him any reason to think I’m interested in anyone else.

For what it’s worth I was wearing a full length jumpsuit so I wasn’t dressed with everything on show or anything. Not that it should make any difference, I should be able to wear whatever the hell I want.

AIBU to think this is a massive red flag? He sent me a text saying he’s sick of it and it happens whenever we go out and he’s fed up of “my behaviour”.

What do I do now?! I’m ignoring him for now but I’m not sure I can move past this. He’s never been like this before but he’s obviously been judging me for a while if that’s how he feels Sad

OP posts:
AginNAgin · 07/05/2019 20:25

And what was his reaction to being dumped may I ask?

Wonkybanana · 07/05/2019 20:26

He doesn't normally drink very much and was very very drunk which undoubtedly played a part."

OP, you are still justifying his despicable behaviour

No she isn't. She's stating a fact. And she's split up with him as a result of his behaviour. So no, not justifying at all.

(Sorry to talk about you as if you're not here, Cheese Grin)

AginNAgin · 07/05/2019 20:28

But she hasn't split up with him, has she?

AlaskanOilBaron · 07/05/2019 20:32

Oh. God. Just saw that he sent a follow up text saying you always do that and he's sick of it?

He sounds a bit scary, frankly.

Honeyroar · 07/05/2019 20:33

She says she's split up with him. Why would you say she hasn't?

Lweji · 07/05/2019 20:35

He doesn’t normally drink very much and was very very drunk which undoubtedly played a part.

Perhaps a part in removing his inner control. His feelings would come out eventually. Perhaps once he thought you'd find it hard to leave.

Perhaps now because you are buying a house together and he sees you as commited.

Greencustard · 07/05/2019 20:35

AginNAgin

I think you may be a wee bit over-invested in a random stranger on the internets relationship status. Whatever you may feel or think, OP sounds very level-headed and I'm sure she'll do the right thing for her. No matter what happens, this will be nipped in the bud.

EKGEMS · 07/05/2019 20:36

Give.it.a.damn.rest Aginandagin The OP has made it crystal clear your posts are aggressive and rude

Original poster
ThisIsCheese · 07/05/2019 20:38

@AginNAgin can you read? I said I have split up with him! Are you not reading my posts?

Also I am in no way minimising his behaviour by saying he has been previously perfect, I was explaining this is the first incident and our relationship had been perfect. No other problems until now.

It appears the difference between you and I is I decided not to put up with this shit after the first time. And yes you clearly were with a thug if he was abusive. That is a fact. I’m glad you left him for your sake

OP posts:
Propertywoes · 07/05/2019 20:38

Agin I think you need to step away. You're way too invested in this and whatever the op chooses to do with her life has nothing to do with your previous abuse.

PickAChew · 07/05/2019 20:39

Agin read OP's 20:11 post. She has split up with him. I'm sure Eastenders is on iPlayer if you want drama.

AginNAgin · 07/05/2019 20:42

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AginNAgin · 07/05/2019 20:43

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byebyebeautiful · 07/05/2019 20:45

That's enough internet for you today, AginNAgin

AginNAgin · 07/05/2019 20:45

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Original poster
ThisIsCheese · 07/05/2019 20:45

@AginNAgin wow. You’re talking about abusers and being abusive yourself.

For what it’s worth I decided to leave the moment he shouted at me and stormed off. I don’t think I’ve implied otherwise? Hence posting on here because I’m horrified by it.

OP posts:
Greencustard · 07/05/2019 20:46

AginNAgin

You're bang out of order. That's an awful way to speak to anyone.

OhLookHeKickedTheBall · 07/05/2019 20:47

That's enough internet for you today
Clearly not Grin

thisis Don't let anyone tell you that you aren't allowed to be sad. You have every right to be. Glad you decided not to put up with it though.

AginNAgin · 07/05/2019 20:48

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Original poster
ThisIsCheese · 07/05/2019 20:49

@AginNAgin

He's so fucking perfect it took you 4 fucking years to see that he's an abusive bastard

What part of “this is the first incident” don’t you understand?! I’m sorry you stick around with yours but not everyone does that. First sign of being a prick was enough for me 🤷🏼‍♀️

I’m allowed to be sad about it though. Just because he’s been an asshole doesn’t mean that I’m not allowed to grieve the happiness I thought we had.

OP posts:
Propertywoes · 07/05/2019 20:49

Why do you care agin?

Original poster
ThisIsCheese · 07/05/2019 20:49

I actually am starting to think you can’t read

OP posts:
AginNAgin · 07/05/2019 20:50

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hewontstopshitting · 07/05/2019 20:51

Op has started extremely clearly that she has left him, multiple times. What are you not seeing?

AginNAgin · 07/05/2019 20:51

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