DP angry because I looked attractive last night

[ThisIsCheese]

Not stealth boasting, this is genuinely what happened.
We went out last night, I made an effort and I’ll be honest I think I looked nice. Nice make up, my hair had gone just how I wanted it to, new outfit etc.
Met up with DP’s friends and there were a few couples I’d not met before. I’m 12 years younger than DP and there were a few jokey remarks of “you’ve done ok for yourself mate”.
Anyway we were having a lovely night until we were in one bar, the men had gone to get the drinks and I was approached by two men who were a bit drunk and were trying to chat me up. I didn’t respond and said I was there with my partner, I was stood with two of my DP’s friend’s wives who were finding this hilarious because they were using cheesy lines and trying to buy us all drinks. I laughed it off and carried on with my night.
Later on in another bar another guy tried to talk to me whilst I was stood with DP, I said I was with him and he shook his hand and left.
DP then got furious with me, said I was courting the attention (not sure how? I was just fucking stood there?!) and said I go out acting “like candy”, he then called me a slag and left.
We haven’t spoken since. I’m ignoring his calls because I’m so hurt by his behaviour.
We’ve been together for 4 years, we’re engaged and I’ve never given him any reason to think I’m interested in anyone else.

For what it’s worth I was wearing a full length jumpsuit so I wasn’t dressed with everything on show or anything. Not that it should make any difference, I should be able to wear whatever the hell I want.

AIBU to think this is a massive red flag? He sent me a text saying he’s sick of it and it happens whenever we go out and he’s fed up of “my behaviour”.

What do I do now?! I’m ignoring him for now but I’m not sure I can move past this. He’s never been like this before but he’s obviously been judging me for a while if that’s how he feels

She hasn't said women in abusive relationships are stupid or anything like that. I think youre assuming things that aren't there.

I’m allowed to be sad about it though. Just because he’s been an asshole doesn’t mean that I’m not allowed to grieve the happiness I thought we had.

Absolutely!

Just nasty now Agin, I've reported

You're massively projecting there, Agin. And you're aggressive responses are inappropriate and unhelpful. This is a support forum

Well ThisIsCheeses thread should be ThisIsSwissCheese.
I'll get my coat.

@AginNAgin read my posts again please.

Well ThisIsCheeses thread should be ThisIsSwissCheese.
I'll get my coat

Why exactly?

Op’s Post at 20:11 ‘I have left him’.

It's so hard because like you say it's one time in 4 years but honestly there is a difference between having a bad day and being moody.. to calling you a slag and blaming you for men finding you attractive! That's so not on!! Acting like that to you shows such a lack of respect for you and that's not right for any relationship no matter the gender! I would probably put the buying the house on hold and just make sure whatever you do- you put yourself first!! Fingers crossed for your happiness whether it's with or without him xx

Huh. I’ve read the op has left him a few times now.

See posts at 20:49; 20:45; 20:38

And your message “oh so I see she has dumped him”

Why exactly?
Agin's posts are being deleted so if you open on desktop at least there's loads of deletion messages. Maybe they're showing on the app?

Because the deleted posts make your thread look holey like Swiss cheese... it was an attempt at a joke I think.

In no way is yelling and aggressive posting helpful - OP has actually said she has left.

OP, you're dealing with this much calmer than I would have, and although leaving was the right thing to do, I bet you're heartbroken. Take time to grieve and process.

OhLookHeKickedTheBall
Oh sorry, I thought you were implying there were holes in my story. Sorry I’m being defensive because to be fair in the last 2 days I’ve been attacked by my partner and a stranger on the internet

I think Agin needs a nap....

Ignore OP, you don’t need to explain yourself to anyone!

@AginNAgin The OP doesn't owe you or anyone else an explanation. Despite that she has said she has ended things. She isn't obliged to give any details. She has had a rough few days and is dealing with enough.

Don't worry. I'd hoped the Fast Show reference would have given it away but its dawned on me that I'm old nowadays so it may not work anymore

Christ some people on here are awful. Ignore Agin.

You are setting awesome example to your dc Cheese and it will get easier.

It's good that you have left him before he gets comfortable abusing you. Your DD doesn't need somebody she sees as a father figure informing her at 14 that she is a slag because she's put some makeup on or her top shows a little bit of tummy or arm.

Agin aside, are you OK, OP? This seems to have descended and when looking at the original scenario, it’s been a pretty grim few days, no doubt. Hope you’re OK and that he’s not upset you further after you ended it.

Thank you for all the lovely messages and to those who have suffered far worse my heart goes out to you.
You’re all very brave and inspiring. This is exactly what mumsnet is great for xxxxxx

Hope you're doing ok OP, it's been a full on couple of days, and a huge decision and life change for you. Take it easy on yourself, and stay strong, I think you've done the right thing, and the harder thing, as it would be so much easier to let it slide as an aberration.

Op , just to say I would also be very conflicted if this happened.
Pause the house sale and take time before you see him, let the adrenaline dissipate. Let the emotion you feel most rise to the top, the right answer will come organically.

Give the flowers to a nursing home, don’t dump them.

Take care x

Good luck