To not allow younger sibling to birthday party with 45 mins notice?

[Riverside85]

DD’s birthday party yesterday- it was a church hall with entertainer (rather than a soft play where you pay per head), however I did take numbers into account when making food (individual food bags per child), party bags and the entertainer wanted numbers to pre-make balloon animals per child.

They’re Reception (turning 5). Whole class was invited. I saw one Mum at another party last week and as well as the 5yo she had her toddler with her. While chatting I said “Oh, would you like to bring X to DD’s party next week too?” She said “Ooh really? I didn’t like to assume but that would be lovely!” so I added the little one to the list.

Yesterday, the day of the party I get a text from another Mum 45 mins before the party start time- I was already at the hall setting up.

Text said “Hi sorry for the short notice but can my little boy X come along to the party, he won’t eat anything, he just really wants to come”. WIBU to reply “I’m really sorry but I haven’t made provision for him in the numbers and I’m already at the venue now”. She then replied “Aww no problem I’ll see if his Dad can take him out somewhere instead” so not like it was a childcare emergency and she had the two on her own.

Background: this same family brought both kids to DD’s soft play party last year without asking; the Dad brought them both in- I watched them at the door giving both names to the staff and the younger brother sat down at the table and had a meal. I didn’t say anything at the time as it was the middle of the party and I never said anything after. I have also seen the younger brother at quite a lot of other parties so think she must do this a bit.

My mum thinks I WBU and should’ve just said yes, tbh we did have spare food and a couple of extra party bags.

So WIBU?

I’ve never heard of a church hall party. You mean you hire a church hall for a children’s party? Why would you need that much space?

exactly, same halls that are used for playgroups, baby class, sometimes ladies exercise and whathave you.

You need space for class parties, kids discos, entertainers - princess, super hero, magician, bouncy castle. At least half the parties we go are in a hall, they are cheap as anything and a great setting for whatever party you fancy.
I wouldn't dream of hosting a house party for kids! People who do are very brave...

IvanaPee

Actually they loved it. Birthday parties are looked on as family affairs so we all knew gps and aunts and uncles of the children.

They were very cheeky and I understand your perspective BUT given you had enough food and party bags I think you were a bit unreasonable to say no just to make a point.

I would have just asked one of the other parents to take your child. Often I've had a car full of children going to birthday parties as we all don't need to go.

I actually already had. But she had already cornered a mother who usually drops off and demanded that she attend the party with her child.... At that point I realised I had better touch base with her.

Can I ask what the hell soft play is? A jungle gym with padding underneath???

ihatehashtags I take it you arnt in tne UK as soft plays are everywhere. This is one example www.jangos.co.uk

that's a soft play

Hell on earth for the parents, kids love them

They are great for parties though, kids are having fun, soft play provide entertainment, invitations, food and party bags, you have nothing to do at all. Winner all the way.

Daisy pond

I’m guessing you’re not in the U.K.? I’d say 80% of the parties my daughter gets invited to are in church halls!

Is have said yes - because I'm a wuss

But your text was fine. At venue, setting up and it was just a case of wanting to go rather than an emergency.

pardon no, I’m in the uk. People have parties for children at home. Most people live in flats (I’m in London) so not acres of space to play with. But whole class parties are unheard of. Lots of children don’t have birthday parties at all. Some may take a small group of guests out to do something.

The parties in the area I live there is always an adults table with adult food, cheese board, hummus crackers and pitta bread, tea and coffee as a minimum. Sometimes whole variety of cold foods. Sandwiches, quiche, salads etc. A few had full bars or bottles of wine and glasses on a table.

That's absolutely not the norm. Sounds fun though.

I actually already had. But she had already cornered a mother who usually drops off and demanded that she attend the party with her child.... At that point I realised I had better touch base with her.

She sounds like she just wanted to show off to the other parents.

I’ve never heard of a church hall party. You mean you hire a church hall for a children’s party? Why would you need that much space?

For huge areas of the country church hall parties are the absolute norm, I'm slightly surprised that more than one person hasn't heard of them. Don't churches by you hire out their halls?

You hire a hall (church,village,school,community) put on some kind of entertainment add a bit of easy to prepare food and you have a party for an almost unlimted number of children for a fixed cost, does away with any issue of younger siblings turning up as there's plenty of space.

"Small children, I feel like everyone's in the trenches, least you can do is make life a bit easier for your fellow parents" .

This. A million times over.

Daisy Pond

Ah that’s maybe the difference! I’m rural

But parents of young DCs aren't actually in a combat zone. They are just parents, and it's doing them no future favours to give in to their toddlers unreasonable demands.

People have parties for children at home. Most people live in flats (I’m in London) so not acres of space to play with. But whole class parties are unheard of.

WHERE in London are you!
We got a full class invitation when my 1st one was 2 years old which was a bit of a shock! I have moved away from Central London now, but my experience was that people never had house parties there, I imagined because properties were too small or it wasn't just fashionable.

How can you be in London without having experienced soft play!

I had to tell a friend that her two much older, unparented, boisterous stepsons weren't welcome to tag along to a 5 year old's party in a tiny house. They were not horrible boys but played rough and needed keeping an eye on all the time.

They had childcare available but their parent said all three children had to be treated equally and if they weren't all invited then the youngest couldn't come. They still all turned up at the start of the party and tried to get it. I had to keep saying it's for younger children only.

The friendship has pretty much died out. I did invite them all to larger parties held in the church hall for the next few years but they've never turned up. I'm glad I didn't allow them to pressurise me into giving in but we really didn't want their older boys to come, my child was slightly afraid of the older boys. The unpleasantness has lingered and it has not been forgotten.

People have parties for children at home. Most people live in flats (I’m in London) so not acres of space to play with. But whole class parties are unheard of.

I'm shocked by this. In YR almost everyone had whole class parties, in Y1 it was still fairly common by Y2 there were only a few. In reception (especially for winter babies) kids don't always have an established group of friends and they love rampaging round a big hall and eating all together with their friends.

Londoner here.. Don't recognise the above at all..
Over the 10 years of kid parties (before the pre-teens strike), we've been at church/scout halls with entertainers, soft plays, small and large parties at people's houses, specific venues (horse riding a memorable hit) and the cinema.
For all the above, siblings were tolerated at church halls (inclusive price, what's a few sandwiches more?) but not at the rest.
There are cultural differences too. When the children of our African friends had parties, the parents were appalled if we didn't bring all the family! It was expected and all had a brilliant time.
Never ever was offered wine at a kids party though..

I have had a number of times people have asked if siblings can come as they do not want them to be left at home, as they will be bored etc and, do not want them to feel left out.

Actually, I think that children should learn that actually they will get invited to different places at different times and they need to get used to it.

Totally different if single parent/emergency/ or specific issue (mates second child never got invited anywhere so I would include him in everything) but generally what is wrong with communicating with a child its not their class party but a siblings.

I’ve always been a more the merrier type person too. As far as a hall with entertainer I always make up extra food and party bags. Another reason I’ve always done a buffet and not food boxes per child. If it was a venue per head I would expect the parent to come and pay their extra child in. That seems to be what happens here. Soft play usually gets younger siblings and then whilst in the party room the parent get the sibling a meal. Some places offer to charge the parent the party price including a meal and they just join everyone in the party room.

I’m a single parent though and if it’s my weekend I have no choice. Their dad has other plans. Sometimes I can get my mum but she often has other plans. This weekend we had a trampoline party for one child and I did leave my other child with my mum because the cost of taking her would have been quite a lot to me. She complained but she had fun at her grandma’s house. I’ve taken her before to watch when I’ve had no child care, explaining she’s not got a space to join in the individually priced activity but on one occasion someone didn’t turn up so she was invited to take part anyway. As far as whole class parties at a hall, all our classmates seem to take siblings .

Oh and whoever said at 5 you drop and run. It depends where you are I think. Definitely an expectation to stay here until the end of ks1. Especially at venues where there’s not really time to drop and go back.

No not at all ! I really don’t have time for these families that say that X little brother or sister has to come to the party because he or she really wants to come! They need to learn to manage the little siblings emotions as their presence can really spoil the party! Unless it’s a babe in arms my answer to little siblings especially toddlers is always a very strict no !

Sounds like they have form so YANBU.

Why do folks think it's ok to do this?

Thank God I'm past all this party crap, anyone who think it's ok to do this and dump your kids on others... buck up.

@celticprincess

Thankfully there is no such expectation where we are and you can do just that !
Leave them at the party at KS1 as well or stay if your child is more comfortable if you do ! No excess siblings unless they pay or in some cases I’ve allowed them to come if there’s a cancellation! If parents stay I offer them a glass of Prosecco or a coffee ☕️