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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mum seems to have had a personality change after operation!

219 replies

Beesinmybonnet · 04/05/2019 14:24

I have posted on here before but have name changed for this.

My mum has just had major surgery. The surgery took place on Thursday and when I visited yesterday, all seemed to be fine. She was awake but quite sleepy. She is in her late 70s and has no dementia or other issues (so we thought).

I have just got back from the hospital now and from the moment I arrived there she was shouting at me and threatening to throw things at me. She appears to know who I am as she was calling me by name but she was very suspicious of me, telling the staff how awful I am and how she has had an awful life with all her children! She said we are scheming against her and want rid of her. She has three children and we all dote on her as she's always been such a loving, caring mum.

She is refusing her medication and food. She even grabbed the nurses lanyard at one point. I tried to give her a drink, she said I have probably poisoned it so there is no way she was drinking it.

I'm starting to think this must be what she really thinks of me. Can this happen after anesthetic? The staff reassured me this is quite normal, especially if someone has memory issues but she didn't have anything like this before the operation. I'm scared her 'true thoughts' must be coming out and she actually thinks we are all terrible children who want to harm her.

OP posts:
hobnobsaremyfavourite · 04/05/2019 14:25

Does she have an infection? This can often make people behave out of character
Particularly a urine infection

BreakfastAtSquiffanys · 04/05/2019 14:27

Agree with above poster.
Confusion and unusual behaviour are often signs of infection in older people

AmIRightOrAMeringue · 04/05/2019 14:28

I'd listen to the nurses, if you have a good relationship it wont be what she really thinks of you

Almostalive · 04/05/2019 14:28

I was also going to suggest UTI. Dehydration can affect a person in this way. Ask to see fluid charts x

marvellousnightforamooncup · 04/05/2019 14:28

That's really alarming. If it's a dramatic change in character it's unlikely it's what she really thinks of you. Please speak to the consultant in charge or her GP and make sure you are listened to properly and get help.

hidinginthenightgarden · 04/05/2019 14:29

No it isn't likely to be her true thoughts. She is confused. Hopefully she will be back to herself soon.

Cornettoninja · 04/05/2019 14:29

Hmmm, that does seem off. Have you asked if they’ve checked her for any infections (urine primarily - uti’s can do funny things to older people) or had an opportunity to speak with a doctor?

It may be worth asking them to review the possibility she has memory problems. Major surgery may be exacerbating and minor issues that were there previously.

Hope she settles soon, it must be very hard for you Flowers
(Disclaimer - not medical in any way)

User12879923378 · 04/05/2019 14:29

Sounds like it might be delirium. My uncle used to get it when he had a bladder infection. My dad got it after respiratory failure. It was temporary and went away when they got treatment for the main condition. But I did have to be really clear that they'd never had dementia before they came in to get the hospital staff to actually talk to me about it.

Echobelly · 04/05/2019 14:29

Yes, have also heard of older people becoming suddenly confused and aggressive and it's an infection - I'd raise the possibility with hospital staff ASAP.

pudcat · 04/05/2019 14:29

Sounds as if she is dehydrated or has an infection o some kind, usually water infection. .My mum turned a horrible person hallucinating and not knowing who we were. Ask the nurses to test her urine

DisappearingGirl · 04/05/2019 14:31

I've heard of people feeling depressed and awful on about day 3 after a general anaesthetic. Think they are usually back to normal after another couple of days! Or yes, the infection thing may be another possibility

Fairypiggy · 04/05/2019 14:31

Sounds like she is delirious. As previous posters said they need to rule out causes such as infection.

User12879923378 · 04/05/2019 14:31

It's not what she really thinks of you, honestly.

justilou1 · 04/05/2019 14:32

Did she have a catheter after the surgery? Definitely sounds like a UTI. If it's not that, she may be having a reaction to some of the medication she's on.

Actually, do you know what meds she was on before the surgery? Has she suddenly gone off anything? (That's been known to cause issues....)

thecatsarecrazy · 04/05/2019 14:33

Has she spent time in icu? My dad didn't have a clue what was going on after being under sedation for a few days

LIZS · 04/05/2019 14:34

Could well be an infection, reaction to anaesthetic or painkillers. Dm had a morphine drip and was hallucinating at one point. There was another lady who shouted and swore at her visitors and nurses. She also takes several days to get over a general.

Sillybillypoopoomummy · 04/05/2019 14:36

No, don't listen to the nurses - they don't know her, you do! You need to find a doctor that will listen, get checked for a UTI, see if her CRP is elevated and ask for antibiotics urgently if either are present and if they don't work fast, in an ideal world you want a head MRI just to check for minor strokes etc that may have occured as a consequence of surgery.

You need to emphasise that this is not normal!
good luck

YetAnotherSpartacus · 04/05/2019 14:37

Both parents developed symptoms of dementia after surgery. In both cases, these never entirely went away and/or led to a downward spiral. No infections. This is just how it was.

itswinetime · 04/05/2019 14:38

As well as infection there is such a thing as post operative delirium it's a mixture of the drugs and possible electrolyte imbalances caused by the operation.

It isn't her true thoughts at all it's just the body reacting to knowing something is wrong but not being able to process what. So it is in a confused fight or flight situation. That's how it was explained to me anyway. It will get better.

BreakfastAtSquiffanys · 04/05/2019 14:38

My mother got quite confused in hospital and the nurses minimised it because they didn't really know what she was like before.
On the phone, one described her as "her usual self, quite happily confused". I firmly explained that being confused was not usual for my mother and she was not happy, she was distressed.

Empathy56 · 04/05/2019 14:39

This happened to my Mum years ago and it turned out to be an infection.Make sure the staff listen to you that this isn't normal behaviour for your Mum.The staff at my Mums hospital tried to say she was probably constipated!

AfterSchoolWorry · 04/05/2019 14:39

Steroids?

Procrastination4 · 04/05/2019 14:40

Your “ loving, caring mum” is the real deal, make no mistake about that. Your mum couldn’t and wouldn’t keep up an act for years-you only have to read some of the threads on here to realise that people who don’t care for their children/resent their children have no qualms whatsoever about letting them know. Hopefully she’ll have recovered and be back to her own real self soon.

Original poster
Beesinmybonnet · 04/05/2019 14:40

The doctors asked me if she had a drink/drug problem and if she had memory issues. She doesn't have any. They didn't mention an infection and I didn't think to ask. I think she does have a catheter in at the moment yes. I trust they are doing everything to find out what has caused it, and they assured me it should stablize but I'm just upset at some of the things she was saying.

It could be dehydration as she is refusing anything by mouth as she thinks we are trying to poison her.

She isn't on many tablets for her age, mostly just high blood pressure tablets and iron, possibly one for stomach acid.

OP posts:
kalinkafoxtrot45 · 04/05/2019 14:41

My granny used to get angry and aggressive when she had a UTI. First thing I’d check for. I hope your mum will be okay.

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