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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Mum seems to have had a personality change after operation!

219 replies

Beesinmybonnet · 04/05/2019 14:24

I have posted on here before but have name changed for this.

My mum has just had major surgery. The surgery took place on Thursday and when I visited yesterday, all seemed to be fine. She was awake but quite sleepy. She is in her late 70s and has no dementia or other issues (so we thought).

I have just got back from the hospital now and from the moment I arrived there she was shouting at me and threatening to throw things at me. She appears to know who I am as she was calling me by name but she was very suspicious of me, telling the staff how awful I am and how she has had an awful life with all her children! She said we are scheming against her and want rid of her. She has three children and we all dote on her as she's always been such a loving, caring mum.

She is refusing her medication and food. She even grabbed the nurses lanyard at one point. I tried to give her a drink, she said I have probably poisoned it so there is no way she was drinking it.

I'm starting to think this must be what she really thinks of me. Can this happen after anesthetic? The staff reassured me this is quite normal, especially if someone has memory issues but she didn't have anything like this before the operation. I'm scared her 'true thoughts' must be coming out and she actually thinks we are all terrible children who want to harm her.

OP posts:

LisaD76 · 05/05/2019 21:07

A man I work with had this with his elderly father.... it turned out that one of the drugs they had him on was causing it, maybe get them to check the medications she is taking

JerryGiraffe · 05/05/2019 21:14

UTI, dehydration, delirium? It's far more common than you might think. Also the stress of an operation and the effect of any of the above has a massive effect on someone a little older. Add an unfamiliar environment and recovery to the mix and the effects can be huge.
I know it is difficult but if it isn't the lady you know and love, it's likely there is something wrong. Please don't be offended and upset by what she is saying but do insist she is tested for UTI and gets a better fluid intake. Sending get well soon wishes for mum and support for you

flowergrrl77 · 05/05/2019 21:21

Hope she has improved further today!

DointItForTheKids · 05/05/2019 21:43

UTI is urinary tract infection (bladder).

What I find odd is, if clinical staff know of this phenomenon (which appears inconsistent, patchy understanding at best), why in gods name don't they warn relatives it might happen?

RubberTreePlant · 05/05/2019 21:47

Those aren't her true thoughts.

Think of the worst hangover you ever had. One that made you anxious? It's like that but much worse. She's having slightly paranoid thoughts and she's confused. It's not the real her.

SnowyAlpsandPeaks · 05/05/2019 21:48

My dad was like this after major surgery. It took about a week before he was fully back to himself, and could remember very little of it! it’s scary I know.

Tumbleweed101 · 05/05/2019 21:59

Like others have said - a reaction to the medications from the op or a possible infection, esp a

You’re mum will be her normal self as she recovers. Don’t take it to heart.

Tumbleweed101 · 05/05/2019 22:00

Not sure what happened with all the missing words/ errors 😐.

Fowles94 · 05/05/2019 22:01

I know a few have said it but I work in care and I am 90% sure this is urine or chest infection as both can cause these symptoms. I don't suspect dementia at all.

ShowOfHands · 05/05/2019 22:09

This happened to my Mum when she was in her 40s. She had a hysterectomy and when she came round started screaming that they'd stolen her baby and it was a conspiracy. She threw things, attacked people. It was frightening. Took days to settle. She then had surgery in her late 50s with no ill effects whatsoever!

I hope she continues to improve op.

Badouchka1 · 05/05/2019 23:20

I had quite major surgery last year and woke up convinced I couldn’t breathe (I could) and was convinced the nurses were talking about me at their station because they wanted to steal my hairbrush (why?!!!!) also I kept telling my DH that he needed to ring in sick at work for me that day but I’d be back tomorrow! Anaesthetic and morphine are wonderful things!
I hope she’s back to the lady you know soon.

Boomsk · 06/05/2019 00:19

I woke up and rang my dd to enquire about the baby I had sent to her for safe-keeping. I could not understand how she didn't know what baby I was talking about - EH - THE ONE I SENT?
I was positively off my rocker.

Boomsk · 06/05/2019 00:22

It was as real to me at the time that I had sent my dd a baby as this laptop I'm typing on is real.

Can't quite recall how my poor dd coped after hearing my madness and I can't recall what distracted me. My memory is very shady from the first couple of days.

flamingoflamangos · 06/05/2019 01:26

Sorry to echo other posts but UTI springs to mind for me - they can send older people quite frantic and unbalanced. Hope she is on the mend soon.

Dillydallyalltheway · 06/05/2019 08:50

This happened to my father in law, it turned out to be one of the medications that he had been put on. The doctors stopped it and he was back to normal after about 24 hours. Please don’t worry about what she is saying about you, she won’t mean it at all. X

BlueJag · 06/05/2019 08:57

@Beesinmybonnet my Mum has a similar episode when she had a mental breakdown her blood pressure was sky high. She was very angry at me but ok with my husband.
After 2 days she was back to normal and I didn't take anything personal as she wasn't well at all.
I hope your Mum recovers very soon and please don't take anything personal. Good luck.

sleepylittlebunnies · 06/05/2019 13:12

It sounds very much like post op delirium. I think the nurses are very used to seeing it so are saying it’s normal. I think what they mean is that it’s not unusual. It is usually temporary especially for those without memory issues pre op.

It is very important to stress to the doctors and nurses that your mum had no prior issues so it’s not accepted as her norm. They can then look into contributory factors and treat appropriately. She may have a UTI or electrolyte imbalance. Medications and certainly the general anaesthesia itself. Hopefully it will resolve very quickly for your mum, she doesn’t mean what she is saying but she is very confused which must be distressing for her. She may remember the things she said and did once she is better or it could be a fuzzy blank.

FoxSquadKitten · 06/05/2019 18:57

Hope your mum is better today @Beesinmybonnet 💐

Chasingdandelions · 06/05/2019 20:28

Hope your mum is better soon!
The nurses will have already checked for an infection.
It's more than likely post op delierium and it can go on a while I'm afraid. Very common in the elderly but still not nice for family to see

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