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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mum seems to have had a personality change after operation!

219 replies

Beesinmybonnet · 04/05/2019 14:24

I have posted on here before but have name changed for this.

My mum has just had major surgery. The surgery took place on Thursday and when I visited yesterday, all seemed to be fine. She was awake but quite sleepy. She is in her late 70s and has no dementia or other issues (so we thought).

I have just got back from the hospital now and from the moment I arrived there she was shouting at me and threatening to throw things at me. She appears to know who I am as she was calling me by name but she was very suspicious of me, telling the staff how awful I am and how she has had an awful life with all her children! She said we are scheming against her and want rid of her. She has three children and we all dote on her as she's always been such a loving, caring mum.

She is refusing her medication and food. She even grabbed the nurses lanyard at one point. I tried to give her a drink, she said I have probably poisoned it so there is no way she was drinking it.

I'm starting to think this must be what she really thinks of me. Can this happen after anesthetic? The staff reassured me this is quite normal, especially if someone has memory issues but she didn't have anything like this before the operation. I'm scared her 'true thoughts' must be coming out and she actually thinks we are all terrible children who want to harm her.

OP posts:
1WayOrAnother · 05/05/2019 18:02

Sudden onset, most likely to be delirium. If so it's fairly easily solved. Ask for a referral to mental health too be sure.

Tessabelle74 · 05/05/2019 18:03

If she's on any pain meds then this could explain the behaviour or as others have said it could be a urine infection. Please don't take it to heart, she's hsd a traumatic time and will hopefully be fine after a recovery period

Sara107 · 05/05/2019 18:12

My mum had a major surgery in her late 70’s, there were complications and she ended up under anaesthetic for about 8 hours. It took her a long time to come round (many days), and the nurses were unbelievably casual, refused to admit there was anything unusual about her recovery. Eventually one stopped long enough to offer an explanation to my sister (people who do not normally take any meds or drink alcohol don’t have the enzymes available in their liver to metabolise the anaesthetic so it takes a long time to clear). Mum was never the same afterwards, she may well have been in the early stages of dementia prior to the operation we always felt that being half unconscious for a week really accelerated the decline. I don’t think the risks of anaesthetic are always made clear.

DishingOutDone · 05/05/2019 18:19

My Aunt in her early 80s had this post heart surgery, she was hysterical for a few days after surgery and my cousins thought she needed to be admitted to long term residential care, it was awful she was screaming she wanted to die and that her kids had "done this" to her.

She made a full recovery; I wish I could remember what in particular resolved it, however I do know that all her medication was reviewed, urine tested etc so I'd not accept a brush off - ask to see her surgeon/anethestist and get a full explanation.

Sammy867 · 05/05/2019 18:24

My gran was the same in hospital and it apparently was her thyroid the first time and a severe infection the second. The pain medications she was on also made her a bit out of it, but the aggressiveness was all part of the thyroid issues. once her medications were correct she went back to normal

aerynsun · 05/05/2019 18:26

My mum had this age 71 when she had a hip replacement 2 years ago. It was reaction to the anaesthetic but I had to research and speak to several different medical staff before anyone agreed. They just thought she had dementia. She had no signs of dementia beforehand and at the time it felt like a terrifying insight of what could be. She shouted, told whopping lies, thrashed out at staff and after she recovered she said all she remembered was seeing insects crawling all over the walls.

I’m happy to say, she is completely back to her old self with no memory of how she was for 2 weeks post op.

WrinkledlikeAudrey · 05/05/2019 18:26

Many years ago my DMIL had general anaesthesia for surgery to replace a knee joint. She had an exciting time as she came round, shouting at nursing staff and FIL then later sneaking out of bed to go and ring for a taxi to go home as she didn't like it there. It certainly put back her post-operative recovery! She also had no memory whatsoever of the incidents afterwards.
Also agree re earlier comments re UTI causing very odd behaviour we noticed that with both my DM and DF, both at home and in hospital. I find myself frequently reminding DM (89) re drinking enough or she'll be in hospital again and behaving strangely... She says she doesn't remember anything about her hospital stay for UTI.
I would say don't take it personally and see how she is as she recovers re any long term problems. Flowers

Kylieemilyj · 05/05/2019 18:27

if this was immediately after coming round from surgery i would say it sounds like an effect of the anaesthetic. My dad is known to get angry and violent after ops so the doctors just kind of leave him too it but it doesnt sound like that couldbe the case for your mum :( It sounds like an infection tbh :/

Flamingle18 · 05/05/2019 18:27

I had anesthetic and for 3 days after I felt distressed, abnormally upset, totally paranoid and at times suicidal. I googled it and it can be a side effect. Hope your mum will be back to her old self soon. The worry of major surgery may have caught up with her too

Stopyourhavering64 · 05/05/2019 18:35

My grandfather became very disoriented and obnoxious after major bowel surgery...it's possibly a reaction to anaesthetic( older people take longer to metabolise the drugs), analgesics or delirium...all very common in elderly post surgery but definitely mention to medical/ nursing staff

NemosMum21 · 05/05/2019 18:37

Most likely explanation is delirium. common after major surgery; does not have to involve either UTI or dehydration, although they might also be present. Make sure it's dealt with. May need the duty psychiatrist to assess and make recommendations. Hospitals should be onto delirium these days, but sadly, many nurses and junior docs just think it is 'normal'.

Mummzyof3 · 05/05/2019 18:44

Something as simple as a uti could cause this,i worked in dementia/residential care for a good 5 years and people changed so much just by having that

LuluJakey1 · 05/05/2019 19:08

Morphine can cause odd behaviour. I had it in hospital and was convinced
a) There were green aliens on the ward at night
b) Someone was hiding behind the chair next to my bed during the day- I kept warning people who walked past and made a DH move the chair to prove no one was behind it before he sat down

Potterymum · 05/05/2019 19:12

Crikey I could have written that OP. My mum is in her 60s but had a knee replacement this week. Since it she has been suffering terribly with delerium. Terrors, shouting, aguementative, paranoid, lashing out. Terrible but it is now easing.

EL8888 · 05/05/2019 19:31

I’m guessing UTI or infection or delirium. Glad to hear she is less confused and more herself. Fingers crossed she further improves and the doctors / nurses get a handle on it

81Byerley · 05/05/2019 19:42

When I was a teenager, a woman in the ward I was in kept asking the lady opposite if she had any whisky in her locker. When told "No" she kept insisting that she must have some. "I need it, I definitely need it". The next day when told she had been asking for whisky she was very upset. Her Christian religious sect did not allow alcohol.

Thehappygardener · 05/05/2019 19:42

PS To add to my previous post, when I went in to see my father, after his operation when he knew he was hallucinating, I was assured by the very inexperienced staff nurse that it was clear to them that my father was obviously dementing.

My response that he was neither dementing nor incapable, and had actually driven himself to the hospital and then completed The Times crossword the day before, fell on deaf ears.

It was only by my insistence on seeing the consultant was my father then treated like an adult, had the offending drugs replaced by ones that didn’t have such well known side effects, and was no longer being patronised or spoken to like a silly little boy or some large moving vegetable! 🤨

dontgobaconmyheart · 05/05/2019 19:58

The combination of drugs given when we have surgeries are quite a lot more involved than 'anaesthetic' in reality, and a lot of these can affect people in different ways physically and mentally. As can anything given afterwards in the way of pain relief or antibiotic etc, they also stay in your body for a couple of days at least - If she is improving OP then it's probably fair to say its medication based. Though I would absolutely have discussed this change with her consultant, and request the urine be treated for UTI if this was suspected.
I have had many many operations and can assure you in the recovery ward people are shouting all sorts sometimes and are very very upset, they not to upset yourself with what may just be nonsense. I hope she recovers well from her op Flowers

Catsinthecupboard · 05/05/2019 20:08

UTI?

FlowersFlowers

Longpinknails · 05/05/2019 20:20

My dad thought that there were aliens in the hospital after his surgery and that during the night, people whisked him off to another ward which was on fire. He also called me at work to tell me he’d been shot, fifteen times! He also said there was a ton of Semtex under his bed...It was quite scary, but in the end I got used to it as he was in and out of hospital a lot at one time. It was a combination of the morphine, urine infections and surgery he had at that time. Your mum should be fine.

FoodologistGirl · 05/05/2019 20:23

Similar to my Mothering law a few years ago. Get them to check her oxygen and carbon dioxide levels. Because my ML has breathing difficulties if they give her too much oxygen in hospital she goes a little crazy and it can take a good month to get her back again. We keep a close eye on her mood swing. Check her fingertips and lips for blueness. Also like others on here mentioned an infection (tooth) caused odd behaviour too.

Louise2092 · 05/05/2019 20:23

My great aunt was diagnosed with sepsis after her personality completely changed out of the blue. She was accusing my gran of stealing her "£50 coin". She was also really rude to her and nothing she was saying was making any sense. She ended up hospitalised for weeks.

Definitely get them to check for infections as it could be something serious such as sepsis and always better to be safe than sorry x

cantkeepawayforever · 05/05/2019 20:26

Blush I have a very odd psychotic reaction to ibubrofen, of all things. Was given high doses after breaking my hand while at university, made the mistake of telephoning my mother fairly shortly afterwards, and she was so concerned about me that she caught the next train and spent the whole 4 hour trip terrified about what had happened to me.

azulmariposa · 05/05/2019 20:28

Dehydration does this to people. If she's refusing food is she refusing to drink to?

Greyhound22 · 05/05/2019 20:57

My Mum was in ICU about 10 years ago. It was awful when she woke up from surgery - she thought we had a post office and shouted if me, DDad and DBrother turned up at the same time as we wasn't watching the PO. I told her that my cousin was coming to see her and she said 'oh not her - I've never liked her' when she has always loved her dearly! It was very upsetting - and then one day she just suddenly snapped out of it. She has a couple of odd traits left from it but nothing major.

Again we had no answers given or any indication of if she would improve. Apparently you can get a 'syndrome' where you go a bit funny at hospital and not really knowing what time of day it is etc - I've also seen similar in elderly relatives with urine infections.